My life as a knockoff bag

NEW BLOG

2005-07-20T15:17:00.000-05:00

My new blog is up and running. Still need to post a pic to go on there...Now I just need to get you all on board to put my new url on your blogrolls!

Please email me at loislanejudy at yahoo dot com and I will make sure you get the link! I have already put my blogroll to the right into my new blog.

I would appreciate if you would delete this blog from your current blogrolls. Thanks!

I'm very excited about having a new focus and a new look!

A woman changed

2005-07-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

So the thing is, I’ve started a new blog. I mean, I haven't posted to it yet or anything, except one post. But I just haven’t had the time to put the bells and whistles on it, so I’ve not been writing here or there. I am focusing more on the knockoff bag theme and soon, my marathon training.

But today, I HAD to update!

Happy one year anniversary to me!

Today is the one-year mark since I turned my life around, started eating healthier and exercising. The one year anniversary of my rebirth, I suppose, as a woman who took charge of her life and cherishes it now.

To think. A year ago today, I was 193 lbs. At my highest, which was earlier last year, I was 204 lbs.

Today I am 164.5 lbs. (only 19.5 lbs left to go!)

A year ago today, I could barely run for a full minute.

Today, I am in day 2 of training for a marathon.

A year ago today, my thighs would rest and you would see cellulite.

Today, you see my quads.

A year ago today, I was alone, lonely and sad, even though I was generally happy.

Today I am falling in love (if not already there!) and only lonely when I choose to be. I am happy, period.

A year ago today, my hair was long.

Today, it’s growing back from being cut super short. A move I would never have done as my former self.

A year ago today, I didn’t get into a bathing suit last summer but once, at a family barbecue.

This year, I’ve worn a bikini on the beach.

It just doesn’t get any better than this. Although we’ll see, in 19.5 more lbs., we’ll see after a few more weeks of marathon training.

Who knows what the future holds?! That’s why change is good!

So happy anniversary to me!

It's a knockoff life...

2005-07-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

I'm still here.

Details to come...

Memories and daring yesterdays

2005-06-27T14:05:00.000-05:00

Janet has tagged me and I must do my duty.

5 things I miss about my childhood, in no particular order

1. Shopping for school supplies. I didn’t like school clothes shopping because my mom dressed me very out of style as to what was in with the kids. I wore corduroy when it wasn’t cool and brandless sneakers. But I did, however, love school supply shopping. The passion I have for all things pens, pencils and paper grew out of school supply shopping. And the smell of a new trapper k??? New folders? Wire-bound notebooks? *sigh* Those were the best parts of late summer!

2. Playing with dolls. Every now and then, I wish I could bust out Barbie and dress her up and live her life for her, with that child’s innocence we all possess when we’re young and haven’t yet heard about the birds and a the bees.

3. The first day of school, every year.
It was so exciting! I couldn’t wait until I got my textbooks, and homework. I loved homework! I loved the anticipation and the challenge of the lessons and couldn’t wait to take notes with my new pens and notebooks. I know, I know. I’m a dork.
4. Bike riding.
There was something solitary, freeing and satisfying about bike riding when I was a kid. Out on my huffy, I’d tool around whatever neighborhood I lived in, either by myself or with friends. I don’t do it much anymore, because it’s just not the same.

5. Halloween.
It’s just not the same when you’re an adult. I loved trick-or-treating and dressing up in costumes to canvas the neighborhood. The smell of my bag when I’d open it, all the chocolate and fruity candy scents mingling together for days. Your mom telling you that you can only have two pieces a night, but when she isn’t looking you sneak a couple more. As young as I may look, I am not looking young enough to be trick-or-treating, and I miss it!

In other knockoff news…

I went down the shore yesterday with MN. While he studied, I lounged and soaked up the really hot sun. I read a little RW and slept, catching myself snoring at one point.

I did this all in a bikini.

Yes, yes yes! Wow.

I’ve come a long way from a year ago. A year ago, I was still very overweight, and had given exercise a go by joining my local gym, but I didn’t stick to it. A year ago this month, I was on the cusp of turning my world around. A year ago this month, I could not have even run a full minute, I don’t think. Now I can run oodles and oodles of minutes!

Truth be told, I wasn’t going to wear the bikini. I probably shouldn’t have, either. I’m still slightly overweight, having slid back about four pounds from my April weight and fitness, which was the best it had been since I was in college. And I’ve only just started routinely doing weights and running again, and just last week discovered exercises to tighten my abs…so I’ve got the little pooch at my tummy. My thighs to me are thick.

But I tried it on, the bottom was conservative, and fit me so that it hugged my curves without cutting into my hips. The top acted like a big push-up bra for me, and kind of took attention away from my middle, which aside from jiggling when I walked a little, wasn’t all that horrific. I asked MN, honestly. What do you think?

He didn’t falter, telling me I looked cute, encouraging me to wear it. Making tiny noises that trash men might make while driving by. He said I shouldn’t worry what people think, that besides the point, there would be plenty of other people there in bikinis who definitely shouldn’t be attempting them.

Of course, I did worry and I was self conscious. I laid down as much as I could because my tummy was flat, on my back. I pulled my towel across my middle when I sat in my chair, reading. I stood up really straight to lengthen my torso when I walked around.

But I survived! And now I’m more motivated than ever to get to the gym and not only get those tight abs but run extra miles.

Here we go loopyty-loo, here we go loopty-la

2005-06-24T09:43:00.000-05:00

Oh, the thrill of a roller coaster! The feeling of spiraling out of control, rushing in and out of loops, racing down hills!

Oh, the feeling of having a panic attack!

What? Oh yes. The way I react to planes and needles, it applies to roller coasters as well.

It was spring, 1995, when I went on my high school senior class trip to BG, where two friends coerced me onto my first loopy-loop roller coaster. I remember facing the first downhill drop, thinking, “Oh my god, I’m SO falling out and dying!”

I scrunched my tiny teenage self as far down in my seat as I could before the cart plummeted down the bright yellow track, and right into a loop. Little by little, I opened myself up to the experience in those couple minutes. My eyes opened. My body unscrunched. I screamed. I even went on a second upside down roller coaster that afternoon.

I thought maybe I’d conquered my fears.

Then in 1996, at GA, I failed to ride a simple hill roller coaster and the space ship that just floated back and forth, back and forth and then went upside down, hanging for a moment. On both of those rides, I climbed in, sat down, even buckling myself in on the one ride, and then jumped right back out on the opposite platform. My poor friend, since it was only the two of us, I abandoned her to ride along both times.

Yet, later that same day, I took my seat on a loopy-loop that advertised a tight corkscrew turn and daring plunges as my palms sweated and my heart pounded. The impending doom shown in my eyes with pooling tears. I was terrified.

But then the ride was over, and I was exhilarated.

I decided that what makes my roller coaster anxiety special from my other anxieties is that my fears can be relieved.

But this isn’t all. My anxiety is a two-parter. While I fear and feel anxious over loopy loop roller coasters, I will attempt to ride them and feel greater afterwards for doing so. BUT. I just can’t even bring myself to attempt the hills and rides like that upside down swaying ship.

If it doesn’t have shoulder harnesses, I fear it. And I can’t get over THAT fear.

Which brings me to my ultimate point of all this set up.

MN wants to go on a miniature amusement park tour this summer, and has decided his mission is to cure me of my roller coaster anxiety.

Which includes, my friends, those 205 foot drop roller coasters that are steel or wooden and do NOT come with shoulder harnesses.

MN is about to see a side of me that he has only heard rumors about when I arrive home from frightening airplane trips.

I want to open myself up to going on these rides. I am sure too, that once my ride on them is complete, I will feel exhilarated and free, happy and excited. But it’s the buildup. The freaking soles of my FEET sweat just thinking about the climb up one of those steep hill roller coasters, the anxiety of seeing the drop before it happens will just about cause me to have a heart attack.

Hundreds of people go on and don’t fall off. Why do I think I’d be any different.

I need people to tell me that I won’t fall out. That I will be safe, secure, and I can overcome this. I refuse to stay at home and be a party pooper. But I am terrified of sitting on one of the seats, and racing out of it to the exit before I can buckle myself in.

I want to impress MN with my bravery, facing my fears in the face and overcoming them by his side!

But I’m TERRIFIED!!!!!

So if anyone can tell me what it’s like to ride those roller coasters that are fast and furious, falling at steep drops from high points, without shoulder harnesses, I would MUCH appreciate any encouragement.

My life as a ...

2005-06-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

Knockoffs.

Ah, yes. The little (and sometimes big and bulky!) treasures that my blog title is devoted to.

There’s nothing like the love of a good catch on a weekend morning in the ‘burbs: the rough zippers, the stiff fabrics but the soft and pliable fake leather, the glued on labels. The bartering with shady people behind cafeteria tables at flea markets…it’s all enough to make a girl go ga-ga!

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, I’ve been invited to my very first “purse party.”

I feel very illegal and covert. But there’s this part of me that feels, surprisingly…

…uninterested.

*gasp*

The tides are turning…within my checkbook?

Lately I’ve felt the desire to save my money, although admittedly, this seems to be difficult for me to do lately because my weight loss required me to spend money on new clothes. And I had a brief couple of weeks where I was infatuated with dangling earrings to match all my new clothes.

But I’ve got plenty of flattering, fitting clothes now. My ears are bejeweled and bouncy. There is nothing left for me to do but save.

For a house, a new car.

Sure, there are things I want: a bookcase for my living room, a little stand for the nook besides my front door, a painting for over my couch.

But notice these are all home décor items, not personal accessories.

My last knockoff purchase was made while perusing the French markets in NO. My find was a silver K.S. that no one except my coworker Lauren liked. I got the seller to unload it for $10 cheaper than he was asking.

I was obsessed with it, for all of the month that I was able to use it. It hung off my shoulder just perfect, and it was bunched and had a long, silver fringe zipper. It was gaudiness at its height.

My stepmom saw the bag and asked, “Are you becoming an astronaut?”

*sigh*

But I just had to put it in the trash over the weekend as I cleaned around, taking things I don’t need or want anymore from drawers, shelves and closets and putting it all in a trash bag. The silver bag was falling apart, both inside and out.

I went through my massive lip-gloss and lipstick collection and threw out about twenty tubes. I weeded through my nail polishes and threw out at least a dozen bottles.

My personal accessory obsession is falling apart at the seams, just like my last bag, being replaced by the desire to, well, grow up.

It’s not that I don’t desire to own a new knockoff bag or even a real bag. Or new clothes even though I have plenty. Or shoes. I’m still a woman.

It’s just that I don’t desire to put out the money for it when I can save that money and put it towards my savings.

I won’t lie that having a relationship, one that I believe can go places, has brought out the responsible side in me. I think about how I should change my selfish lifestyle if I ever were to plan on living with someone in the future.

NOT that I’m making plans to move in with MN, obviously, it’s too soon! But our relationship in its normalcy, in its maturity, it makes me want to be more responsible about my finances. I am the girl who never opens checking account balance statements, but suddenly, I have the urge to check every item against the records I keep.

So I wonder. Is my life such a knockoff, anymore?

Over wins out over under

2005-06-14T13:11:00.000-05:00

I actually wasn’t sure what I was going to say today, until I went to the bathroom…

Coming home from DC on the train last week, I felt the common urge of hey, I gotta pee. I stashed my iPod in my purse and I made my way to the back of my car.

Hovering, I did my thing (for more on hovering, see this post). I went to grab the toilet tissue, but it was jammed into the wall unit, with the paper roll rolled under. I pulled, but nothing except tiny bits came off in my hands.

I pulled down the face of the unit, and grabbed at the roll to turn it, but it would not turn. Another roll on top of it, both of them full, was blocking the roll on the bottom that I was trying to unravel. So I tried to turn it from the side.

(Meanwhile, I’m hovering, trying not to let my pants hit the nasty stained bowl, and balancing my purse on my right shoulde. Oh, and the train’s moving!)

And really, really annoyed at people who put the toilet roll upside down.

Finally, with a giant, exasperated tug, I pulled at the roll. It proceeded to pop off the silver unit, into my hands and the little stick thingy bounces off, and PING PING PING, right into the hole of the bowl.

At that moment, horrified,I looked up, into a sign that shows items that should not be flushed down the toilet…like the stick thingys that would NORMALLY help a toilet tissue roll unravel so that unsuspecting, dignified businesswomen hoverers like myself can peacefully pee without nasty backups and complications.

Not to be, my friends.

With the roll of tissue in hand, I finished up and composed myself and kind of stood there.

Should I tell someone? What if, by not telling someone, the entire train falls off its tracks because I flushed a toilet tissue thingy down the hole and it jams up some internal system I don’t understand?

Lucky me, when I exited the bathroom, a conductor was checking out his face in the mirror of the bathroom across from me.

“Hi, excuse me, sir. I, uh, I just wanted to let someone know, I flushed the thingy that holds the toilet tissue in the thingy down the toilet.”

He smiled at me. “The thingy, huh?”

I blushed.

“Uh, yeah. I don’t know what the heck it’s called, but I didn’t flush the toilet, because of the sign on the wall.”

So he goes into the bathroom and takes in the situation.

I could tell it was more a curiosity than accusation when he asked, “how on earth did THAT happen?”

I fudged a little. I told him I went to pull the tissue off and the whole “thing” came undone.

He just kind of smiled and told me he’d tell someone. I went back to my seat, my cheeks on fire.

A similar incident just happened, which is what made me think of it!

I went to grab toilet tissue, and the whole roll came unattached from its hooks and rolled underneath into the next stall. Thankfully, someone was in there and she handed it back to me.

“I hate people who put the roll under!” I let out an exasperated grunt.

Hate is a strong word, but you get it.

Now, perhaps the stuffiness of the compartment of toilet tissue in the train was unavoidable, either over or under way.

But the work incident was preventable.

I’m putting a call out to all my under friends. Please, just try it for a day, come to the light, see the correct way.

And let it be known, I am NOT above changing the roll around when I am in your bathroom!

Blah blah blah yada yada...

2005-06-10T10:24:00.000-05:00

I want to go to the gym when I’m done work, but I don’t want to mess up my perfect eye makeup.

Urban Decay and Nars eye shadows topped off with wet n wild eyeliner. And a sampler of Clinique mascara.

I’m a lil bit city. I’m a lil bit suburb.

I ran 2.4 miles yesterday. Not great, but not bad either.

At least I jogged the whole thing without stopping.

They say three servings of dairy a day can help you lose weight.

Ice cream is dairy.

Hurray for Mister Softee!

My apartment was 89 degrees when I got home last night from work.

I realized then that it wasn’t just taking an abnormal amount of time for the air to kick in and cool the place down after it was shut up for three days and over 90 degrees.

It’s broken.

Let's see how long it takes maintenance to fix it. I called at 10:30 a.m.

I hate summer electric bills.

MN called me from the train yesterday, something we stopped doing because our phone bills got too high.

But I won’t see him this weekend because he’s got the kids, and he said, “I didn’t know when I would hear your voice again.”

AWW.

My shirt keeps falling off my shoulders and exposing the scalloped straps of my blue lace bra.

It’s embarrassing. And annoying.

An excuse to buy a new shirt?

I’m going to the grand opening of Sephora tonight, near my home. Yay!

Lin and I are going to have a grilled cheeseburger-and-margarita lunch next Friday at her apartment, then go Father’s Day shopping.

SWEEEET!

Actually, I need a little help in the grandfather gift buying department.

He likes history, is a republican and is from Poland.

Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to help me pick out a gift.

What do you think?

One from the road

2005-06-06T20:07:00.000-05:00

I write my blog for me, as I'm sure most of you guys do, too. But I just want to reiterate to you that I appreciate your comments, I laugh, I nod my head in agreement and I smile at them.

It will be nice, when my feet are planted in my own room, in front of my own computer, to look at all of your blogs too.

With that said, this one's from the road. Location this evening: DC.

It's been all stormy here this evening. I am staying in a corner room in my hotel, they upgraded me to a king suite (what use I have for a kitchen, living room and bedroom is beyond me but I'm totally tickled with it). Of course, then I reflect for a moment that the reason I got the upgrade was because I spend a lot of nights in this chain of hotels. Yes, the novelty of business travel wears off. I love my job and the opportunities it affords me, but I have also learned to appreciate what I've got at home.

Apparently, one of the things I've got is a boyfriend. I suppose that's what happens when two people reach the point where they aren't seeing other people? This was all discussed in about a minute, this morning, when I blurted out "are we at the point where we aren't seeing other people?" And after a couple minutes he said it was up to me, because he wasn't. Well, neither am I. So there.

I am ridiculously happy with this man.

Anyway. This chain of thought started with storms and my swanky hotel room with the many windows. I was catching up on some emails, and the thunder sounded like it cracked right outside my window while the lightening appeared like a camera flash, making me see spots for a minute.

Oh well. I am tired, need some sleep. Plus, I'm almost at the end of Da Vinci Code. I am just grateful I got to spend the weekend at home, and not traveling, like I originally thought!

Meeting mom

2005-05-31T10:11:00.000-05:00

I was in his bedroom, trying to dry off from the rain we’d gotten caught in outside when I heard MN shouting from the open bathroom, where he was showering.

“Hello? Hello?”

I went to see if he needed something, when I realized he was ‘hello-ing’ someone who had come in the front door.

The MN Mom.

I walked into the living room, saw who it was and my blood froze up, my heart raced and I got that deer-in-the-headlights look about me.

Then I did what any reasonable woman would do when faced with this unexpected situation.

I turned tail and sort of ran back into his room, panicked like I got caught doing something I shouldn’t have been, like shaving the cat. Or pouring baby oil down the toilet. (no lie, I did that when I was a kid for some reason.)

But I didn’t get caught doing anything but waiting for the man to take a shower, since he’d been out mowing the lawn and doing chores like that all day, before we could go grab dinner.

“Hey mom, this is Judy!” he shouted back out from the bathroom, before I closed the door, tried to compose myself and walked out to greet her.

We shook hands and I took her in. She is a pretty, petite woman, with short blond-ish hair and looked very patriotic in a red blazer, blue pants and a flag scarf decorating her neck. I could tell she was a kind, well-liked woman, and she carried with her this energy that I immediately admired.

We sat in the living room with the sound of the shower in the background, and one of the three MN Cats jumped up and nestled his head against her right thigh as we made small talk.

“So, you and MN have been going around for a little while?” She paused, stroking the cat’s head. “You’ve been dating for a while?”

“Yeah,” I told her. I didn’t want to gush, so I just said, “We have so much in common. We can talk for hours. It’s so nice.”

So we sat there, talking about our jobs, MN’s dad, and finally, after what seemed like an hour but was in reality about five minutes, MN came out wrapped in a towel.

Man that he is, this was no big deal, me meeting his mom.

“Hi mom,” He kissed her.

He went back into his room and put clothes on, came back out and sat on the coffee table while his mom got up to leave after chatting with himN for a couple minutes.

I was kind of relieved, I felt completely unprepared for this meeting – I was wearing a shirt where my cleavage could peek out of the flap and long, loopy earrings and thank GOD I changed from that short, short poofed denim skirt to the capris. I wore no makeup and I looked about 20.

I kept thinking, “who am I, compared to his ex-wife? The woman that his mom looks to like the daughter she never had? The woman who gave her her only granddaughter?”

His mom asked if we were going to go see a movie or what we were up to. Dinner, we both told her, we were thinking a Chinese buffet.

As she stood there, between the couch and the door, keys in hand, going to leave, he said the words that made my heart sink into my stomach and my eyes get that deer look again.

“Mom, why don’t you come with us?”

DUN DUN DUN!

“Oh, I don’t think so. I don’t want to intrude on your evening.” That’s the international code for, I want to, but I want you to talk me into it.

Being the good woman that I am, after MN told her no, she wouldn’t be, I said, “Really, it’s not a big deal, we really hadn’t made plans for after dinner. You should come.”

How many brownie points do I get for that? Huh? Anyone???

So the three of us head out to the buffet for dinner.

And it was actually quite painless. She got really into stories about the cats the family had growing up, and I complimented her for MN’s random acts of gentleman-ness, which she seemed to enjoy hearing.

We got back to his house and she left us, and he could tell I’d been nervous. Later that night, I had a nightmare that she was telling the ex wife how awful I was.

But really, in the end, I was glad that he seemed happy to have me around his mom, and that he didn’t think the whole thing was a big deal. And I promised him that around 4th of July, he’s accompanying me to my family picnic where he’ll meet my entire dad’s side, all at once.

:) Paybacks!

Goodnight, sweetie

2005-05-26T13:22:00.000-05:00

It’s been a while since I’ve talked about MN.

It’s neat to look back on the last two and a half months and think of how far we’ve come, and how much we’ve learned about each other. How much is still left to learn. The mystery of where things will go but the reassurance that we both seem to be moving forward, on the same step of the moving walkway.

That once a week phone call leading up to the once-a-week hang out has turned into the nightly phone call lasting a minimum of two hours. Time together is still once a week, but this past weekend, I got to see him both weekend nights.

Learning about ex #2, then finding out that she knows all about YOU.

Saying to his brother on his cell phone the night we met, “I’m the girl your brother’s gonna call” to meeting him Friday and getting the thumbs up.

Hearing “goodnight sweetie” or “goodnight sweetheart” instead of the earlier, “Bye”

Hearing him say, “I really missed you” when I came home from NO the week before vs. “I think I might have missed you, I’m not sure how I feel about that” when I’d come home from Orlando in April.

Wondering what cologne he wears to having him say, “pick out which one you want me to smell like” and letting me sniff all his bottles on the dresser until I find the one I like best.

Never running out of things to talk about on the phone – that hasn’t changed. But now he’s the person I want to call first when something good or bad happens.

Please, don’t let this end!

Set backs

2005-05-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

I’m obsessing again about my weight.

I had gained about 3.5 lbs. when I got back from NO. I hopped on the scale for my weekly weigh in and found that I’d lost 2.5 of those lbs. this week. So, I should be happy, right?

Wrong.

See, because of my sickness, my relapse, my trip, and last week’s fest o’ laziness, I have not done any running or strength training.

Yesterday, I finally went for a walk around the 3.6 mile river I was running circles around before I fell sick.

This depresses me, and I can’t wait to hit the gym tonight. And tomorrow night. And Thursday night. And Friday….well, you get the picture.

I have GOT to start tightening up again, I’ve GOT to get my mileage up and I have GOT to stop eating salsa con queso and Rolos like they’re going to be taking them off the market soon.

I’m not stressing over the fact that I’m 1 lb. away from my weight pre NO and pre sick, I’m stressing over the fact that my pants are the tiniest tighter because of my muscles not being as hard as they were four weeks ago. So I’m freaking out.

I just don’t ever, EVER want to be that 204 lb. girl again. Ever.

Anyway. I’m really doing very well, actually. I have MN stories to come.

The birthday song

2005-05-16T14:16:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy (belated) birthday dear me-eee,
Happy birthday to me!

I’ve been down in New Orleans, but while I was away, I turned 28 on May 12!!!

Woo!

New Orleans, what an experience! I have been on many a business trip recently, but this one rocked. I didn’t get sick of being there once! Of course, there were moments I wished I could be home, like when on Monday, I completely relapsed into my earlier, hellish illness (see previous post – egads).

But most of the time was spent working hard, writing twice a day, meeting friendly, interesting and motivated people.

I ate food that was out of this world – a pork chop with a tomato and fig marmalade that was accompanied by bleu cheese and bacon grits… jambalaya… gumbo… alligator… broiled and fried catfish… crawfish… bread pudding… bananas foster up… po’boy with debris… beignets… lots of liquor (hurricanes and frozen drinks)… beignets… pralines… beignets… :)

I worked Sunday until Wednesday. I started with the scratchy throat Monday night, and it kicked in Tuesday morning. Luckily, my doc called in a script for me at a local Walgreens. I struggled and had a really high fever that night at dinner, but I muddled through because I had no choice but to do it.

But it sucked to eat good food and have it feel like razors going down the back of your throat.

Then came Thursday, and my birthday.

I switched hotels, and shopped around Canal Street. I bought a couple pairs of shoes. I wandered around looking for a new book to read, since I’d finished the one I’d brought, and stumbled into one of those old, creaky-floorboard bookstores that sells used and antique books.

It was musty and wonderful and before I knew it, an hour had gone by and I’d done nothing but look at sections, skim my fingers over bindings, pick things up here and there to look at but nothing to buy.

Eventually, I found two books in the back of a record store.

I took myself out to dinner at the restaurant across from my hotel, where I got some fried catfish topped with a crawfish stew-like substance. I took a piece of bread pudding back to my room and stopped short of singing to myself, although I did from thereon refer to it as my piece of birthday bread pudding :)

I was so grateful that all my close friends remembered me and called :) I felt loved! MN texted me in the morning and then I finished off my birthday night with a 3-hour conversation with him. He missed me while I was away. It’s so great to have someone at home, missing you. That you miss :)

Friday, I walked down to the famous Café Du Monde and ate beignets and had a café au lait. A beignet is like glorified funnel cake but ten times better because it’s called a beignet and from N.O.

Then I went a little further down that road and discovered the French markets, and found heaven in the form of a bright silver K.Spade knock off. So what if the lining is already coming undone? That’s what hot glue is for. I’ll take care of it tonight, while doing my mounds and mounds of laundry!

Cat and Debbie arrived Friday evening and we ate dinner at a nice little reasonably priced restaurant and partied on Bourbon Street

We all behaved - I got a set of beads, but didn’t do any fleshy bargaining for them! I just asked and pouted.

Saturday we went on a voodoo/cemetery tour, followed by a couple of frozen drinks that knocked me on my tail. We ate a quick dinner – part of which consisted of fried crab claws (little bits of heaven, people). Then we went back to the hotel and slept until late, not leaving the room to go party until midnight.

Sunday was a good day of more shopping and beignets and food. Then there was the flight home. Which I don’t want to talk about. I had a really bad panic attack during a quick, particularly rough bought of turbulence that makes my hands feel cool with sweat just thinking about it now.

Needless to say, I had people handing me bags to breath in from three or four rows up. Moral of the story: I need stronger anxiety meds for plane rides.

So that’s that.

Again, Happy birthday, me!!!!

The way things work out

2005-05-01T19:57:00.000-05:00

What an incredibly awful week I had last week!

I had strep throat. I don't ever remember having such a horrible sickness!

Started to feel my throat sore as I was talking to MN Tuesday night. "My throat feels kind of sore," I told him. "It's probably from all the smoke from the bar," he replied. I'd been at the bar after class with my 'mates. I figured maybe he was right.

The next day, I clocked a 102.5 fever, chills, aches, weakness (I couldn't even open a tylenol bottle on Wednesday!) and just all around poopiness. I thought my throat was closing me off of life, the pain was so bad. Needless to say, I went into work and lasted two and a half hours before throwing in the towel, and sleeping on and off until Thursday, when I had to go to the doctor's to see what was up.

My clue to leave work was how I was bundled up in my fleece hoodie, with a sweater around my ankles because I was cold in my cropped pants. Meanwhile, everyone else in the office either had their little personal fans on, or were complaining about how hot it was.

So yeah, strep throat. What a NASTY illness to have. I was still in pretty bad shape on Thursday, did more sleeping. The doc said I should stay home from work until Monday. Yes Ma'am!

While all this sleeping was going on, the LAST thing I wanted to do was torture my throat with food, right? So water and diet sprite (it felt good in a painful way) and bouillon broth were pretty much all I consumed.

Apparently, not enough was consumed.

Painful throat = no eating, which then = throwing up with said sore throat, repeatedly, on Thursday night.

Oh.

My.

Gosh.

That's when I decided, Friday morning, to start eating, because eating hurt a LOT less than throwing up a practically empty stomach.

Thankfully, I started feeling better Friday morning, although I was still lethargic and sore.

Today, I feel great. Less than 24 hours after I started taking the antibiotics I felt the change, and MN didn't seem shy about kissing me, and he's a nurse, so I guess I'm not contagious! (Or MN likes to be daring and tempt his fate with evil illnesses!)

Mmmm. MN. He was sweet over the week, although he had to work both my sickest nights and felt bad he couldn't come take care of me. But he checked in with me as much as he could.

I finally got to see him today and we went for vietnamese food. I tried something new, and we both liked it. Well, I didn't like the chicken, actually. And I didn't eat a whole lot, because I feel like my tummy is still small. Then we came back to my place and when I went to the bathroom, he threw open all the windows high, opened up all the blinds, opened the patio door and the place was flooded with cool, fresh air and sunlight, and we just chilled out together.

Aaaah. I am ready to go back to work tomorrow! Ready.

Down and out

2005-04-29T09:10:00.000-05:00

I feel like crap.

Left work after about two and a half hours on Wednesday, throat felt like it was closing. Temperature hovering at 102.5.

Turns out I've got strep throat.

Today is the first day I am up and about, not in my bed. But I've been up for a couple hours and I'm kinda losing steam. I checked my email, etc., and now I think I need to go lay down again!

This SUCKS. :(

Oh, and it also means that I can't do my run on Sunday. :(

HOLY!

2005-04-24T09:04:00.000-05:00

I ran 7.1 miles yesterday!!! 7.1 miles!!!!!! ME!!

I got a phone call on Friday from my friend Kathy.

"Hey, we never got to run before the race!" I had totally forgotten, and frankly, I'd not had time to prepare for the race.

But we talked and I decided, what the hell, might as well try it and see. What's the worse that can happen? I don't finish? So I'm heading over to her place on Wednesday for a run on Kelly Drive to prep.

I decided to do a little prepping of my own, yesterday. I figured it would be really stupid, not to.

I went over to the local river that is 3.6 miles around, that a lot of exercise-related activities are held at in my area - 5Ks, walk-a-thons, etc. I love walking there. There's always a breeze off the water and this time of year, there are college row teams up and down the river. I decided I would do not one, but two loops around the river.

As I went around, I kept thinking, I'll just stop at 3.6, I'll just stop at 3.6.

I made it around the first time, in about 45 minutes or so; I looked at my car as I jogged toward the parking lot she was in and then I looked straight ahead. I kept jogging.

How am I supposed to run longer if I don't just keep going? If I constantly self-limit?

So I jogged. Then I stopped around mile 4 because I thought I was going to die. But I didn't, and less than a minute went by before I was jogging again. I stopped again, as I was heading up a steep incline where the path meets the highway, then curves back around again. By that point, I knew that I had to keep jogging, so when I was finished with incline, I started back to jogging again. I would say I ran, but my pace was not fast. I was doing this to do it, not to beat the clock.

I just kept jogging. My calf muscles were killing me. I had pain in my knees but it wasn't alarming enough to make me stop. I was a sweaty mess, loose hair flying out of my pigtails.

And I finished. All 7.2 miles... I ran about 7.1 miles of it because I'd stopped to walk a couple times.

WOW!

I got in my car, downed a lot of water, and called MN, all excited. He was sleeping since he'd worked all night, so I just left him a really happy message. Then I drove to the nearest Wendy's, got a spring mix salad, low fat ranch, their new low fat yogurt and granola, and went home to scarf it all down.

And man, are my calves stiff as boards! But I FEEL GREAT!

So I went online this morning and signed up for the run. I'm terrified of doing those last 3 miles of the 10 miler, but I am hoping Kathy and I will run, jog and walk for at least two hours, because I was only jogging for an hour and a half, maybe hour and 40.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Now I've got to take my stiff calves into the shower. I am meeting Bridgette for lunch! I haven't seen her in so long!

There's no gum in Disney!?

2005-04-19T06:39:00.000-05:00

I walked into the marketplace shop of my hotel, having been two days without a stick of gum.

This, my friends, is a dire situation. If there's anything you must know about me, I have two addictions. Gum and coffee. I can usually live without either one for only a day before the twitching and the crankiness etc. starts.

I moved my eyes around the candy displays. The mints, the Mentos, the throat lozenges. Where's the gum?

"Excuse me, can I get a pack of gum?" I asked the sales clerk.

"Gum?" She looked at the top of the cold refrigerator case next to her register, which held plastic containers of fruit and pre-made sandwiches. "We don't have gum." She finally said.

"What?" I asked, a little surprised. They had Pop Rocks, white chocolate Reese's cups and every kind of granola bar, but no gum?

"We don't sell gum," she said. "They don't sell it in the resort."

Huh?

"Why not?"

"They don't want the kids to get it, I guess," the woman called her manager over. "Why don't we sell gum?"

"Oh, they don't want the kids to chew it and stick it places, like the couches, and then you sit down and sit on gum," the manager said. "You can't buy it here at all, in any of the DW properties."

Wow. My heart was racing. What would I do? I needed my fix! "Ok. Well, there's got to be somewhere - where can I get gum?"

The woman pointed to the outside. "If you go back up the road you came down to get here there is a shopping center with a grocery store, they will have gum."

Joy! That means the nearest pack of gum for me was about a mile up the road, maybe a little bit more.

And as I laughed with the manager and the clerk, I knew I was making the trek, for gum.

But it was only the beginning of the day and I had to sit through my conference. As I listened to a talk on ADHD, I felt my mind going ADHD on me, as I fantasized that minty fresh feeling of a stick of gum, mashing around in my mouth. Mmmm. I snapped to when everyone around me laughed and I grabbed my umpteenth Mento substitute and sighed.

As I heard about eating disorders, and felt rumbles in my tummy just thinking about not eating, I imagined there was a stick of gum magically in my bag - after all, wasn't I near the magic kingdom? - to stave off the pre-dinner hunger pangs.

Wait. Did that lecturer just take on a powder, sugary coating? I had to shake my head and concentrate. My cravings were driving me mad.

By the end of the day, I justified the trip to the store. I also needed facial moisturizer and reasonably priced suntan lotion, and I decided the walk could be my exercise for the day.

I arrived in the grocery store and picked up an overpriced bottle of dark tanning lotion, forgot the moisturizer, and came upon a candy area.

And Gum.

"OH my god! GUM!" I exclaimed. I caught myself talking out loud and quickly looked to see if anyone had heard me. It'd been more than 48 hours since my last stick of gum, after all. I was a desperate woman.

I greedily picked up two packs, spearmint and peppermint. As I headed toward the checkout, grasping the gum firmly in my left hand, I decided I was being extreme. One pack would do.

After a moment of decision, I put the spearmint back. I grabbed the latest copy of Glamour and a box of granola bars (the ones in the hotel were $2.50 a pop, as a box, it was a grand total of $4. Hmm.)

As I left the grocery store, I quickly opened that light blue package and withdrew a silver foil strip. I unwrapped it and looked at the gum and slipped in into my mouth. And savored. Closed my eyes and Mmmm.

I brought the gum back to my hotel, happy for the time being. I momentarily forgot the lonliness of being in the happiest celebration on earth on business. Who said there's no gum in DW?

Hello! Remember me?

2005-04-18T12:33:00.001-05:00

Man, it's been awhile since I've written.

The week was nice, in Orlando. I had limited internet access, so hence the no posting, commenting, blah blah.

I completely forgot to email Carol before leaving for my trip, until Thursday, when I met up with a couple of the ad girls from work and I realized I had mentioned meeting up with her since I would be in her area! Carol if you're reading this, I'm so sorry!

I have a post about Orlando, but I want to write it and post it later. Right now I'm not thinking properly, sidelined from work with the after effects of a bad headache, no sleep and upset tummy :(

But of course, my thoughts after "ouch, this sucks." Are "wow. I can't wait until I talk to him again."

Things are still moving nicely with MN. We talked a lot while I was away, I find our phone calls are not once a week, twice a week, they are as often as we want them to be. We talked a total of like 4 hours spread out on Friday! I can't believe we have so much to talk about.

And I can't believe I met this man at a club.

Last night we both shared some skeletons in our closets that could have possibly turned each other away but I think we were both grateful that neither of us are judgemental. And it was proof - everyone has baggage.

Sunday we went to a local waterfront and just stood at the railing, catching up and watching the river for signs of the whale that's supposedly roaming up and down between Jersey and PA.

As we stepped up to the railing and we hugged, and he held me, he said, "I kind of missed you. I mean, I know we don't really see each other during the week but you know, knowing you weren't here...I don't know what that means."

Hmm. MN. I think it means we're on the same page.

We hung out at the river for a couple hours, standing at the railing, walking, holding hands. Then we went to get dinner. After dinner, we couldn't figure out what to do. The sun was setting and neither of us were into any of the activities that we could think of. What the heck is there to do on a Sunday night when shops are closed and the sun is setting and the warm day is easing into a cooler night?

Well, aside from that, kids.

So we went back to my house and just hung out talking and of course, that, kids. :)

Right now, I'm finally feeling a little better. although I have this dull ache in the top of my head. I should just take an execedrin and be done with it but I try not to take meds when I can. I'm playing my "guy country" playlist and I'm trying to work on my last memoir for class, to get my mind off it. And later I want to work a little on a story for work.

I feel like my head and tummy ache (I would rather work with a full blown cold than with an upset tummy!) were my body's way of saying, hey, you need to take this day and catch up.

My fears relieved

2005-04-08T13:28:00.000-05:00

“*insert name here* has a single friend and she asked me if I had any good single friends that may be interested. Not sure if you are interested or if that would be man overload.” – email from Cat.

Hell no, bring the men ON! I told her.

I’m at my best, right here, right now. I can’t let this go to waste! (hahaha) I’m almost as skinny as I was in college (woo hoo, only 13 lbs. away from my goal weight, which is about 10 lbs. lower than my high school/college weight!), but I’m much more mature and have a lot more culture and intelligence under my belt. And life experience.

But I am, of course, happy dating MN right now.

We talked for three hours last night, it was ridiculous. I brought up going to AC and he liked the idea, suggested we make it an overnighter so neither of us has to worry about who’s driving. It’s just smart, especially since we are planning to cut loose and drink and just have fun. I can’t wait!

The rest of the weekend promises craziness, too. Tonight I’m supposed to go out and party up with a friend from work and her crew. Tomorrow I’m hosting a bridesmaids get together.

Sunday at noon I order my bridesmaid dress. If you go to the bottom of the web page, (not the strip at the top, that’ll navigate you away) there’s a small strip of like 6 colors that the dress comes in. Ours will be apple, the red color! GRRR!)

It’s going to be hard later, when we’re planning the bridal shower, to not mention things in here, but I can’t! What if Cat comes across it? I am worried. I couldn’t even keep from her that I was having the girls over tomorrow for a bit of bonding. Sheesh.

Patience makes dreams come true, I hope!

2005-04-07T10:01:00.000-05:00

I’m so stoked that people are up for doing a blog meet-up in SJ. Even though I live closer to Philly (10 minutes vs. 45 minutes) AC is always a good place to go and unwind, or wind up. And the bonus is, if you meet your fellow bloggers and you think it sucks, you can go off and do your own thing. Bring a friend!

And Carol, I will definitely email you about next week!

I went over Cat’s last night for some grillin’ and beer swillin’ with her and a small group of friends. I threw back a couple beers, ate almost an entire bag of old-bay seasoned potato chips, scarfed down some turkey sausage and a marinated steak and rice and grilled asparagus.

Apparently, my desire to eat is back. And I’m definitely feeling less anxious this morning. I’ve been worrying again about my car, finances, getting stuff done before leaving for my next business trip (they’re just BAM BAM BAM non stop right now).

I have too many awesome things to focus on right now, anyway. Including the latest: I have news!

Remember I mentioned I’d pitched a column idea to a paper last year? And I never heard from them? Well, one of that paper’s reporters has class with me and told me about a part time features gig they had open.

This was about four weeks ago, and I never followed through on the whole thing. I just got busy. I started traveling. I missed three weeks of class between spring break and my trips. I didn’t have time and figured, why would I have time for a part time features gig?

Well, said reporter asked me if I’d called, and when I said no, he let me know that he wasn’t too happy about that, since apparently, he put in a major plug for me with the ed, which I didn’t know he was going to do. The same ed that I pitched the column to, last year.

Yesterday I left the ed a message about it, identified myself as the woman she spoke with late last year about the column, that I’d spoken with said reporter and that he said…yada yada… and she called me back and left ME a message.

That I LOVED.

Apparently, the column I pitched – it’s not dead!

Details have to be worked out. And it’s probably not for another couple months, especially since the biggest factor is finding the money to pay me each week.

But to me, a column will be a much better freelance job than the other, because I will write one thing a week, and if I will be busy traveling, I will put columns in the can for them to use when I’m not around.

OH MY GOSH! I’ve mentioned that have a regular column again is my dream, right? Wow.

Oh won't you come and play?

2005-04-06T09:35:00.000-05:00

My friend Janet and I have been talking for a while about co-hosting a Jersey blog meet-up, and she’s been talking to someone else about it (I would plug her blog but I don’t know who she is, just that she’s Kate!), and we’ve come to this:

June 25. Atlantic City.

For information on AC, if you don’t have a gambling addiction or just don’t go there much…

The AC tourism website. (You can also find hotels and stuff if you don’t want to drive home that night)

Up in the air is exactly where we’re going to meet initially or what time. I’m voting for this tiki bar, which I believe, is outside the Hilton.

Because come on, haven’t you guys sat back and wondered what we all look like, how we really are in real life? Is that person as much fun or as nice in real life as they appear to be in their blogs?

This is our chance to meet each other and put faces with the names! To get together and bond on a more tangible level! To talk about our writing, about other things we have in common.

C’mon! We can guarantee that there will be at least two of us there - come meet the girl behind the witty Art of Getting By! Janet has a great laugh and she’s just as witty in person as she is on her blog.

And hey, you have to come meet me! There are some of you that I would feel like giving a great big bear hug to upon meeting (Tara!) and then those of you that I’d make do a shot with me at the bar (King Nate!).

BTW – anyone near Orlando? I’ll be there next week for four or five days, and I always love meeting people when I can! Let me know!

So I hope to see you guys there. Let me know if you’re interested, and I’ll have Janet include you on the email list of updates. Between now and June 25 I’ll be posting about the meet-up in hopes that you’ll come!

On to other news…

My third sleepless night, but at least I felt like eating this morning. Coffee is my best friend. I’m looking forward to the weekend though. I have been feeling frisky since the beginning of the week, feeling the need to go out and play this weekend. So I’m going out one night with friends, and I’m hoping MN will want to go to AC with me another night.

I want to PLAY! I want to dance, drink, laugh and have a good time. I want to get my flirt game on!

Damn it, I’m almost 28 years old! I should not be sitting at home on a Friday night, doing laundry, like I have been the last couple weeks! I’m in the prime of my dating life! My body’s not looked this good since college!

GRRRRRRRRRR! Somebody stop me!

I mean, don’t! LOL

Look out, men, I'm on the HUNT

2005-04-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

If MN wants to date other women, then all I can do is be blasé about it and if he ends up with me, then he’s lucky. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to show him the kick-ass woman that I am. And if he doesn’t end up wanting me, then hopefully for him, he ends up wanting someone half as good as me.

(BTW – welcome true willow, and thanks for stopping by! *waving*)

Of course, that rationale doesn’t untie the knot in my stomach.

But it makes me want to go out this weekend, get liquored up, meet men.

I don’t know why I’m all bound up over this guy. I talked to him very briefly last night, he returned a message I left him at lunch time, about something funny that happened in the morning that related to the night before. I threw in there that I was sorry to get all girly on him last night and that I don’t really care to know if he’s dating other women, until something changes between us.

When he called back, he didn’t bring that part of the message up and neither did I. He sounded different, but I don’t know if I’m just reading into it. Probably. We’ll see what happens when the weekend comes. We’ll see if I’m worthy of a Friday or Saturday night, or if I get downgraded to a Sunday again.

Actually, I do know what’s wrong with me. A friend who was giving me advice helped me see last night that it’s because he’s not just a lover, we’re developing a friendship. We can talk and he just discovered last week how ticklish I am and we giggle a lot and take pot-shots at each other and just have fun together. It’s about more than sex. When we talk on the phone, even if we’re just making plans for him to come over, we talk for an hour or more.

And yes, Mickicas, I’m a stickler for protection! No babies here thank you! No crazy diseases or life-threatening parting gifts, thank you!

So here I am, getting all personal again on my blog when I said I wouldn’t.

*sigh*

From the mouths of insecure women

2005-04-04T08:31:00.000-05:00

While eating ice cream, MN and I are chatting about us and he is teasing me that he knows how us girls are and that he bets I’ve told my friends about, certain, uh, things.

To which I reply, sure. Well, I said, have you told people you’re dating someone?

He said yeah, nodding his head, but something about it was weird.

So later, we’re at my apartment, and I broke down and got all girly, after priding myself on the car ride back that I was NOT girly.

“So, are you seeing anyone else?”

WHY didn’t I keep my mouth shut?

“Yeah,” he said, “I mean, I meet people, and there’s been a couple phone calls here and there but nothing like this,” he sad, pointing at the two of us, on the bed.

That was enough for me to become completely insecure and suddenly realize all the ways in which we probably would not work, even though earlier he’d given me the best back massage, without expecting anything in return, and I thought maybe we’d reached another point where the dating progresses into something more. It’s only been a month, I’m not expecting much, but I don’t know what I was expecting by asking that question.

Add to my new insecurities the fact that he insisted on going home last night, because I had to work this morning, “if I stay you won’t get any sleep,” he said. Which was true, but I got no sleep anyway.

And I am completely a sad, sad girl this morning. I mean, on the verge of crying sad.

Part of me thinks, hey, he didn’t have to be honest with me. The other part thinks, hey, he’s at a point in his life where women are noticing him (he had also lost a lot of weight) and he’s free to do what – and who – he pleases, and I just fit into that right now.

I guess I have to face the fact that this might not be what I’d like it to be and suddenly, my guard is up and I feel the barbed wire fences around my heart.

But who knows, right?

Beverly Hill-billy

2005-04-01T17:22:00.000-05:00

I just got home from a biz trip to Los Angeles this morning, after a red eye flight from that coast to my coast. I was seated next to this Italian model-type in a cracked leather jacket and appropriately faded blue jeans and shiny, down-the-back-of-his-neck black hair with a U2 iPod attached at his ears, playing air drums and whining along with his music at various points of the 5 + hour flight, jolting me back from near-sleep.

Sleep?

I got a few winks. Did I mention the kid in the seat behind me, coughing without covering his mouth and kicking my chair? Or the turbulence? And the hour and 15 minute delay?

I came home and went right to bed. Well, after I emptied my suitcase, cause I'm kinda anal about stuff like that.

Now I'm wide awake and raring to go! It was such an awesome trip, I had a bit of free time. I saw Beverly Hills - Rodeo Drive mostly. I walked the walk of fame, saw the Kodak theater and bought a cute brown baby tee that has "Hollywood" and a cosmopolitan with a lime done up in rhinestones on the front.

My by-far favorite, though, was Santa Monica. Oh my, was it beautiful there! Had I known, I would have gone the day before, brought my bathing suit, and swam in the Pacific. The ocean has this amazing ability to put me instantly at peace with everything and everyone. I stood there, letting the warm breeze drift and felt my heart bubble with the happiness of taking in all that blue, framed to my right by mountains dotted with homes.

It's truly like nothing else matters when you plop me in front of the ocean. I let that sun bath me in warmth, and I did what I could to engrave even the oddly shaped cars of the roller coaster on the pier to my memory.

But save for a sunburn on my arms and my neck/chest, the sun is gone from my life and is replaced by the clouds and ick of this nj weather.

Tonight will be a hum-drum affair. Laundry. Writing that paper that was due two weeks ago, FINALLY.

I talked to MN this afternoon. Don't tell, but I kinda miss him! I won't get to see him until Sunday, he's got a bedtime-tuck in date with his daughter tonight and plans with work friends tomorrow night.

So things are still progressing nicely with him and are pretty stable and I'm content, but of course I'm a total chick and want to ask him "so are you seeing anyone else?" or "so what is it we're doing here...are you my boyfriend?!" and I really, REALLY wanted to be all, "So did you miss me, at all? Think of me just a little bit???" But I restrain myself.

Anyway!

I didn't intend to NOT update for so long, I just have been so busy.

And for now I'm off again. It's been a long time since my last shower and I'm in need of one!

OK, WAIT!!!

2005-03-28T14:53:00.000-05:00

The part of me that loves blogging wins.

I'm just going to pick and chose what I write about.

I'll practice reserve at work and loyalty to my privacy.

But I'll be back.

And now it's time to say goodbye...???

2005-03-24T16:52:00.000-05:00

I think I'm leaving the blog-o-sphere.

I had written a post about three or four weeks ago that kind of outlined my feelings on privacy, blogging and getting in trouble about blogging at work, back when it first became a topic of conversation around here.

But I never posted the entry, and actually just deleted it from my gmail.

Deleting this blog has been on my mind for a while now, and I can see from reading others the last month or so, that blogging is a fading passion for them, as well.

There was a moment this week, that I almost caved. I had the screen up. My mouse clicked "Delete this blog" but when the prompter screen came up asking me if I really wanted to delete it and all the entries, I backed out.

At the same time that I've poured so much of myself onto the green of my template, I've poured so much of myself out there that I don't want to loose it all, either.

I truly am conflicted, although I have been leaning for several weeks toward leaving. Perhaps you've seen my less frequent postings, noticed that I haven't been commenting or reading other blogs as much.

For instance, I felt like I'd revealed too much when I told you about my Sunday morning. I took the post down because I wanted that memory for me, all to myself. I shared it, then I took it back. Is that so wrong?

I still am not sure what I ever wanted out of having a blog, save for a place to store my thoughts, my feelings and my ramblings. I'm a writer, for crying out loud!

But the biggest con to blogging is that someone in my life, past or present, will come across this blog. I don't think I've ever said anything wrong, so to speak, but I recall the anger I felt towards coworkers who were poking A LOT of fun at a former coworker who'd posted himself an ad on a dating service and they'd found it "by accident."

I would not want them to do the same to me. But that's just the superficial reason.

Blogging can also be, admittedly, a distraction during the workday.

Another huge con for me in keeping a blog is that writing here takes away from me writing in my soft, leather-bound journal. I want my thoughts and feelings to be carried with me in cardboard boxes from home to home, tangible and there for me in my own handwriting. I want to use the journal as my creative think-tank, my idea-keeper and my ear to listen when I am sad or happy.

It's in my leather-bound journal that I want to pour my heart out. I spent a good deal of time on the train home today, just writing in my journal. And that's me, all comfy cozy with my journal and my thoughts and my quiet time. Blogging is me, putting that journal out for other people to see.

So I may or may not go. I most likely will. But I may start a new blog, start all over again. I may focus strictly on my new lifestyle, my running (I'm officially now down 32 lbs! Working on my first 10-mile run!).

Regardless, I have made friends along the way of this journey and please, do not hesitate to email me at loislanejudy at yahoo dot com. I would love to stay in touch.

I'm going to go think things through. Perhaps try writing in my journal when I feel the need to blog. See how it goes.

For now, before I say goodbye, I'll just say goodnight.

A progressing romance?

2005-03-20T10:37:00.000-05:00

Well, Janet. As a matter of fact, it IS Sunday and no, we weren't still out.

But he just left about a half hour ago.

:)

And with that I'll leave you all to wonder what THAT means!!

Oh yes, that is what it means. More to come ya'all.

Well, my weekend just got more interesting!

2005-03-18T20:09:00.000-05:00

Male Nurse called me back!! Tonight!! He called and remembered I'm running a 5K tomorrow (score points for the man!), asked when I was done if I maybe wanted to meet up for dinner.

*sigh, swoon* YES!

So after the race is over, after Lin and I have had pho and shopped, I will have dinner with Male Nurse and then we're going to meet up with my friends who are going to the bar.

And he's totally cool with it. Even asked if Cat was going to be there.

It's kind of cute, he calls me "cupcake." I say hello and he's all cute and "hey there cupcake!" heheh *blush* I bet he says that to all the girls. It's kind of cheesy but it makes me smile!

And it also makes me crave another one of those damn chocolate cupcakes with vanilla cream and chocolate frosting with white swirlies on top of it - you know the kind I'm talking about? The Hostess ones? MMMMMMmm.

Anyway! I've got butterflies in my stomach! I like this being in like stuff. I like that dating is good stress, not bad stress.

You gotta know when to shut it

2005-03-18T09:34:00.000-05:00

I got home from the gym, (where I’d practically died after besting myself and running a 5K distance in 31:42, my best yet…this is a good week for me!) and had made up my mind to call Male Nurse but Janet’s comment and Denise’s words of encouragement on the phone helped me solidify the decision.

When I called I made some comment about how he lamented on Sunday night about not being able to go out with friends last night because he was working, so Happy St. Paddy’s day, and that I hope he doesn’t see too many drunk assholes in the ER on his shift, and I had a nice time Sunday, and give me a call if you want to get together this week, bye.

All in my cutest, sweetest voice and I think you could probably hear the shy smile in my voice.

So we’ll see if he calls back. What simultaneously stinks and is absolutely exciting about dating is the uncertainty. When you know you’d like to keep dating or pursuing someone, and you’re feeling smitten but you aren’t sure if they feel the same so you’re guarded and keeping your options open.

I’ve got an interesting weekend planned.

I have no plans tonight, except writing my memoir on my trip to Peru. I’m hoping to write something eventually publishable. I’ve always wanted to put Peru into words. This is my chance. I’m hoping to get a great deal of it written so I can call Dee and maybe get together with her – her hubby’s in Indiana for a wedding.

Tomorrow night I’m getting together with some college friends for an interesting night at a local bar – my one friend’s DJ friend who works at this particular bar is moving south so the bar is throwing a sendoff – and then afterwards, I’m supposedly going to the 7-10.

Which is code for “the nude bar that probably a lot of people I went to high school with are working at.”

Oh yes, a strip joint.

Not just ANY strip joint. The 7-10. My friend Scott said his girlfriend has always been curious about strip bars and he figured he’d get a group of people to go so maybe it’s not so awkward for her.

I have to admit, I’ve got a bit of a curiosity about it myself.

But this bar is right outside my hometown and I know it’s crawling with my classmates and people who live in the town. I remember dating a guy from my hometown who had a VIP gold card to the 7-10. My friend worked there as a hostess. I mean, this could be interesting, except I don’t want to see the half-naked bodies of girls I sat next to in English class.

I’m wondering how the night is going to go, regardless. I am hoping to avoid getting swoon over by someone. This may sound vain, but… read on.

My friend Scott’s friend Scott is someone I hooked up with in college and unfortunately, a couple Falls ago. He’s a cutie but we all think he’s gay and he should just come out of the closet and be a happier person.

Anyway, this Scott is an equal opportunity hook-upper. He liked me when I was a slender college girl. We hooked up when I was fat. He can’t stop talking about me now that I’m only seven lbs. away from my college weight. (And fitting into the suit I bought at a teeny-bopper store when I was a junior in college, thank you very much!!!)

This is great, except I think he’s gay. And he doesn’t think before he talks.

The latest drama: he ran into Cat at the gym and actually had the balls to go on and on to my best friend about my weight loss and how great I look and then told her, as she was in the midst of working out, that “you should try what Judy’s doing” and told her she could look like me too.

*ouch*

First of all, Cat’s taller than me. Her body shape is different. And the girl looks DAMN good. I would die for the skinniness of her arms. I hate my flubbies. Regardless, she’s lost 50 plus lbs and kept it off since 2001! Hello! She’s beautiful!

Second, there is no competition between Cat and I in weight loss. We support each other and if anything, knowing the other has made an accomplishment (a new weight on the scale or activity at the gym) makes the other motivated to try that for herself.

There is no “I gotta beat that girl. I need to be skinnier than her!” That idea has NEVER crossed my mind as I’m assuming it hasn’t crossed Cat’s!

Sunday I leave for a biz trip to DC. I am hoping to get some more writing done on the train that afternoon.

Speaking of writing…

Kiss me, I'm not Irish!

2005-03-17T16:28:00.000-05:00

Top ten reasons why I wish I were Irish:
1. I like green. It’s the color of money, it looks good on me, and if you eat the green M and Ms you’re horny or it makes your horny or whatever.
2. My last name is just so cute with a “Mc” in front of it.
3. I like Guinness – green beer is for weaklings and frauds!
4. My face is always red anyway.
5. I always wanted to be a redhead
6. One of my favorite boy names is Aidan.
7. My nationality’s let’s-get-drunk-and-be-silly holiday is Oktoberfest. It’s SO unloved. When was the last time you “went out drinking for Oktoberfest!”
8. I love ham and cabbage
9. Those pins that say, “Kiss me! I’m Irish!”
10. I’ve got a good temper for it, me thinks.

Top ten reasons why I’m glad I’m not Irish:
1. I don’t like whiskey
2. I secretly like shamrock shakes and Irish potatoes
3. Those pins that say, “Kiss me! I’m Irish!”
4. What’s so great about Irish girls, anyway? Huh? What about us German-Dutch girls, huh? HUH?
5. I like having blond hair, not red hair
6. It’s not like we get the day off from work or something.
7. I look good in green but much better in blue
8. I don’t have to really know about the holiday – I really have no clue what it’s about.
9. I prefer apple martinis to Guinness
10. I had a professor in college who used to say to me, “haha, you remind me of the Dutch girls.” Then he would smile and snicker. If I were Irish, I wouldn’t have this weird memory.

So happy holiday, ya all. I’ll be celebrating with another go-round 3 mile or so run at the gym, the weights, the bike, the torture. I think I might cave and call the Male Nurse later, too. He said when we were out that he’s got to work tonight so I figured it was the perfect way for me to be a wus and call when I know I’ll most likely have to just leave a voice mail to say hello, hope you don’t see too many stupid drunks tonight in the er.

Sigh. I’m “outtie.” Gonna get my arse moving.

Let's talk about sex, baby

2005-03-16T09:48:00.000-05:00

If you want inspiration to get up off the couch and maybe go for a walk, go read about what I think is this crazy shiznit in the NYT.

On the topic, I’ve been putting on the full court press lately to get past my plateau in weight loss, and finally, it’s paying off! I ran a 5K distance last night, timing myself on the treadmill because I haven’t done 3.1 or even 3 altogether with my new weight-training regimen. (I’ll do two, then do the weight machines, then try and run another mile after that).

So I pushed, running mostly at a 10 minute pace, and finished in 32:26. That is a PR for me, even though it’s not a race, I ran it like it was and I felt damn good when I finished. Well, ok. I felt physically drained with sweat dripping everywhere from every orfice and my body felt like it was wrapped for too long in a thermal-heated blanket but I felt like I’d accomplished something and I haven’t felt that way in a while when I work out.

I have given the scale nary a glance when I jump on it, focusing instead on the gym. After a while of seeing the same two or three numbers, I got to the point of oh, whatever. I’ll get past it someday.

I weigh myself and register it with WW but I don’t pay attention to it. It tells me I’ve been stuck and I look at the scale as a duty.

But the last two days, it’s telling me I’m not stuck any longer.

I’m down 30 and a half lbs. This is truly a milestone for me. I’ve been stuck at 27-29 lbs down, but to reach 30 and CROSS OVER it makes me smile and feel like I did when I first noticed myself shedding my fat suit.

Honestly? It makes me want to cry and gives me the inspiration I need to keep moving forward.

Of course, the boost my love life got Sunday doesn’t hurt.

Segueing into that…

I haven’t heard from Male Nurse yet. I know he’s been working and our schedules are a little opposite. Ok, a lot opposite.

I am tempted to call him. Especially since I’ll be up in his neck of the woods tonight.

Which leads me to talk about this: sex.

(Oh, how many searches I’m going to come up on now!)

I’m not a one-night stand kinda girl. I’m not a “hey, let’s go back to my place and get it on after like date one or two” girl.

I’ve never had sex with someone I didn’t end up loving or at least dated for more than year. Basically, there is no sexual encounter in my past that makes me flinch and draw in my breath and go “yeah, now THAT was something I regret.” Not even when they were with HWMNBN, because the sex was amazing with him.

My experiences are, I’ll admit, limited in terms of “numbers.” With me, there’s always been this unspoken kind of one month or one and a half month rule, and I can’t just sleep with anyone just for the act of having sex. I don’t know if I can separate sex from emotion. I think that holy-roller teenager still lurks inside me, damn her.

I actually had a lot of intimacy issues to overcome after growing up in a household with an ice queen mother (hugs, hugs? Only at Christmas) and the school of thought that sex is disgusting, and that I was going to wait until I was married.

Bah! Thank God I didn’t.

Sex is SO a good thing. *Sigh*

So there I was, spending Monday night dusting and uncluttering and cleaning my apartment, thinking, you never know when company will be coming.

*ahem* (pun intended?)

Sure, I’ve got Male Nurse on my mind. But if not him, there could be another. What if I DO decide to be uncharacteristic and do the bring-a-guy-home-spur-of-the-moment, one-night-stand kind of thing?

With being heavier and not really dating, I kind of pushed sex even farther into the back of my mind than I did everything else.

Now I’m a new, slimmer woman and thinking about all these things because my attitude makes them more of a possibility than it did before. That topic is in corner of my mind is peeking through, saying “hey, look at me! Not to complicate it even more now that you finally feel like you’ve got it all figured out in the world of actually dating…Hello! Could you take care of this too?!”

Perhaps things will just flow when I’m in the situation and next I ought to scrub my tub and sink and toilet, just in case.

So, readers. What’s your view? What’s the longest/shortest you’ve held out? Do you feel guilty about it? Do you think I’m crazy, wanting to have sex but wanting to wait an appropriate amount of time?

I'm in like!

2005-03-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

I went to the gym yesterday morning after a night of all-you-can-eat $19.99 crab legs, countless beers and an attempt at Cold Stone ice cream that I couldn’t follow through on. Wasn’t quite the birthday dinner I’d expected to be at, but it worked out well in the end!

So at the gym I did my two miles, jumped on the weight machines, and decided instead of going around for another mile, I would try and work some of the leg weights. I did the …

But wait. You don’t really want to hear about my workout, do you???

Ha!

Saturday I talked to Cat about the whole Male Nurse situation…

(yes, more suspense. But stick with me… I give you happy ending ;)

…I was surprised, too, because Cat’s been very proactive about the whole thing – asking if he’s called yet, if not she’s going to ask her friend about him, and finally advising me to call him, and if he doesn’t call back then give up.

Which is something I don’t take lightly. The fact that Cat was all about me seeing this guy again. It further solidified that I was interested in him, because he made such a good impression on one of my closest friends.

So I got done at the gym Sunday morning, around five to 11 in the a.m. I drove to DD for some coffee and had it figured out, what I would say. I randomly picked up my phone and I had a new voice mail message.

“Hey Judy, it’s Male Nurse, the guy from the birthday party last weekend…”

The sound of his voice just made me smile. So much so that when I hung up the phone I did what any normal girl would do.

I started hooting and hollering and pumping my arms in the car, screeching, half relieved I didn’t have to call him, ecstatic that he called me.

I called Cat after embarrassingly rolling up my rolled down window and hoping no one had heard me.

I hooted and hollered with Cat and then treated myself to sugar in my coffee, went home.

He said in his message he was off to bed, because he’d worked the night shift that night and said he was off to bed but he’d be up around 5-ish and he hoped he would hear from me soon.

*sigh*

I got myself ready, went to Lin’s mom’s 50th birthday bash. That deserves it’s own post, but let me say how much I enjoy seeing her mom smile! She’s an awesome lady and I’ve got a lot of respect for her raising two daughters on her own.

I didn’t want to go right home, because I was nervous so I did a little unnecessary shopping and then finally got home, dawdled over my purchases, and finally just picked up the phone around 5 something.

*sigh*

We chatted for awhile and he told me he wanted to call me sooner but things got crazy with work – he does night shifts and something else happened during the week – and so I asked him, since tonight you’re off, what are you going to do?

“Well, I’m sitting here talking to you,” he said, immediately followed by, “unless of course that was a loaded question and you wanted to see if we could meet up. I was going to ask you if you’ve had dinner yet, or you wanted to meet up for drinks maybe?”

Are you kidding? Uh, YES!

So we chatted for a little more and then decided to meet at 8.

It was nice. We sat in a diner, slowly all the other diners left the restaurant and we had this whole area to ourselves. He revealed a bit more about his marriages (divorced twice, I might have mentioned that prior!) and his son and daughter.

My only worry was when he said he was looking for something casual. I get the impression he’s very open to anything, including someday getting married again. He’s not sure he wants any more kids, but he said “never say never” which is ironic because I think Janet had said that in her comment on my earlier post on how I am not sure I want kids.

I told him casual’s good, but I know myself and that wouldn’t be enough for me I’d want more, I’d want that relationship. I am not looking to get married tomorrow, but I would like to have someone to call my own, so to speak.

But it is entirely too early to start worrying about stuff like that! It’s one-day-at-a-time, don’t-rush-in, etc. etc. So I just stored the info in the back of my mind for later use.

So around midnight we decided to go to a nearby pub for a couple drinks. We chatted some more. Had a couple drinks, closed down the bar.

And here’s the happy ending!

As we said good-bye he put his arm around my waist and pulled me to him and *sigh* we kissed.

And can I just say, it was perfect. I mean, the chemistry! We kissed for awhile.

*sigh*

And now, I’m sporting my very own perma-grin!

He called!

2005-03-13T12:07:00.000-05:00

WOOO!!! The guy I met last weekend (we'll call him Mr. Nightingale, the male nurse) called this morning when I was at the gym!! WOOO!!

HE CALLED!

Details later!

I'm a bad driver

2005-03-09T17:04:00.001-05:00

Monday afternoon I walked out of my office and into the sunny, 60 degree weather that blanketed my town, happy. I jumped in my car, popped on my sunglasses, pushed the button to open the sunroof and turned the volume up on the new "fiddy cent" cd.

"Hate it or love it the underdog's on top..." I sing, at the top of my lungs after I leave the parking lot.

I stop at the bank for money. Gotta pay the accountant that night to do my taxes. Count the money, put it in my bag and head back out on the street. Still feeling lifted - spring is in the air!

I go to my apartment, although I can't remember now why. My lunch was at the office. Then I drive around the access road to my apartment complex office. There's a small parking lot to the right of the office, but you can park on the street in front of it.

"Hmm," I thought. "I want to park right in front of the office, I don't want to walk from the parking lot just a couple feet away, so I'm going to just swing my little Lupa* around this parking lot across the street and presto! I'll be in front of the office."

*(that would be my car's name, actually full name is Chalupa. What can I say. I got her the same week I left for Peru.) *shrugging*

"Hate it or love it" is still blaring on my radio, repeated for maybe the third or fourth time.

I drive around the lot across the street so I can loop around and park in front of the office. I look both ways as I exit the lot, and as I am approaching the curb, I misjudge when to cut my wheel to the left and my right tire jumps up the curb and back down so violently that my seatbelt really cut into one of my "girls" and I uttered an "ow!"

I turned off fiddy. I felt like an idiot as it was. I turned off the car and I heard this:

Hsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

What the?

I got out of the car and sure enough, it was coming from my right front tire. I looked closer and I took a huge chunk out of the sidewall, and the air is coming out so fast I didn't have time to think about it. I went into the office, gave them my lease renewal and went back outside to poor Lupa.

I drove her to my apartment and parked her away from the other cars. I work just around the corner from my home, so I started the just-under-a-mile walk back. Along the highway. With tractor trailers screaming by.

I called my mom.

"Mom. I'm such a JACKASS," I scream, shouting more obscenities about myself while my mom sympathizes. The wind was really picking up along the highway so my hair was blowing every which way and I felt like crap, because I knew the tire was going to cost me money. A lot of money. And hadn't I just tapped my savings in order to pay to get my taxes done that night?

*Sigh*

Thankfully, my stepdad came over and changed the tire to my spare. My parents had no plans for the day and they insisted on taking the car and getting her fixed for me. I said yes because it really was helping me out.

My car was back to my work by the time I needed to leave for my taxes appointment.

It cost me $137. Or rather, I owe my parents $137 on Friday when I get paid.

From now on, Lupa and I are steering wide away from curbs!!!
I was really upset about it on Monday. Now, I think, what a Stupid Judy Moment! LOL

Baby love

2005-03-08T10:18:00.000-05:00

I went to get my taxes done last night, at the home office of one of my coworkers friend’s aunts. Her friend is also the godmother to the aunt’s little granddaughter.

Are you with me people?

Ok.

Coworker hoped that the little girl - her friend’s goddaughter - would be at the house.

Kids are cute. They’re cuddly, smiley and innocent. In fact, nothing beats a good, tiny infant to clutch and coo over, especially when they’re sleeping peacefully or smiling and gurgling happily.

Infants, like no other type of children, can bring out the maternal instinct in me. They make me want babies of my own.

But I was hoping that kid wouldn’t be there.

(Cue the scratchy backwards stop of a vinyl record)

The truth is, I don’t know if I want to bear/adopt children.

*the crowd gasps*

When I was younger, I saw myself popping out two or three young’uns, giving up my full-time career to freelance - writing catchy columns when the kids are down for a nap. Or when the hubby comes home to alleviate my duties covering municipal meetings to get out of the house and make a couple bucks.

This is what I thought I was supposed to do - along with the white picket fence, etc.

But I’m about to turn 28 and life hasn’t quite turned out the way I imagined. I’m not married (by now, according to my former life plan, I was supposed to be working on kid #2). My career is in full swing. Right now, the only person that depends on me is, well, me.

I love kids, mostly. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt awkward around them.

The pros of childbearing/rearing:
Somewhere, deep inside, I have maternal instincts. I’ve felt them. They’re in there. Somewhere.
Having a special bond, a tangible proof of the love I share with the man I will have at that point been married to.
The power of being called “mom.”
The coolness of pregnancy (it must be an awesome, amazing feeling!)
Watching something I helped create grow and flourish under my care
The joy of baby’s first steps, baby’s first day at school, child’s first tube of lipstick, teen’s first STD (Oops, I mean, first prom.)
Knowing I will have someone to take care of me when I’m too old to do it myself.
That pure feeling of selflessness.

The cons of childbearing/rearing:
If they get sick…
That never-gonna-sleep-again thing when they’re young because they sleep more, but less consistently than adults.
Dirty diapers.
I’m selfish, and suddenly, I’d have to be selfless
The agony of a rebellious teenager who hates you after you have selflessly given up your own wants and needs to cater to theirs.
My life will most likely revolve around the child(ren).
Bratty three-year-olds.
I hate screaming, crying kids
The feeling that it is forever - once you have a kid, there ain’t no turning back.

So whatever. I might meet the man of my dreams and suddenly be overwhelmed by the desire to procreate and have his children. I’m not against it. I’m just on the fence, about to fall on the side of not wanting them.

I may have it in me to become a mom. I may want to in the future. It’s up to fate.

Right now, I am getting older and continue on in singlehood. I’d rather not have children than be the 60-year-old, mother of a 21-year-old. (Ok, maybe that’s exaggerating but that’s how I feel LOL)

Right now, it’s not a deal-breaker for future relationships. I know it’s something that can tear two people apart who do not share the common goal of having kids.

For now, the only reason I buy gerber’s bananas baby food is for my own, personal enjoyment. (don’t knock it until you try it.)

Just another part of the game!

2005-03-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

Saturday night Cat and I went to this club in Philly to a private birthday party for one of her high school friends. We rode over with her oldest friend and her little sister. We got there, and it was like a major high school reunion for all of them.

The sister and I were hanging out, just reveling in the awkwardness of being there but wanting to have fun. Her sister and Cat were off and about, catching up with people they hadn’t seen in years.

It wasn’t long into the evening when this guy comes up to us and starts talking, he was a friend of Cat and the sister, and he had this friend with him. I’d heard this guy was like the class clown, so I started to kid around with him about it to break the ice and soon the four of us were laughing and talking. Then I started talking to the friend.

And we didn’t stop talking, all night.

I LOVE being single!!!

We had things in common (losing weight, singing) and things we didn’t (he’s divorced – twice). We were laughing and having a good time and it was easy.

The lowdown: he’s 35; handsome/cute/great smile; I hope I would be his height without my boots on because I was taller than him with them on; he’s into karate so he felt nice when we were dancing :); I don’t really remember his eye color but his hair was brown. He’s got two kids – 15 and 7. Divorced twice, yes, but he said he has a good relationship with both exes, which is nice, especially for the kids. He’s a nurse, er, in the hospital I was born at.

So we’ll see. We exchanged numbers outside of the club. I told him I wouldn’t call him, he’d have to call me – I’m just old fashioned like that.

Exchanging numbers isn’t what it used to be, by the way. It used to be a napkin, a business card that your number would go down on. The struggle to find a pen in a crowded bar.

Now, you whip out your cell phone and plug in the info.

Our group decided to go to a local diner, their high school hangout, for a late-night meal. It was nice, when we were all getting up to go, I stood up and then reached behind me for my chair to move it out of my way to get out but he’d already pulled it out for me! How sweet!

As we parted ways in the parking lot he kissed me good night! Just a peck, now - I’m not about to go hooking up with someone in a diner parking lot I just met LOL

I didn’t get into my bed until almost 6 a.m. It has been YEARS since I did that. But it was a lot of fun!

Not so fun: as soon as I finished my meal at the diner I felt sick to my stomach. It felt like a load in my stomach. I went to bed and kept waking up, nauseous. I think between the food and being up so late – I’m never up past 1 a.m. these days! – it messed with my body.

So who knows if the guy is going to call. I had a blast either way!

I’m learning that it’s not so hard to meet someone. I’m much more laid back about dating than I was last fall, even a couple months ago. And I’ve realized, too, that I’m not looking for “the ideal” anymore. So what if he’s divorced, or what if the guy doesn’t have a college education? These things don’t matter as much as I thought in the past.

That and finding a man would be nice, but it’s not my life’s mission.

Perhaps the stars are finally aligned for me and my love life!

A final survey to finish the weekend

2005-03-06T22:37:00.000-05:00

Stolen from a "Knockoff Bag" visitor, JustAGirl

Bold items are true.

I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex

I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

I’ve Never Crashed A Friend’s Car

I’ve Never Been To Japan

I’ve Never Been In A Taxi

I’ve Never Been In Love

I’ve Never Had Sex In Public (well, it depends - are we using the former cigar-lovin' president's definition of sex?)

I’ve Never Been Dumped

I’ve Never Done Cocaine

I’ve Never Shoplifted

I’ve Never Been Fired

I’ve Never Been In A Fist Fight

I’ve Never Had Group Intercourse

I’ve Never Snuck Out Of My Parents’ House

I’ve Never Been Tied Up

I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone

I’ve Never Been Arrested

I’ve Never Made Out With A Stranger

I’ve Never Stolen Something From My Job

I’ve Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square

I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date

I’ve Never Lied To A Friend

I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher

I’ve Never Celebrated Mardi Gras In New Orleans

I’ve Never Been To Europe

I’ve Never Skipped School

I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker

I’ve Never Cut Myself On Purpose

I’ve Never Had Sex At The Office

I’ve Never Been Married

I’ve Never Been Divorced

I’ve Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week

I’ve Never Posed Nude

I’ve Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them

I’ve Never Killed Anyone

I’ve Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner

I’ve Never Thrown Up In A Bar

I’ve Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire

I’ve Never Eaten Sushi

I’ve Never Been Snowboarding

I’ve Never Had Sex At A Friend’s House While They Were Throwing A Party

I’ve Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room

I’ve Never Flashed Anyone

I’ve Never Met Anyone From Online

A, B, C, easy as 1, 2, 3!

2005-03-05T18:35:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Mickicas!

Accent: Southern Jersey

Bra size: 38 C

Chore I hate: Cleaning the bathtub BLECH

Dad's name: Steven

Essential make-up products: Smashbox wet/dry foundation (an everyday essential for toning down my red cheeks!); Wet N' Wild eye liner in Cat's Meow (it's a bright, metallic kelly green); Dessert Beauty lip glosses (to keep my pucker soft AND, apparently, edible); my Clinique and Smashbox lipsticks (they last long and look per-ty); Avon brow liner (for those times when I get a little TOO happy with the brow trimmer); I can't pick between my eye shadows. I love them all. By the way, I don't wear all this stuff at the same time LOL

Favorite perfume: In Love Again, Yves St. Laurant. I love it. I smell so good wearing it! It makes me happy.

Gold or silver?: I like both - I coordinate.

Hometown: G City, NJ.

Interesting fact about yourself: I was president of my church youth group for three years when I was in high school. Oh yes, a hidden past.

Job titles: from retail - cashier, customer service/checkout supervisor, customer service rep, associate, sales woman; from journalism - staff writer, news reporter, columnist.

Kids: None

Living arrangements: My own place, apartment

Mom's birthplace: Camden NJ

Overnight hospital stays: One, for a week.

Phobias: needles, planes, roller coasters without harnesses

Question you ask yourself a lot: When am I going to get laid again?

Religious affiliation: Methodist.

Siblings: None

Time I wake up: during the week, about 7. Weekend, 8 or 9, then I go back to bed if I can and be lazy until noon.

Unnatural hair color: Hmm. a brownish red. One time I got sick of being blond. Yeah yeah, I know.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: zucchini, squash. GOO!

Worst habit: Worrying

X-rays?: as in, ever? huh? Sure, I've had a few. My broken elbow, my left knee, my head (constant migraines as a kid! hahaha ... I've had my head examined) and my leg.

Yummy food I make: mexican lasagna

Zodiac sign: Taurus. Don't mess with the bull.

The things we find along the way

2005-03-05T12:30:00.000-05:00

I have been meaning to blogroll some more sites but I'm lazy. For now:

Untitled

Traveling Along a Current

and

Living in a Bubble

Other random tidbits of advice for your weekend pleasure:

I saw "Saw" last night. Go rent it! Moments of bad acting punctuated by GREAT suspense-filled plot.

Saw "The Forgotten" last night. Don't rent that unless you've seen everything else out there and want to fall asleep.

Go buy coloring books and the largest box of crayons you can find. Use them when you're stressed. Or what the heck, just use them.

And finally, if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

Studio 4

2005-03-04T10:15:00.000-05:00

My car moved up Main Street and I took in the historic shop fronts painted in pastels and shades of brown. I saw rockers on porches that sometime wrapped around tiny houses; shop signs made of wood.

I felt the Victorian theme of the town, one foot forward and one foot in the past, tucked just a step away from the progressive Walmarts and single-family mansions of the highway I’d turned from.

I smiled and laughed when I passed the satellite office of my old paper. Ha! I thought. I’m so lucky to be gone from there, gone from the political crap I had to cover.

I made a right at a light, down Union Street and parked in a lot across from one of those quaint houses, my music school.

The knot in my stomach tightened as I got out, locked my car and I jumped off the driveway, hurried across the street and up the splintered front steps.

I opened the door and I felt like I was entering someone’s home.

I walked into a room and a slight musty smell greeted me, as if maybe someone’s grandmother lived there. But then I spotted colorful guitars and sheet music.

“Can I help you?” asked a young guy behind the desk. I turned my attention to the glass-topped counter he stood behind.

“Yes, I have an 8 p.m. voice lesson?” I took in the calender on top of the counter, the penciled-in appointments smudged.

“Ok,” he consulted the calender. “Are you Judy?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, follow me.”

He led me to a narrow stairway and we walked up carpeted stairs. We came onto a hallway with numbered rooms, most of the doors shut. I heard the piano to my left and some kind of flute or clarinet coming from around the bend in the hall. There were chairs in the hall and an older woman reading while she waited for something, or someone.

“You’re in studio number 4, and your teacher is Lauren,” he told me. Introduce myself, he said, when she’s done with the student she’s currently with.

“Thanks!” I told the boy. I felt like a giant in the small hallway and after using the bathroom, I settled into a chair to wait. From studio 4, I heard guitar strings and a male voice singing “Peaceful, Easy Feeling” by The Eagles. He wasn’t too bad and I felt my foot tapping the air.

The music stopped and Lauren and the student chatted about his progress. He’d come a long way, but he knew what he had to do.

Suddenly, the door opened and out he came, an older man, smiling. I stood up only after he reached the stairs to exit, I didn’t want to seem too eager. I peeked in on Lauren, who sat at a piano in the tiny room.

“Hi – ”

“Are you Judy?!” she asked, her smile wide and glasses perched on her nose.

“Yes, Lauren? Hi!”

We shook hands and she had me sit down. I took off my coat and she asked me to tell her the story of my music.

She was one of those people you immediately like, a first impression that makes you feel good.

I told her how I’d wanted to be Madonna when I was a child, an impossible feat. I told her about choir in sixth grade. Trying out for the high school play. Singing Jewel, and “Amazing Grace,” folk music, open mics.

“What do you do for a living?” She paused her pencil.

“I’m a reporter,” I told her.

She laughed and said something like that was cool, “I could tell - you have great diction, you pronounce everything clearly, I could tell you’ve had speech lessons.”

Well, I haven’t but I took the compliment and wondered if my job has helped me to speak with less of a South Jersey accent. Janet, too, told me Sunday that my accent is not as bad as it used to be.

Lauren didn’t waste any time. I only had a half hour with her.

“Sing ‘Amazing Grace for me,” she said, placing her fingers above the piano.

“Ama-zing Grace, how sweet, the sound –”

She cut me off. “You just went in three different keys,” she said, when I was only supposed to be in one.

She let me continue and I sang the first verse to its end.

“You have a beautiful voice,” she told me. But. Although I had an ear for staying in tune and what the piano was doing – she said she could hear me adjusting as she played – I needed to learn how to use my chest and head voices and not rely so much on my belting voice. “As tempting as it is,” she said, because our belting voices always sound strong and strapping. But, they also limit how high we can go in range.

I sang for her the Star Spangled Banner. I told her that was my goal – auditions are in about three weeks.

“I think we can get you ready for that,” she said. All I really need, she said, is to tap into my chest and head voices to smoothly transition from lower to higher notes in the song, but over the long term she wants to teach me how to sight-read music, develop those two chest and head voices and how to read music.

My vocal cords sound healthy, she said, although I’ve been relying on my belting voice which can cause callouses. When she would smile and nod her head as I hit notes it encouraged me.

She asked me after we’d almost finished what some of my long-term goals were. I would love to do a musical play. I’m totally a drama queen. Maybe start a part time business as a wedding singer.

“So I’m not wasting my time here?” I asked her as I stood to leave, still insecure in the talent I really only started to develop a couple years ago.

“No, not at all!” she replied.

I left studio 4, and headed downstairs to square away my gift certificate and bill. I picked up a sheet on tuition. Oh, I would LOVE to continue lessons after my time is up!

And with that, I left, skipping across that quiet street to my car in the parking lot, trying to think of how I could afford it.

Gone were the nerves, replaced with a new confidence. I talked to my mom, and sang the whole way home.

So happy Friday, and here’s *clinking glass* to new ventures and exploring sides of yourself that surprise even you.

It's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day...

2005-03-03T22:12:00.000-05:00

...Or at least, I hope so!

You're all right, and thank you SO much for your support. You have no idea how much reading your comments helped me out this afternoon/this morning. I didn't feel alone anymore. One of you - sunshine? - said that we independent women take everything on ourselves and sometimes, the load gets too heavy. I cried when I read that.

I am doing things FOR ME, but aside from getting my nails done every couple weeks, I am not taking any really good time to just be me, hang out in my apartment, watch tv. I need silent down time, quiet. I haven't been getting it and my soul is cranky.

For all my socialness, I am still a writer at heart. I value "alone."

Funny, that in my upset last night, I only saw the negative of alone, the literal sense of the word.

But I was able to get on with my day and I felt better. And I gave myself a free pass to eat crap - a KFC lunch and an undisclosed number of chocolate cupcakes with pb cream filling. Homemade. MMMMmm.

I skipped dinner, met with my new writing group - an intimate gathering of four - soon to be six - of us that will share out works-in-progress outside of the classroom setting.

And feel free to steal this list. I stole it from Laura!
1. First name? Judy
2. Were you named after anyone? Well my mom says I was named after her friend Judy, my dad says after his sister, my Aunt Judy. So yeah, I was named after two people.
3. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes, when I see them shooting across the sky.
4. When did you last cry? Hahah. This morning.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Sometimes.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? capicola
7. What is your birth date? May 12, 1977
8. How many pairs of shoes do you own? About 22…add 4…holy. I might own almost 50 pair between dressy, sneaker, winter/summer. Jesus! Although I have to go through them all and toss the ones that are just so darn old.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Yes. I already am one of my bestest friends :)
10. What is the color of the handtowel in your bathroom? It's fairy pastels, to match the fairy motif
11. Would you ever get plastic surgery? No, unless something happened and I was deformed.
12. What are you good at that not many people know about? I can twitch my nose.
13. Shamrock shakes - do you think they'd be good all year round? If I were a leprachaun
14. What is your favorite number? 10
15. Your favorite word? finnagle
16. What is the last place you went to in your car? A coffeehouse
17. Why are you doing this? I'm bored.
18. Do you have a journal? Yes
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Is the pope close to croaking?
20. Do you think leg warmers should make a comeback? No
21. Does your car have a name - what is it? Chalupa - Lupa for short.
22. What are your nicknames? Some that are still and no longer used, running the gamut from middle school to now, in no particular order: J-ru, j****…Speedy, Bird, Hudi, Kinky (oh yes), Blondie, Smiles, lois lane, Judy #2, Brussel.!
23. Would you bungee jump? Probably not.
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Depends on how bad I have to pee when I get home.
25. Favorite Movie? I like "Someone Like You" - that's my fav of the moment
26. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Bubble gum, baby!
27. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? coffee
28. Shoe Size? 9, 9 1/2
29. Red or pink? Red *grrrrowl*
30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? It used to be my weight. Now I’m pretty damn happy. Oh WAIT - I hate my worry tendencies.
31. Who do you miss most? My grandmom on my dad’s side.
33. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Light cream/khaki colored dress slacks, denim pumps (to match the long sleeved zippered denim shirt. With the denim and brown handbag matching. Damn, I’m a sexy fashionista! LOL )
34. What are you listening to right now? “Mysterious Ways,” U2
35. Last thing you ate? A chocolate cupcake with peanut butter cream filling!
36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? sky blue
37. What is the weather like right now? Cold. Blustery. Winter-like. Make it stop!
38. Last person you talked to on the phone? My mom, last night.
39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile, eyes, overall face.
40. The first thing you notice about the same sex? What kind of purse she's carrying.
41. Favorite alcohol drink: Flavored martinis.
42. Favorite regular drink? right now it’s diet pepsi. I’m trying to get the free songs, what can I say? So far, out of four bottles, two songs!
43. Favorite Sport to play? Basketball, running.
44. Hair Color? Honey blond? Is that a color? Dirty blond maybe?
45. Eye Color? blue
46. Do you wear contacts? yes
48. Favorite Food? PHO.
49. Last Movie You Watched? Little Black Book, last night!
50. Favorite Day Of The Year? The Day of My Birth.51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary movies AND happy endings. How bout THAT?!
52. Summer Or Winter? Summer
53. Hugs OR Kisses? Right now I’m kiss-deprived. So kisses. Lots of them!
55. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Warm apple crisp with vanilla ice cream
58. Living Arrangements? An apartment by myself.
59. Graduate when? From grad school - may 07
62. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? I bought an on demand movie
63. Favorite Smells? The shore, certain perfumes and colognes, spring days after the rain.
64. What time do you go to bed? between 10:30 p.m. and 11 on weeknights!
65. If you had a pet chinchilla, what would its name be? Bob
66. What's the furthest you've been from home? Italy I think was further than Peru? Not sure. I’m geographically challenged.
67. Do you have a special talent? Well, in the blog world writers are a dime a dozen - my special talent is my imitation of a monkey. I will audioblog for you soon.
68. What is your ringtone? Copacabana.

I don't know

2005-03-03T10:40:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just forgotten how to walk? You put one foot in front of the other and when you suddenly become aware of the fact that you’re going through the motion is trips you up?

Something is seriously eating at me, and it attacks me when I lie in bed at night. Which, I guess, has nothing to do with the aforementioned problem I seemed to have yesterday with walking.

Anyway.

I lay there, my stomach just a tight bundle of worry and nerves and I don’t know what to worry about more – money, safety, losing everything or my car breaking down, owing money, not having enough money. Going broke, going carless.

Wishing I could gracefully quit grad school.

I’m tortured, lying there in the dark.

My stomach is turning over, just thinking about it.

Last night I finally just broke down and cried. I was frustrated with not being able to sleep, and I was sad, lonely, worried and cried so hard I felt it in my heart. I cried so many tears that they dotted my comforter as I sat up in bed, pushing my hands through my hair and feeling despair.

I don’t like feeling this way, and I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me.

Why is it when things seem to be going relatively well in my life, I suddenly act like a worry-wart? An extreme, emotional worry-wart?

It’s funny, the only time being single bothers me is when I’m down about other things. Then it’s like the icing on top of the cake. So I am lying there, all consumed by worry and suddenly I start crying and then think, “Oh yeah, in addition to having a fragile savings that could blow at any moment if my car breaks down and after putting out for the wedding, I’m all alone in this mother fing world.”

Perhaps that’s why I avoid my apartment and throw myself into outside activities. THAT makes me miserable too, the fact that my apartment is messy, my tub has a ring around it, and I’m never home to do anything about it and when I am, I just want to rest.

And grad school. Well, you know what, judge me if you must but right now, I just don’t feel like working that god damn hard.

I’m not depressed. I’m a happy girl. I’m not shying away from social situations (quite the opposite, actually). So what the f is wrong with me these days?

Huh?

2005-03-02T16:34:00.000-05:00

A stream of consciousness…

I saw FKATC today and didn’t feel a thing! Not those little jolts in my stomach and I didn’t feel my cheeks well up into a blush on my cheeks. I didn’t stand up straighter or listen to him talking.

(sigh)

I’ve lost the capacity to work. It’s almost quittin’ time and I’ve quit for the day. I went at my job hard the last several hours. I knocked out a story and I started another.

I also drank an interminable amount of coffee, tea, water and soda and wish I had a port-o-potty in my cube.

Anyone else ever listen to Foreigner’s “Waiting for a girl like you” and heard the crickets at the end? Is that weird or what?

The more I read King Nate, the more I crave bacon. Seriously. Bacon, though, on a micky-dee’s bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. Mmmmm.

Must. Have. French fries.

Ohh…. “The Blower’s Daughter” just came on. *sigh*

I’ve got my first voice lesson tonight.

I talked to my friend Who Rocks last night (oh, new thing. Code names for EVERYONE. Although, WR can probably figure out who he is). He’s going to help me out with practicing the anthem.

I’m inundated with the anthem, the writing, the music.

“Can’t take my mind…. Can’t take my mind…

Off of you.”

Calling all blog template designers!

2005-03-01T07:54:00.000-05:00

I wrote this really eloquent post begging for help yesterday and blogger didn't publish it. BAH!

So here it is: I have an idea for a template redesign, but I can't do it and don't really want to do it - I blog for the writing hobby not the technical hobby. I know there are people out there who love web design and who love both the writing and technical hobby of blogging.

I'm just putting feelers out there for someone who might want to help me out! Please e mail me at loislanejudy at yahoo dot com if you are interested or know someone who might be.

I think it's time for this blog to have its own pep-and-style!

These are the days, by the way, that I wish I had stockpiles of posts like someone I know ;) I am lurking here and there, trust me.

It's all about me, me, me

2005-02-27T09:24:00.000-05:00

I hope this doesn't make me late for hanging out with Janet!

This comes from Stardust and Moonshine!

I AM: social, silly, a worrywart, pretty, ambitious
I HAVE: a good life, comfy jersey cotton sheets
I WISH: I could fall in love
I HATE: prejudice and sushi
I FEAR: plane rides, dying in a plane crash, needles, roller coasters that don't have shoulder harnesses.
I HEAR: The whirring of my pc tower
I WONDER: If all the dust on my computer equipment will harm it's working parts
I REGRET: nothing
I LOVE: pho, soft pretzels, my family, my close friends, Coach purses
I ALWAYS: say hello to everyone in my office and make nice with everyone from the bottom to the top.
I AM NOT: boring, hungry.
I DANCE: whenever I get the chance
I SING: whenever I get the chance - those auditions for the anthem are March 26! I will have three voice lessons by then!
I CRY: when I am sad, when I am pmsing.

YES or NO QUESTIONS:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: It's called a journal - Yes!
YOU LIKE TO COOK: Yes
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: Yes!

DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: Damn. I guess. Sorta. Does the gym hottie count?
WANT TO GET MARRIED: Yes someday
GET MOTION SICKNESS: yes
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: no
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Blonde
EYE COLOR: blue
BIRTHPLACE: Camden, NJ
FAVORITESNUMBER: 10
COLOR: blue
DAY: Saturday
MONTH: May or October
SONG(S): I love music - there's too many to put here! -
SEASON: Any but winter - goo winter!
DRINK: Sweet alcoholic refreshment - aka apple martini's, daiquiries

If you're happy and you know it, cash your check!

2005-02-23T10:43:00.000-05:00

I suppose I should be flattered, but never have I received more job recruitment offers than I have in the last couple months, the most recent happening Friday, in an email from someone in my grad program.

Hospital public relations, medical writers, managing editors, pharmaceutical industry writer/pr etc. The positions run the gamut. Our direct competitor has even solicited me; I’ve been solicited through my WORK EMAIL as well as my personal. It’s just bizarre.

And innovative on the part of the industry, such as it is we’re in reporting and these people are doing their investigative work.

The funny thing is, I’m happy where I work, and I’m not looking for a new gig. And even if I weren’t, and I was, I think I signed something that says I can’t go work for the competitor, and I can’t go into industry for at least so many years after being here.

Plus, my company has me by the purse strings. They’ve reimbursed me for tuition a couple times, and I owe them one year and four months until that debt is forgiven.

That never really bothered me until last fall, when I realized that I felt a certain freedom had been taken away from me.

It was kind of like the feeling a really burnt woman has when she finally finds a really good guy. You become cautious. You do what you can to protect yourself, to give yourself an out. Well, instead of closing off my heart, I’ve stopped asking for reimbursements, just in case.

This is weird for me, being happy in my job. I’ve always loved writing and reporting, but there was always a certain kind of dread in it for me. I hated covering municpal government, therefore, most days I hated going to work and I hated my job.

Each paper I tried to work at, I thought things would get better. I kept giving municpal reporting another shot, hoping it would change. Just like that woman and her abusive man.

But it didn’t. I wallowed in depression for a while, needing meds to lift me out and therapy to help me find my wings. (If only I’d known about red bull back then?)

I was given a small reprieve when I got my own column, but even that novelty wore off and I found myself slipping back into misery.

A kindergarten student, screaming and crying on his first day at school. I didn’t want to go to work.

Now? Now it’s completely different. For me, Sundays are relaxing and most times, I just think about Monday as another day, like a Sunday but with work. I actually look forward to it.

I enjoy the things I have to do, although they may stress me out, I never hate them. I respect my superiors and I like them. My boss even has my best interests at heart, which is hard to find. She goes to bat for me and she helps me swing sometimes, when I need it.

I just tried to look up stats on how many people are happy with their jobs vs. unhappy. I couldn’t find anything on the fly – but I think I’m one of the few, the proud.

Can you count yourself among us? If not, are you content to be unhappy, or will you do something to change your situation?

She loves me!

2005-02-22T21:35:00.000-05:00

I just saw a gut-wrenching thing and had to blog about it.

I was driving home and suddenly, the distinctive smell of skunk came at me through the car's heater. It might be weird but the smell doesn't bother me too bad, but it seemed to be getting worse as I inched along, almost making my eyes water.

That's when I saw it on the road, the poor little guy! There were smatters of blood on the asphalt in the other lane and a skunk was slowly ambling from them.

Oh! My gut clenched up and I hunched over my steering wheel, so sad!

Skunks seem very harmless to me, unless provoked! Poor little guy! I thought of Pepe le peu.

So as I drove on, I kept my eye on the rear view mirror, even though I could no longer see Pepe as he slowly made his way - and I mean slowly, that was what got to me. I glanced back to the road and a car whizzed by me, headed Pepe's way.

I found myself easing my foot off the gas, my heart raced and I felt nauseous. "Please brake! Please brake!" I said out loud.

I felt a bit of relief as I saw the car brake about where Pepe was hobbling, and I focused back on the road and raced into the house to blog about it.

Well, I made a tiny detour to indulge in a light cinnamon bun. Or two. And kettle cooked potato chips.

Sue a girl for pmsing! My god am I ever. I want to eat EVERYTHING!

I'm just glad the little guy might have gotten a chance to get out of the way of more cars, I don't want to think about his ultimate fate.

Life is just a barrel of monkeys

2005-02-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm breaking my own new rule, just today. It's lunch time.

Random tidbits: it's the easiest way to catch up!

*I just figured out what song the blower's daughter is. I need to download it.

*I also just figured out that Dave Chapelle's "I'm Rich James, bitch" is from like two years ago. Thanks, ACW.

*I have to find a way to get back my cool. Ever since I left daily papers, I haven't been keeping up on my news. What? Bush got reelected? No, I'm kidding. How could I forget THAT display of American idiots?

*I've decided to turn a biz trip to New Orleans that ends on the Day of my Birth (Thursday, May 12, :) ) into a long weekend with my friend Cat, who offered to fly out that Friday and help me celebrate my 28th birthday in style. I haven't told her I'm taking her up on the offer, but I can't wait to!

*I just burped a very gassy burp in my cube.

*I heard an announcement is forthcoming on a color-screen mini ipod, with an extra GB of space. I'm still happy with mine!

*Remember that thing that pee wee herman used to say on his big adventure show? "If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?" I think he was referring to some characters love of fruit salad or something. I would marry my iPod.

*What material thing do you own that you would marry?

*I am in lust with a guy at the gym who has the tell-tale white ear buds and an iPod of undisclosed size. I saw him Sunday, his white shirt was plastered to his skin from his sweat and I almost tripped over my shoes as I ran by on the track. He kind of reminds me a little of Matt Damon, but hotter. Really. And he gets red in his face and neck and he's just 10 times more adorable. I saw him last night, too, as I finished up on the bike. He's hot sweaty or clean. Yum!

*Those of you who read Janet, too, know that she just revealed her picture on her blog. With all the comments being left guessing who she was and complimenting who she turned out to be, I feel like I should be puffing my chest out and bragging that "I know her! I KNOW HER!" She;s like a celeb friend.

Well, I'll be bragging until her cell phone is abducted by people who publish all of her friends emails and phone numbers and people start calling me.

See? Sometimes I pay attention to the news. (also, RIP, Hunter. You were an inspiration.)

Hey, look! I finally learned how to link!

2005-02-20T19:32:00.000-05:00

I was reading the comments from my Friday post (thank you, guys! I appreciate it!) and I found Carmi's funny, because Carmi, trust me! A) Your hed shot IS adorable ;) And B) reporters draw a strange fascination from those who don't understand what it is we really do.

So let's let them keep thinking about it in some romanticized way. It's kind of fun to be made to feel like a celebrity (I'm thinking of all the praise you garnered for your gay marriage column - awesome btw!).

I was at Cat and Jim's engagement party last night, and Cat had brought her scrapbook of their relationship - a book that has come a long, beautiful way from when I watched her putting the hot glue on the fabric and lace. Inside that scrapbook is one of my columns, about living with Cat and Jim, and the theme of "Three's Company" runs through it.

As I was walking into the kitchen from the basement, Cat's family friend Bernice was reading the column and gushed all over me when she saw me.

"OH MY GOD! This is you! In the ---------- ------ -----!!!! That is so cool! There you are! And how funny, you were walking into the room at the exact moment I saw it!"

Bernice also had an outburst another time I walked into the room that I found amusing. "You're goin' to Vegas, Judy! It's going to be you, me, Cat, her mom, her godmom...(etc.)" Uh, I am? Oh yes, apparently I am... will blog on that if it becomes reality LOL.

Honestly, people think being a news reporter is like living a big adventure. And I'm evil. I don't disuade them. "Yes, *insert person's name*! It's so cool. You know that whole flu debacle? That's the kind of stuff I cover... what's that? Oh, yes. I do, I learn something new all the time."

Hahaha.

It's been a nice weekend. The engagement party was nice, the Wings game on Friday night a good time. It's just that today I'm trying to bang out a 1,500 word memoir and the words just are slow to come. I've got three pages of rough draft and it's due on Tuesday.

And what do I do this morning, to get myself closer to finished? "Oh, I'll just lay down for a little while and think about what I want to write..." Turned into a nap.

"Oh, I'll go for a quick run at the gym." Three miles and arms/abs and thighs worked later, I did a smattering of grocery shopping and arrived home to cook spaghetti, garlic bread and do my dishes and laundry.

And now, I blog.

What else can I tell you to keep up on the procrastination?

Oh. New makeup, compliments of my mom from the new Sephora catalogue. She picked me up a new eyeshadow that is a pink/green duo and a sampler of new lipglosses in flavors like lollipop and bubble gum. Damn, my lips taste good! I'm wearing the butterscotch toffee now :)

Before I go, I wanted to see what you guys thought on this...I read King Nate's post about the blog firing and I'm all freaked out. I don't want to blog from work anymore. But do you think it's inappropriate to blog at lunch time, from work? Or perhaps when I come home for lunch I'll blog at home. I don't know. What are your thoughts on blogging from work? I don't want to get fired. I love my job.

Good night, all. Time to get moving again on the memoir. I hope you all have a fantastic Monday!

I want to pull my hairs out

2005-02-16T09:03:00.000-05:00

Now entering three days of work hell. Three stories, 1,500 w each, in three days. Plus, watch a web cast.

No time to post.

If I survive, I will need margaritas and Old Bay seasoned french fries to dip in american cheese.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

"I lul you like the fat kid luv cake"

2005-02-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine’s Day all!

*hugs* *smooches*

So it’s Valentine’s Day and I was unsuccessful in meeting my first dating goal of 2005: to get a date for V-day.

I can’t whole heartedly write off the holiday, though. Just because I’m not rocking a dozen roses and gushing at how wonderful my man is, doesn’t mean I don’t like to celebrate love!

Plus, Valentines in the past have been enjoyable.

There was my high school boyfriend, who spoiled me with a heart-shaped gold ring with tiny diamonds along one side of the heart and a huge stuffed white teddy bear. It was a bit much for a 17-year-old, especially one who was not at the point in life as the boyfriend but if I’d known then what I know now…I’d be married to Brian and I’d probably have three or four kids already!

Then there was the V-day where I was dating HWMNBN, and he bought me a box of chocolates from his hometown chocolate store and some weird pictorial art book. We went somewhere, I forget, but I’m sure there were the two things we did best involved: liquor and sex.

Then there was the year I was with the hottie sports writer. Around V-day he got us tickets and took me to my first show at a theater in Philly (rag time) and we got all dressed up and ate dinner and had a great time. That was probably the classiest Valentine’s Day.

Last year I went out with Theresa and her brother and we met up with a couple others at a singles event at a bar in Philly.

Weird, though I’m a pretty low-maintenance kind of gal. So Valentine’s Day would be great if a guy just remembered to get me a card and told me he loved me.

Sans men, this year, Lin and I are thumbing our noses up and shouting, “Screw you, Cupid!” and getting pho for dinner.

I am, however, still taking applications for Valentine’s, so if you’re interested in being my Valentine, here’s my screening:
1. If you went on a date with Judy, where would you take her, based on what you know about her from her blog?
2. Which do you prefer on a woman: sweats or lingerie?
3. Which is better to do with your partner in crime:
A) tickle fights
B) burping contests
C) farting contests
D) I don’t like to play games
4. How would you hand a “Stupid Judy moment?”If I had a crush on you, would you like it? 5. If I wrote you a love letter, would you write back, I’m asking you 21 questions to find out…oh wait. That’s 50 cent.

Time for lunch. More *hugs*! (Hey, it's a holiday)

2005-02-13T18:15:00.000-05:00

"Honey, I'm home!"...

2005-02-11T21:34:00.000-05:00

...said the weary traveler to the empty apartment.

And to the blog-o-sphere.

Unfortunately, I am too pooped to prostrate to the blog gods.

I will have to tell you about my last couple days, but I've barely had time to think about anything other than work and I just want to go to bed, my head hit the pillow before 10 p.m.

For the record, I'm not all into Lent, and being meatless, but I decided to give up soft pretzels, for fun. Just to see if I can. So far, I'm three days without. Thanks all, for your comments in that post! *waving* Hi Dom! :)

And also, thanks for the love on the pics. My hair is great. I get up, I shower, I take three to five minute on my hair and that's it. I had no idea life could be this uncomplicated.

King Nate: *wink wink* By the way - what about 'bring home the bacon' as a possible slogan for the shirts LOL

Pink Lemonade Diva, I had to think about that. No one ever compares me to a celebrity. A drunk guy once said I looked like country singer leann rimes. That was about six or seven years ago. Then, a couple years after that, some random guy in the bar told me my eyes reminded him of D. Barrymore. And that's just about it. I'm curious as to who you thought of! And your blog - you are very attentive in your writing. I plan to stop back and check you out.

Ok. In the words of the people running my meeting the last two days, "that'll take care of the housekeeping annoucements, now let's move on."

Yes, on to bed.

Good night! I hope you have a fab weekend and I can't wait to go back to write a post and peruse you guys!

Georgia on my mind

2005-02-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

Thanks, all, for the well wishes on my hairs :) I am very excited to say that it only took me less than 5 minutes to style my hair, and I like it better than I did last night! Woo!

So this is just a quick note to say I may not be able to post, I'm heading off to Atlanta in a little bit until late Friday night! But I can't wait to catch up on all the good reads when I get back!

And I'm meeting up with Christie Mae tonight (she's sacrificing a new episode of Lost... she's very cool LOL), so we should have a fun story to tell!

I hope you all have a great rest of the week and remember, it's Hump Day!

Live like it's almost Friday.

2005-02-08T23:35:00.000-05:00

That's me, with my new short hairs!!! There's two more pics below, I took those against the white wall since my hair suddenly seems brown, and blends in with the wood on the door hehe. I don't think I've had my hair this short since I was, say, 6?

Deep Thoughts...random thoughts

2005-02-07T10:03:00.000-05:00

Things are quiet in the office without my cube mate. She’s going to DC today to cover a meeting on my beat that I can’t make because I have a meeting in Atlanta that starts on Wednesday.

How exciting is this: if my med ed doesn’t come to the meeting, I’ll get to meet Christie Mae over at http://christiemae.blogspot.com ! How fun would that be to meet another blogger, and one who seems so cool, to boot!

So the E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES lost the game. But you know what? They are the second best team in the NFL. And, they played a good game (well, all except for the tale end of the fourth quarter) and it was just plain FUN getting to Sunday. All the anticipation, the conviviality around our area! I am proud of the team; they really played a good game against the best team out there. I’m very happy to report, too, that it seems most people in our area are taking that high road and not trashing Philly.

I even saw two people today with team shirts on! That’s the spirit! Show the world that Philly phans rock! And we still love our guys!

I got no homework done this weekend. Thank god I don’t have class tomorrow night, which I completely forgot was the case until I just looked at my calendar and saw no “6:30 class” but rather, “6:15 hair.” Then I remembered that my professor had cancelled class. Funny thing was, I forgot about the hair appointment being Tuesday night. I thought it was tonight! My mind is a mess. I was so excited about getting my hair cut tonight, too!

I picked up a couple hair magazines yesterday and am looking for a cute short do. I decided that I want to go shorter than I did when I first got my hair chopped off and donated it. Which was only up to just above my shoulders. Oct. 29, the date was! It’s grown out a lot since then. I finally figured out, yesterday, a style that looks cute with it but it’s still getting chopped.

Now that there’s not as much hair to loose, I’m ready to go all the way. I figured the time to do it is now, giving me time to grow back a decent amount before Cat’s wedding.

I’ve been waking the last few nights, gripped with worry. About money. About my apartment burning down. My car breaking down. Cat’s wedding. It really sucks. I woke up at 12:50 a.m. early this morning, and thought it was like 5 a.m. I was devastated, lying there, my mind worrying, while I thought, Jesus. How am I supposed to sleep until 6:45 a.m. when I am nauseous with worry?

I’ve got other, more life-changing things I’m worrying about, something I want to blog about but it’s not the time right now. But it could happen any day now.What else is going on…oh, I have to post about dress shopping soon. I may wait until we go the second time, to check out the “slut dress.” Haha.

Throw it back to me Thursday - part deux

2005-02-03T10:19:00.000-05:00

Remember the rules? No? Of course not – it’s only just begun. So here’s a refresher: After reading the lyrics, I hope that you guys, my faithful (and newbie, lurking and purusing) readers will tell me the following:
1. Do you like this song?
2. Does it have meaning for you? What comes to mind first when you read the lyrics?
3. If you don’t have a short story attached to the song, get creative and give me one anyway. C’mon…I know there are some of you out there who can spin witty snarky tales!

I give you…

Something That We Do
(Performed by Clint Black, also, Skip Ewing is credited with something?)

I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
I still believe the words we said
Forever will ring true
Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn't something that we find
It's something that we do
It's holding tight, lettin' go
It's flying high and laying low
Let your strongest feelings show
And your weakness, too
It's a little and a lot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn't something that we have
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
It gives me heart remembering how
We started with a simple vow
There's so much to look back on now
Still it feels brand-new
We're on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love's not just something that we're in
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong
Love is why I love this song
And I hope you love it too
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn't just those words we said
It's something that we do
There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's something that we do

Wow. Talk about random! I keep hoping when I put it on “shuffle” that the iPod will come up with one of my more fun songs, like the “Humpty Dance” or “Stripper Song.” I mean, I can totally wax philosophical on the “stripper song.”

But that’s the point– it’s unpredictable!

Which, in a way, is how love is. You fall in love, unpredictably and in my past experiences, suddenly. You could be single one moment, and find yourself wrapped in the arms of a man/woman who you just cannot live without. And you can’t imagine life before loving them.

I love this song, and I love Clint Black. I think it’s such a sweet song, it doesn’t really have meaning to me personally, but I think that I’d like it to be a kind of anthem for the love I do, when I do finally have the opportunity to give and receive the kind of forever love that single girls can only crush about.

I think it’s very true that you just don’t fall in love and stay there. You have to work at it, you have to show it and do it. In the beginning, love is like a gift that you open and have fun with. Then, as time wears on, you have to develop your love and craft it into something you can share and tend to it to help it grow and blossom.

If I didn’t already have my wedding song picked out (well I kind of have a list that includes but is not limited to: Grow Old With Me, Mary Chapin Carpenter… Someone Like You, Van Morrison…), and the song I’m singing to my husband at our wedding reception picked out (Need I Say More, George Strait), I’d totally consider this as a possible wedding song.

Or maybe I should consider it, considering I’m not considering marrying in the near future.

:)

2005-02-02T18:07:00.000-05:00

Happy endings

2005-02-01T10:26:00.000-05:00

I took my car to the vehicle inspection station this morning. I pulled in line behind five other cars and Lupa and me waited our turn in line. A man waved me over to the line all the way on the right.

I opened Lupa’s door and the guy said, “I need you to roll down your window.” So I rolled it down and smiled. I thought maybe if I was super sweet to him, it would help Lupa’s chances of surviving her second car inspection with flying colors.

“That warm air coming from your car feels good,” the man said. I felt bad for him. He must have been cold. The garage the cars go through is like the refrigerator, the air outside like the freezer.

I handed him my license, registration and insurance card. He handed them all back to me after verifying they were up-to-date.

“Ok,” he said, pointing with a very dry looking finger toward inside the fridge. “See that orange fencing over there? Follow that to the little waiting area.”

As I got out of the car, I said thank you and smiled at him.

“There’s heat in that little building, too,” he added, maybe to make me feel just a tad guilty.

So I corralled with the other folks, early risers who were wearing sweats and some were wearing work overalls. Of course there was THAT guy, the one who won’t shut the hell up even though no one is responding to his comments.

“I don’t know why they care about the shocks, I don’t know why they bother with that test,” he said, laughing superiorly. There was a pause and no one said anything. So THAT guy did. “That test is just a waste of time.” More of that annoying THAT guy laughter. I felt my insides move, like the needle skipping on a record. I was annoyed.

Finally someone responded to him and THAT guy just chewed his ear off until he left the corral, making the record in my body skip dozens of times until I felt I was going to burst.

“Well, that’s me, I’m done. See you folks later,” he said to the rest of us cows in the corral. Just in time. No one said a word to him. I wasn’t the only one annoyed.

My baby, silver little Lupa, pulled up. I went outside to the gate, where THAT guy and someone else were waiting to be led out to their newly inspected cars. Surprise, THAT guy’s car, a big van, didn’t pass inspection.

But he happily climbed up and drove off with a yellow-toothed smile, and a “take care now!” And that laugh, again!

I got in Lupa and we drove to the exit of the station, where I had also taken my driver’s test 11 years ago, and I patted her dashboard and told her she done good. “You’re such a good car, baby! You passed! Yay!”

I was happy, alone, in my car.

But THAT guy… It was the second moment of the morning that I realized this morning I just was not a morning person. With other people.

At my apartment, I was scraping the frost off the windows of my car and my downstairs neighbor decided to chat me up. About the weather.

I just wanted to shout – it’s winter! It frosts! It snows! AAAAAAAHHH. One day it’s 40, the next day it’s 40 below! Instead I smiled and responded, because after all she is my downstairs neighbor and she’s sweet. I held my anger in check.

So, see folks, this is where, after having two “mornings suck and people get on my nerves” moments, that having a crush is beneficial to your mental health.

Oh, here we go again. But hey, the thought of him put me in a good mood. And here I am!

Busy day at work!

2005-01-31T11:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I’ve lost weight but not the amount I thought, and it doesn’t get me over the hump I’ve had trouble getting myself past.

Perhaps my body is telling me it likes where it’s at right now, but tough. I don’t think it would be good to loose so much weight that I am unhappy and really struggling to keep it off. Then I’ll slide completely backwards. I wonder when I will reach that threshold, and if I will be able to make it down to 140. I am really setting my sites on 145. That means I’ve got 22 lbs. to go.

I’ve also decided on baby steps from here on out. My next is 160. Then after that, 155, etc.

Regardless, I am not messing around this week. I’m going back to my gym routine and I’m going to keep my eye on how many cookies I’m consuming. But yeah, I still have to consume them. I’ve got four half-eaten boxes in my cabinet!

My stew yesterday turned out to be more like a soup. But it was still tasty! I have to stretch my domestic goddess wings more often.

Slow cookin' Sunday

2005-01-30T17:05:00.000-05:00

It's a relaxing Sunday.

I've got a wonderful-smelling stew brewing in the slow cooker. Lazy food matches lazy mood. I slept this morning until 9:50 a.m. because I was up late last night. I only went out to grab something at the store and pick up my immaculate conception prevention and I've written a memoir exercise about a scent that jogs memory. I've talked to my mom and dad, and I've read a little more of "Stiff." I've downloaded some more of my CDs and the GTA vice city soundtrack cds that Walt lent me last night into my iPod.

Now I feel sleepy.

I don't want this day to end!

It follows a great night with friends. Last night was one of those nights that you expect to be fun, but it is fun beyond your expectations. Dee and Walt and Lin came over and we played cranium and hoopla, we ordered pizzas, drank wine and other drinks (I was tipsy on vodka and lite cranberry juice!) and Lin made chocolate fondue and we ate all types of yummy things dipped into it from strawberries and bananas to pound cake.

Oh yes, I have already tried my hand again at making fondue, I had a little bit just now with a few strawberries! And what I didn't scrape up with the berries I used a tiny spatula to put in my mouth. Yum!

(I've decided not to think about the scale. I stepped on it yesterday and it registered my weight loss at 29 lbs. total, the best yet. I don't give myself enough credit. But we'll see what happens on official weigh-in day, manana)

So there's not much to talk about on this Sunday afternoon :) I do want to draw your attention to Janet over at the Art of Getting By. She's hosting a feature that allows us to stalk each other for the month of February. Curious? Go check it out! http://planetjanet18.blogspot.com (it's the "who loves ya baby" post) I am trying to decide who I would love to stalk, I have a couple in mind who I bloggedly admire so much...and of course, I hope I get stalked, too. Sounds sick, but go see the post and it'll make sense!

Janet and I were also emailing about hosting a blogger get together for those of us in hopefully the tri-state area - I guess that would encompass southern NJ, PA, Delaware and whereever you would come from outside of that, New York even. Anyone of you would be welcome, though, of course! There's one later in spring in Northern Jersey but Janet said, and I agree, that it would be nice to meet some of the bloggers in our own circles!

If anyone in this area thinks they would be interested, please let me know, because we want to plan something in advance so that we can give advance notice. Janet mentioned hosting the party, maybe getting a hall or something, and I suggested meeting up somewhere randomly (a bar or restaurant) So it's all very tentative right now. Your input would be helpful.

With that, I'm off to go peek into the crockpot. It's my first attempt at a stew! I'm very excited and I can't look at it enough, even though it really hasn't changed much since I put it on at 1:40 p.m. hehehe. The meat isn't pink anymore, and the smell wafting from the kitchen is much more tempting than it was when it first started cooking almost three hours ago!

Have a happy Sunday night, all!

Dear GSC...

2005-01-28T11:50:00.000-05:00

Dear GS cookies (I would prefer not to come up on GS searches, as I don't want to offend small children and their parents LOL)

First I’d like to thank you for your many years of service to the community at large. Giving little girls the opportunity to annoy grocery shoppers as they enter and exit grocery stores, making coworkers feel guilty if they don’t buy cookies from the department mom who brings a caseload into the office and last but not least, for making people fat, the country over.

Really, you outdo yourself every year and for that you should be lauded.

However, I must point out a few problems and inconsistencies, starting first with the size and cost of you, cookie.

Over the years we have seen your sizes go down and your costs go up. This baffles me, as usually when something gets smaller, the prices go down. You know, like when they came out with the iPod mini, the price minimized. Who knew the GSes, who’s motto is to “make new friends, but keep the old,” would screw both new and old friends in their pocketbooks. Although that song does talk about silver and gold…so many you’re just a scam.

Also, a side note: political correctness doesn’t really belong on a cookie. I still call them Samoas. They will ALWAYS BE SAMOAS.

Alas, this all brings me to my piece de resistance. To me the timing of your release is ironic. It’s the beginning of the New Year. Do you recall, January 1, when the big bru-ha-ha is about people making resolutions that include quitting smoking and of course, losing weight?

But of course. I can hear your evil satanic laughter cued, right here.

*Pause, reaching for Thin Mint, eating Thin Mint*

Now I’m not saying (*wiping corners of mouth, knocking Thin Mint crumbs off desk*) that you are the sole source of weakness for those who have a bumpy road on the bandwagon the first few weeks of the year and end up on the ground somewhere between February and March, clutching a box of Peanut Butter Patties (which, have ALSO changed by name).

But you should accept your fault in this travesty. I myself, steadfast observer of the scale since last July and avid jogger/runner, have gained two pounds worth of the following: Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Patties, Animal Treasures, SAMOAS and reduced-fat Lemon Pastry Cremes. Two pounds, GSC, two pounds.

If I had not been working so hard the last few months, and I had only just begun my exercise regimen and weight loss efforts, I would be easily ‘suaded to turn tail and exercise my arms in the in-and-out motion of reaching into the cookie box, vs. the elliptical.

But I know that this too, shall pass. I must remain strong. Eat the cookies, get it out of my system.

When those boxes are gone, I’m done with you, cookie. Until you tempt me next year, your Thin Mints the size of a quarter and the price risen to $4 a box vs. the half dollar size and the $3.50 a box cost.

I would urge you to take into consideration the matters I’ve presented. And please bear in mind, I’ve nothing against the GSes. I was once a Brownie. I sold cookies. So consider this a message from a friend. Old, although whether I am gold or silver, it’s up to you.

Sincerely,
*nibbling on second Thin Mint*
Judy

Throw it back at me Thursday!

2005-01-27T11:25:00.000-05:00

I’ve decided to start a new tradition here at My Life as a Knockoff Bag. Reading other blogs I wonder if I am doing enough to get you guys to interact here, aside from commenting on my crushes and white weddings :)

Each Thursday (that I’m not traveling!) I’m going to turn on the iPod and let ‘er spin on shuffle. Whatever song comes on, I’m going to put the lyrics up on my blog. I may have a story attached to the song – I love music, and I can associate songs to almost anything! – but sometimes, I will just want to hear your story!

After reading the lyrics, I hope that you guys, my faithful (and newbie, lurking and purusing) readers will tell me the following:
1. Do you like this song?
2. Does it have meaning for you? What comes to mind first when you read the lyrics?
3. If you don’t have a short story attached to the song, get creative and give me one anyway. C’mon…I know there are some of you out there who can spin witty snarky tales!

I’ll try to post the lyrics early in the morning so that by the end of the day I can pull the best little story and give it its own post, with props to the author! Feel free to answer all or just one or two of the questions if you wish to!

What do you guys think? I am trying to think of a clever little title for this, but most things I can think of would go better with Tuesday. (Tune-in Tuesdays, Turn it up Tuesday, etc.) (actually, after I cut and pasted this into a post, the name came to me. See the post title!)

So today, I start!

Return to Pooh Corner, written and performed by Kenny Loggins (w/Amy Grant)

Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
As our days disappeared all too soon
But I've wandered much further today than I should
And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood

So help me if you can
I've got to get back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
You'd be surprised
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh

Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do
Got a honey jar stuck on his nose
He came to me asking help and advice
And from here no one knows where he goes
So I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's there
How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear

It's hard to explain how a few precious things
Seem to follow throughout all our lives
After all's said and done I was watching my son
Sleeping there with my bear by his side
So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going
I swear that the old bear whispered
"Boy welcome home"

Believe me if you can
I've finally come back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
What do you know
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin
Back to the ways of Christopher Robin
Back to the days of Pooh

I love this song! What comes to mind first is my friend Lauren, who loves Pooh. I think of Teddy, the bear I’ve had since my parents brought me home from the hospital. He’s not Pooh, but he’s special, like Pooh!

When I hear the song I think of a new father leaning over his newborn son’s crib, love and awe in his heart and eyes. His journey with Pooh becoming his son’s, in the birth of his child becoming a man.

Happy almost-Friday all!

Book lovin'!

2005-01-26T16:51:00.000-05:00

Monday morning I ventured to D.C. for a two-day meeting. I got to the train station and bought the 9:35 a.m. regional ticket. 9:35 a.m. came but the train didn’t.

So as I waited around, I ventured into the bookstore – this after downing a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from MickyDee’s. Despite my weight gain this week I refuse to feel guilty over eating this. Especially since I didn’t eat or drink ANYTHING until 7 p.m. that night.

While strolling around the store with my bags, I picked up RW, because my Feb. issue hasn’t arrived yet (me thinks its probably not going to, either). Then I put it back down. What if it does? I went over to the women’s special interest stuff but there was one girl hogging all the bridal mags – um, that’s ok. I’m not quite there yet anyway! – and another girl who terroritorially moved her stuff to completely block the “cosmo/glamour/marie claire” section.

Fine, I thought. Who wants to waste their brain cells on such rubbish anyhow?

Instead I went over to the books. I immediately picked up “Running with Scissors,” a memoir (I’m blanking on the guy’s name) and another gem I’ve been dying to read since reading about it in someone else’s blog, “Stiff: The curious lives of human cadavers” by Mary Roach.

I went to the counter with my new books – I was so excited! There’s nothing like the feel of a new book, the smell of the pages when you first crack it open and haven’t indulged in it yet! The only money I’ve put into books lately was for books for my class. Which, by the way, aren’t bad ones, but I didn’t mentally make the choice to read them so I’m not AS excited about them.

So I decided to start Stiff. Let me tell you! I have NOT been able to put that book down! It is awesome! I highly recommend this book, if you have a love of the odd and morbid.

I’ve learned about how experts use human remains to detail what happened during a plane crash where the plane pretty much disappears to the bottom of the ocean; how the military used cadavers to better bullets; how plastic surgeons practice on decapitated cadaver heads, and the process of body decomposition.

The only mistake I made was trying to read it through my salad at dinner Monday night. Somehow, maggots described as long grains of rice as I forked a pile of jasmine rice into my mouth didn’t work out.

But the author is witty, sarcastic and on top of the game.

Tuesday went by pretty unexcitingly. My train home was delayed. I tried to eat well but ruined it when I came home last night, ravishing my cupboards for more GSCookies.

Coming up: GSCookies: evil little chocolate covered bitches!

Nice day for a...white wedding

2005-01-25T22:40:00.000-05:00

HelllOOOOOOOO my fellow blog friends! *waving* hi! Hold on a sec! Just let me put down my bags! *putting down overnight duffle, 500 ton lap top bag, bag of school crap that I didn't get to use because my train came back too late, and my purse and my two days worth of mail, including box of memoir book goodies that I can't wait to open, for class!*

Phew!

Two days, no internet access. Me no likey.

But I'm back. With a brand new edition.

I wanna say thanks to my people who stopped by the photo commenting box - I read all your comments just now and smiled!!!! And a special thanks to Michele, at http://www.micheleagnew.com , a visitor to my blog care of Janet over at AOGB! Thanks for coming by, come back again, Michele!

For those of you who might not have seen her blog before (confession: I've lurked on her site!) she does this thing where she picks a site of the day and all her blogger buddies go to your site and leave comments on your posts, etc. and say, "michele sent me!" Hahaha.

Anyway. I've a story about a wedding in a blizzard to tell you all, then a separate post on where I've been the last couple days. I promise to catch up on my blog reading soon, comments to come in the next day!!! warning to you all, this is a long story!

Saturday I woke up to snow, a winter wonderland just a month too late outside my window. It would have been cozy if I could have snuggled under the covers, waking only when I wanted to and opening all my blinds so I could view the storm as a show. Instead there was a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach - I had to go to a wedding right as the snow started to fall its heaviest.

I got dressed and did my makeup, feeling pretty good (you saw the pic!) and then I practiced "Amazing Grace" into my round hairbrush before I left, feeling excited, not so much nervous, about getting up in front of 200 people to sing.

I went outside and cleaned off my car, chatted with one of my neighbors, who was shoveling our shared walk, and her side of the building. Already, there had to be four inches on the ground. I drove first to my aunt and uncle's house, where Ronda was getting ready with her bridesmaids and pictures were being taken.

I opened the door and saw a flash of white. I felt my heart ache when I saw her. My baby cousin, who used to run around in pigtails and act like a total brat, was the most gorgeous woman in the world that afternoon.

Her dress was impossibly beautiful. There were crystals of some sort in a sort of bridal slit on the left side of the dress, showing now leg just more material underneath and those crystals showered out to the bottom of the dress. It was strapless, and she sported it well. The girl had a glow, from tanning, and she just looked like a perfect doll.

"Hey LJ," I said to my other cousin, Ronda's sister and maid of honor, "is Ronda wearing a veil?"

"Oh my god! Ronda! You forgot your veil!" There was a bit of pandemonium as bridesmaids, mother of the bride and bride rushed to get the $97 comb encrusted with crystals and the veil on her head. Almost all the pictures had already been taken, too.

This after finding out that all the calla lilies for her wedding had died, so roses were used, instead.

Within 20 minutes, it was back outside to the car, to drive to the church. I told Ronda a bold faced lie before going.

"The roads are ok, don't worry!"

My cousin's stepdaughter got into my car as I cleaned it off, as it had accumulated about an inch in the half hour I'd been inside. We trekked slowly to the church. I was nervous with Amanda in the car, I didn't want anything to happen.

We arrived at the church. I saw my Aunt Sherry and beyond her was a spattering of people, bundled in their coats, in the aisle and in the pews. Why was everyone standing around in coats?

"The heater blew," Aunt Sherry told me, she must've caught the confused look on my face. Still cold from outside, the chill of the church hadn't hit me yet.

I walked toward the altar and found my dad and stepmom. As I talked to them, I saw my breath escaping my mouth. That was when it hit me. It was THAT cold.

Slowly, people filed into the church. Some dared to take their gloves off, but only the bridal party wore clothes as if we were wealthy with warmth.

As the groom's parents arrived back at the church - they had to go pick up the programs that had been forgotten or messed up or something - they broke down and cried. There were not 200 people in the church, but almost both sides of the church pews were filled up and people were good natured and laughing off the broken heater.

Dave's family was so touched that people risked life and limb to come see the union of their son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law that they were overcome with emotion.

The whole tone of the wedding was informal. My uncle, the minister, kept us posted on the bride's arrival. He joked with us.

Finally, it was time for the ceremony to begin. Singing was far from my mind. The bridesmaids filtered through the door and then the door shut. It opened again to the swell of the organ and "Here Comes the Bride."

And there was Ronda, walking down the aisle.

When her dress snagged on something, probably a nail, right at the archway.

I saw her jerk and my uncle run to un-hook her from what had caught her.

Everyone gasped and kind of laughed, and Ronda kept going down the aisle, smiling.

From there, it was the magic.

"When we think of marriage, there are words that come to mind," my uncle said at the start of the ceremony. "love, trust, *blahblahblahblahblah* snow."

Cue laughter from attendees.

Then after the two exchanged vows, I realized I had to sing. A solo, no music.

My uncle cued me to come up to the mic, and I shook from nerves and cold. I had taken my gloves off. The microphone was cold and hard in my hand but somehow, I found it inside me to start the song without the prompt of a the piano or organ.

"Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
but now I am found
was blind, but now I see
'twas grace
that taught my heart to fear
and grace my fears relieved
how precious did
that grace appear
the hour I first believed
Amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
but now I am found
was blind but now I see."

I was floored by how unshaken my voice came out. As I stood there, I actually looked into the crowd, almost fearless. When I sang last January, at my other cousin's wedding, I wasn't that fearless. I was 204 lbs. and very selfconscious. Now, I was 167.5 lbs and feeling good (we won't discuss that I gained 1.5 lbs this week...I have my excuses but I'm doing what I have to to get back on track), although I had to be bundled up in a coat!

And I almost smiled at how light and sweet my voice was, like it wasn't part of me. It always pleases me that I can sing, although there are times I don't sing well because I am not trained (and granted, had I musical accompaniment I would have not transposed well enough to sound good, so solo I sounded like I was giving the song my own style). And I'm sure God was not liking my pride, in his house. But I'm sorry God. You know where I was a year ago. And I know you allowed me that one moment - why else did you allow me to arrive everywhere else by car that day without getting stuck or hitting trees or people???!!!

Anyway. It's always this major shock, kind of like the way that novice nun on "Sister Act" reacts when she hears herself belting out. Like, that was me?!

As I walked off, my cousin Beez whispered "I didn't know you sing! You got a set of pipes on you!"

And so the ceremony ended, everyone seemed to forget the cold and filed out, hugging new and existing family, friends. Walking from the freezing cold church to the freezing cold blizzard.

My car was covered, again, by at least two inches of snow, I swear!

The local 6 news station, came to the church as most of us were heading to the reception and made a weather story out of my cousin's wedding, although they'd originally planned to go to the reception and film us all doing the Eagles chant.

After digging myself out (my right hand is STILL sore from the way I held the scraper/brush and I have two matching bruises on the outside of each of my legs from god knows what - I think the boots and how I kept kicking the snow away from the car) I drove to the reception.

The roads were so bad. I had a migraine by the time I actually got to the reception.

But I ignored my pounding head and downed vodka and cranberries all night, doing a shot of soco and lime with the bride and groom.

Dancing like a fool.

Watching Ronda spin around the dance floor, out of the childhood I'd always pictured her in, into womanhood that even I can't know yet, even though I'm older than her.

The best man gave a great speech. Everyone made fun of the weather.

"They say if it rains on your wedding day it's good luck...well..."

Yeah, what does it mean when 12-13 inches of snow fall on your wedding day???

Only four tables were empty, meaning about 160 people were still there for the couple. Ronda's husband's parents were crying all night, everyone was feeling close and bonded because we'd braved something to be together.

Although there was post partying in the bridal suite after the wedding, and Ronda was refusing to take her dress off, hiccuping with a can of beer in her left hand, I had to leave just when all the people really poured in. I had to baby my migraine, which was growing worse with all the dancing, loud music and alcohol rattling around my head.

And so went the wedding in the blizzard!

If you've come this far, thanks so much for reading ;)

Of (wo)men and mice

2005-01-21T09:29:00.000-05:00

I was reading a blurb about keeping kids safe from hypothermia and frostbite. And I smiled.

Not at the thought of a kid having frostbite.

I pictured myself to be the mom who stands by the big bay window in the living room and watches as her kids build snowmen with all their little friends on her front lawn. The kids never quite going beyond the white picket fence, but the yard is so big they don’t need to worry about that.

What a nice little family moment. Then my husband would come up and put his arm around me as I’m watching out the window, holding a cup of coffee, and we start reminiscing about our days growing up and how to really make a great snowball. We’d laugh softly.

Then the kids will come in from the cold, all red-faced and excited, telling us about their play while I set water to bowl on the stove and get out hot chocolate and mini marshmallows.

Anyway.

So, I’m a high capacity mouse. But I think I got that way by hard work, and I’ll NEVER be a pro athlete.

(you’re probably like, what?!)

I read a press release this morning about a study from the U. of Mich. that said mice with a higher capacity for exercise (42 minutes) tend to have lower risks of cardiovascular disease than do mice with lower capacity for exercise (14 minutes). The researchers translate this to humans, claiming that research in humans points in the same direction.

Basically, they bred mice like this: high capacity performers with others of the same, and low capacity with others of the same. They’d toss the mice on treadmills five times each to see how long they lasted before exhaustion.

The mice from lower capacity lineage maintained a lower capacity, and vice-versa.

They say that humans who are such low capacity exercisers work harder to achieve a higher level of aerobic endurance and although they would never reach the level of professional athlete, they could improve their endurance and exercise capacity.

I read this, this morning, as I thought agonizingly of my shins. They are killing me this morning, especially my right one.

My goal last night was to run for 5 miles, but I am happy with what I did – I ran for 43 minutes straight, making it to 4 miles. I haven’t done 4 miles yet of straight running, which means my body is telling me that it needs to slowly reach what my mind wants to accomplish. Next week or the week after, I’ll try for 5, and so on and so on. Before I know it, I bet a 5K will feel like nothing. And I’ll be running that 10 miler in no time.

But it wasn’t easy. From 3.50 miles on, I was watching that little indicator on the treadmill, waiting for it to turn into a 4.00 miles. I actually turned the speed up so I would get there faster. It’s like, for crying out loud, I’d gone so far already, what difference would a half mile make except for me to feel like hey, I accomplished something!?

I had walked to warm up for about five minutes before and then I walked for 5 minutes after to cool down, suddenly suffering from a major exertion headache as soon as I slowed my pace. Thankfully, those don’t last long and mine went away by the time I got on the bike and did 10 minutes.

The only thing that worries me is that when I run for longer distances, in one big chunk (instead of walking intervals) I feel like I am going to puke. I drank a 24 oz. sports bottle of water during my workout, so I kept myself hydrated. I’d eaten a pasta dinner. I HAD been suffering from gas most of the day and don’t know if that had anything to do with it. I’m not trying to be gross. (I’m just trying to get it down to figure it out!)

But I just got so sick to my stomach. I went to bed and hoped that I wasn’t going to throw up. I woke up this morning and felt a little like a Mac truck had hit me.

Then there’s the lightheadedness after I run. It’s like running really f-s with my body.

Anyway. I was wondering, what would you most like to see ripped on the VH1’s “I love the…” series when it comes to the ‘00s?

I’d like to see them rip reality tv. And the fact that Bush shouldn't have been elected, had the people actually had their say, five years ago.

Goal oriented: can I put one of these men on my "to-do" list?

2005-01-20T13:57:00.000-05:00

I could not do a better job than Janet over at “The Art of Getting By” on recounting the funny moments of “I Love the 90s Part Deux.” So I won’t. But I love, love LOVE me some Michael Ian Black, Hal Sparks, and the rest of the VH1 C-list celebrity crew.

I didn’t get to see “AI” last night, but I heard about the psycho chick at the end. So I decided to pull a little prank tonight.

My cousin’s getting married on Saturday, and I’m singing “Amazing Grace” during the ceremony, when they light the unity candle and then give their moms roses. Tonight the pain-in-the-ass pianist (I don’t think I blogged about my experience with this wack job) is meeting me, and the bride and groom, and my aunt and uncle, and possibly my two other cousins, to hear me practice with her.

I am SO getting up and starting to sing in the worst possible voice EVER, kind of a la William Hung, and see how long I can make it through before laughing at the expression on Ronda’s face.

Then I’m going to the gym and I’m running 5 miles. Do or die.

Not much else is going on since my declaration of getting myself a book. If it isn’t the one I’ve in mind right now, it’s the one I’m starting for my thesis project. I’m hoping to have a completed book in hand by the end of 2007 if not sooner. It seems a long way off, but remember, I work full time, and I go to grad school. I figure that way, I’m setting a goal for myself, and I’m not just blindly declaring hey, I’m gonna write a novel!

I told Cat last night that the reason running works for me so well is that there’s always a goal, there’s always something to prepare for. May 1, the Broad Street 10 mile run. In March, a 5K. My own aspirations of running a marathon, which I can do in spring or fall, or in winter if I’m really nuts.

I am just goal-oriented, but they have to be structured goals, because I’ve learned about myself that I work best when I have deadlines I have to meet. Even if I wait until right before those deadlines to finish, I finish.

So anyway. I got both my front and rear brakes fixed yesterday and I’m lucky to not have needed new rotors. Went to dinner with Cat, spent $50 on three shirts at NY and Co. One is adorable – it’s black sweater, with white trim and peek-a-book holes along the outside of the arms. It’s a great bar/hanging out shirt.

One thing I wasn’t prepared for was snow! I woke up early yesterday morning and there was just a gray, dull sky. I actually thought to myself, “it kind of looks like snow.”

But I was floored when I went to leave my apartment around 2:30 and there was about an inch, inch and a half of white stuff on the ground and flakes were flitting around the air.

So shocked in fact, that I actually took a step back and almost feel backwards inside my apartment.

Of course, Tara (TLJ’s Thoughts of the Day) touched on how people become idiots in the snow, so I won’t go there. But I concur. I really concur!

Good thing for me though, there was no one at the mall! We practically had the whole place to ourselves, and convinced the clerk to give Cat the $30 off from a coupon that I’d brought with me, for me.

I realized last night just how damn short I really am. I mean, I’m not petite. But I’m short. I have a hard time buying skirts.

So I guess I’ll sign off here. :) I've got a box of Girl Scout cookies (they used to be called Samoas but now they're "carmel delites" whatever - they're delish) and I must concentrate on ignoring them as I work!

On the iPod right now: Sunday Morning, Maroon 5

Cookies eaten: 4

stories to finish by 5: 1

Randomness: The 10 actors/famous peeps I'd like to get to know better - um, yeah, BETTER...
10. Ryan Stiles (the tall, lanky comedian from "Who's line is it anyway?" Lewis from Drew Carey how? Yes. Him.)
9. Greg Kinear
8. Mark Feuerstein (the cutie from "Good Morning, Miami")
7. Joshua Jackson
6. Jude Law
5. Chris O'Donnell
4. Hugh Jackman
3. Matthew McConaghuy (or however you spell it!)
2. Colin Firth (oh, love me some strapping, broad shouldered English man)
and number one... the top man I'd like to uh, get to know better... he makes me hot!
1. Bono. He is so damn sexy and OOOZES sex

Judge me if you must.

Someday is today

2005-01-18T21:30:00.000-05:00

I realized something tonight.

I have a lot of ideas in me. Book ideas. Story ideas. Fiction. Nonfiction. Memoir. Personal Essay.

But do I have the actual book inside of me? The real story?

The fact that someone believes in me and thinks I do - that scares the shit out of me. I realized tonight that I can't sit back and be content, thinking someday I'll be great, or write something bigger than a 2,000 word news feature.

Someday, I say, I'll write a novel. Someday, I'll get something other than a piece of journalism published. Someday. Someday. Someday.

But that someday, I realized, is now. I've spent so much time talking about someday that I neglected to see the days fly by.

It dawned on me, tonight, as my car approached a red light.

I can no longer wait and make excuses, I can no longer bank on writing a novel when I'm older.

I AM older. You can write a novel at any age, it's foolish to put off til tomorrow what you can put your mind to today.

In four months, I'm going to be 28-years-old. I'm not embarking on my golden years and I'm not discovering myself in college. I'm a young woman. The doors are open. I've just been ignoring them, scared of the hard work beyond the arches.

I've always worked hard. I worked hard in high school to break into the newspaper industry. I worked hard in college to get a daily newspaper job. I worked hard to understand the writing I do now. I worked hard to lose weight. I worked hard to get A's and B's in high school, in college.

But looking back, to me, those things weren't options. A book, that's an option.

No longer. It's a task at hand. If it's a task at hand, I will put my hard work towards it, and it will get done. If I don't approach it that way, I will only get to it, someday, maybe.

Tonight I lingered after class to ask the professor about my final fiction piece last semester. She told me she could give it back to me, next week. Then somehow we started talking and I mentioned, oh, I will likely be late coming to class next week, I'll be in DC at a meeting.

"I would love to come to your work, see what you do. You love it. You always seem so happy with it. The way you talk about it...Really."

I am, but that's besides the point.

I gushed, "guess what! I won a $1,000 journalism award!"

Then somehow, we got to talking about things and I confessed.

"I've been thinking about writing a book..."

She heard my idea and her eyes grew wide. She rattled off the name of a publisher who would eat it up and told me it was worth at least a $200,000 advance.

She told me of a reporter friend of hers in Atlanta who'd written a book, using her reporting sources.

Then she asked me not to give it to anyone, and scribbled her home number on a post it and I patted it into my notebook, handing her a business card, which in retrospect was silly but I was really flustered that she was offering me her ear and advice for me, as I contemplate writing a book. I had merely asked her if I could lean on her, by email, as I ventured on this project.

This book idea - no, book - it's on something based in fact. This would not be a piece of fiction or a memoir. It would be a nonfiction book.

I left the classroom and as we chatted about our hopefulness of the class for the semester, I told her I'd never read anything she'd written.

"Don't," she said. "I'm serious, don't read a thing!"

And I realize she's right. Someday, though. Now there's an appropriate use of the word.

Walking to my car, I shivered. It wasn't the cold. It was the realization that this professor believed in my idea. This author, this published, accomplished author and mentor, who herself mentored under one of my favorite fiction writers, was giving me her home number and hooking me up with an publisher who would work with me, even on the book proposal. I could get guidance, I didn't have to go it alone.

It's too late, I thought. There's no backing out now.

Time to grow up. I wish I could capture for you just what tonight meant to me, how capable I feel.

Someday is today.

Sometimes a girl's just gotta complain

2005-01-17T14:57:00.000-05:00

WARNING: Life is good, but allow me to cross my arms, huff and look like a stubborn little girl, just for a few...

I’m feeling crabby.

I’ve got more work to do than I thought when I arrived this morning.

And it's all due today.

I’m writing about something I don’t understand.

I’m pmsing.

I gained a lb. this week.

I finally meet a nice guy I like but I’m not sure I like that he has no college degree, was a C student in high school and that he smokes a lot of pot.

AND I feel shitty for feeling that way.

To boot, I feel nauseous and my updo is giving me a headache.

I have this ginormous zit on my right cheek.

It’s one of those days where I should have gone with the instincts and stayed in bed. Even my post about Sunday was blah. Goo!

I hope all of your Mondays are better than mine, all.

I think I'm turning Japanese...I really think so

2005-01-13T09:37:00.000-05:00

I’ve reached a cross roads in my life.

It’s come down to this one moment, after work, that I have to decide.

To turn my back on what I’ve known, respected and loved, and to embrace something I should have always embraced. Or, to stand by my long-held beliefs, and tough out the bad times, continuing to turn away from my birth right in defiance.

Yes. I’ve decided to purchase a Philly Eagles jersey, and turn my back on the Dallas Cowboys.

*gasp* What did she just admit to? Being a DALLAS fan????

Yep, folks. I’ve been a Dallas fan since I was a wee bit tyke.

The dilemma is not so much switching sides. It’s that I can COMPLETELY switch sides. See, I can’t bring myself to root for the Eagles when they play the Cowboys. So what does that make me? A half-traitor? A dumb ass? A girl who wants an baby-tee Eagles jersey because she thinks she’ll look adorable in it and has the perfect Eagle green eyeliner to match? Who knows.

I have struggled for years, faced adversity, because I am a Dallas fan. The teasing. The harassing. The men who have said “if I’d known you were a Cowboys fan I probably wouldn’t date you.” And even the boss who said, in front of the newsroom, “If I’d known you were a Cowboys fan I would NEVER have hired you.”

The last couple of years I’ve really begun to think about changing my beliefs. Turning the corner. Embracing my birthright and giving up that risk of bodily harm.

Even if you aren’t from around here, c’mon…you’ve HEARD about the Philly phans.

They’re hopped up on cheesesteaks and beer. Now do you REALLY think I want to be wearing my Dallas Cowboys jersey or turtleneck or earrings in this town?

The inner conflict would probably not exist, if I didn’t have a sentimental reason for liking the ‘boys.

See, I have an uncle who was born with a birth defect. From the time I was a little girl, I admired him and all he did. His room looked like a Dallas Cowboys fan club had thrown up all over it. But I loved my uncle. And therefore, I loved the blue and silver. I’ve been bleeding these colors since I was about 8.

I know that to buy an Eagles jersey is not only to turn my back on my long-suffering ‘boys, but it’s to turn my back on my dead grandmother’s belief (she was a huge fan – I inherited the earrings from her when she died!) and my uncle’s passion.

So I make the choice tonight.

What will it be? Eagles? Dallas?

What do you think a Jersey girl should do?

Help me out.

I just....bagged...the whole thing.

2005-01-12T11:01:00.000-05:00

After writing my “I’m Movin’ On” post last night, I put on some swooshie pants, my retired running shoes, and a sweatshirt and I went on the hunt for a dress for Ronda’s wedding.

I went straight to the local mall, hoping to use some of my gift certificates for my new dress.

I used the shopping as therapy. I tried on an armful of dresses at Penny’s and found nothing at Sears. Macy’s was closed. Everything was so picked over! Nothing made me look good, so I just kept walking around the mall (thinking, hey, this is exercise!) climbing up and down the steps, perusing through V.S. semi-annual sale bins, and eventually just walking out with a bottle of raspberry wasabi mustard from the Le Gourmet Shop.

(It’s great to dip carrots in, and to put on your ham and cheese sandwiches!)

Dee had called me. She’s a sweetie. She’d read my blog and offered her friend services in the event I needed to talk. I wish I could have hugged her. I haven’t seen in her week and I miss her!

Anyway, after that moment, after almost crying (I had allowed myself a couple hours of self pitying and “oh, no one will ever like me…oh, I’m such a loser… oh, I should start buying the cats for my future role as the crazy cat lady”) I straightened up my attitude and went to a mall about 20 minutes away.

By the way, girls. I have like three malls within 20-25 minutes of me. And a big huge mall, with a Sephora, about 40 minutes away. It’s worth the drive! I love my location when it comes to shopping options!

So I get to that mall, and I have $65 in store credit to Boscov’s and I’d used part of a gift certificate for the mustard at the other mall so I had about $45 in cash from that. I tried on quite a number of dresses at Boscov’s, and the only ones that looked good on me, would have looked better the next size up.

I am woman enough to admit that, because most of the dresses I tried on fit me, at the smaller size. This brand carried tighter 12s than the others! Plus, it’s better than my old size – which was getting too tight – an 18!!!!!

But alas, there were no 14s on the rack so I finally gave up. I’ll try on the dress I wore in November, I thought, but it was loose then and it will be even more loose.

Before I left, I decided to use the store credit. I am never in Boscov’s up there, so I wandered around, thinking of ways to use it. (I had gone there once before, earlier in the month, to return two Christmas gifts and that’s how I got the credit).

I decided to get a new purse. After all, I’m passionate about my bags (I mean, you couldn’t tell or anything, could ya?)

I find Dooney and Bourke bags at one of the counters. And a 25% off sale sign by the raspberry and grape colored bags. Oooooh, I think.

But I went around, looking at the other bags. L.C. Tommy H. Fossil. Nine West. Nothing peaked my interest though.

I continued looking around, even venturing up to the housewares department and then finally, I decided to spring for it. I got a raspberry (hot pink!) colored “it” barrel bag, which was $40 off the original price, then I applied the $65 store credit, and the $45 from the gift certificate and of my own money, I only put out $10.

$10 – dude, I’m feeling so thrifty!

I was thrilled.

So I got home, and I looked in my closet. I just rolled my eyes at the November dress and then I spotted a pretty blue-green dress in my closet I’d bought for Easter one year, and I took it out. I put it on. I looked absolutely great. It fit perfectly. Forget the fact that it’s a spring dress. I don’t care. THAT is what I’m wearing! I’ll throw a black sweater over it.

So, the money I would have spent on a dress, I spent on a bag. And I was happy. You all know how much I love me some expensive bags!!! And to score a hit for $10, well, I’m absolutely floating on air.

Crush? What crush???

:)

The REGULAR

2005-01-11T10:08:00.000-05:00

It’s that time of year again

You go to the gym and it’s crowded. There are people who linger, waiting for a machine to open up. People who walk around, carrying white sheets of paper, check-off lists for them to follow so that the circuit they do provides an overall workout.

They either look shyly around, alone at the gym, or they are loudly talking with their friends as they leisurely walk around the track in matching black pants and maroon t-shirts.

And everyone’s belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly.

I smiled just a bit as I ran the track last night absorbing the sights and sounds of what happens the day after everyone says, “my New Year’s resolution is to loose weight!”

After the jogging a mile, walking a couple laps and then jogging another mile, I walked around and really took everything in. I looked at the faces. It was when my glance fell on the same two girls, always in shorts and LaSalle t-shirts, do-rags to keep their cropped hair away from their faces, and then the really cute guy I always see, fiddling with HIS iPod and using either the weight machines or doing crunchs on a mat, that I realized what I’d become.

I’m like the every-Sunday Christian who is happy but slightly annoyed that the church fills to overflowing on Christmas and Easter.

I’m the REGULAR.

I am an exerciser. Dare I say, athletic? Must one be sleek and stealth to qualify for athletic, or does one’s physical prowess and motivation and drive and regularity qualify her?

Although everything about me has downsized three sizes, my belly, if given the opportunity, will shake like a small bowl full of jelly. But man, my calf muscles could cut you if you’re not careful.

I know not to make fists when I run.

I know to spray the towel before I wipe the machine, not spray the machine. Hell, I just know I have to wipe the machine, period!

I know that if there’s a large crowd of people, I should limit my treadmill time to 30 minutes, to be fair to my fellow gym members. I know that I am not supposed to spectate the basketball games going on below when I’m above on the gym track.

Cubie said last week was worse. Could it be the ebb and flow of the tide of newcomers is slowly going back out to sea, already? I don’t know. But I do know that come February, my gym should be back to normal.

It will be full of other REGULARS.

I will be able to, so to speak, sit in my regular spot in the pews and not wonder about what’s really in the hearts of those around me.

The people who try and succeed, making it through February, will become REGULARS and like us other REGULARs, they will understand the gym etiquette.

It’s inevitable, that the matching maroon shirts and shy lone treadmill walkers will be back next year.

The new REGULARS might understand how I feel about them today.

And me? This REGULAR will just look at the other REGULARS and smile, my belly firm like a fruit cake.

More about ME...the survey that just won't quit y'all

2005-01-10T15:31:00.000-05:00

Blame this lengthy one on Carol at "You were born an original, don't die a copy." She's good people. And this is fun, not really time consuming, even though it LOOKS it :)

RULES - Bold everything you've done. Then, at the end add five more things - three that you've done, two you wish you've done. (The ones I've done are in yellow!)

01. Buy everyone in the pub a drink.

02. Swim with wild dolphins.

03. Climb a mountain.

04. Take a Ferrari for a test drive.

05. See the Pyramids at night.

06. Hold a tarantula.

07. Take a candlelit bath with someone.

08. Say 'I love you' and mean it.

09. Hug a tree.

10. Do a striptease.

11. Do a bungee or parachute jump.

12. Visit Paris.

13. Watch a lightning storm at sea.

14. Clean behind the fridge.

15. Stay up all night long, and watch the sun rise.

16. Ask the/a question you've always been too embarrassed to ask.

17. See the Northern Lights.

18. Go to a huge sports game - football, rugby, baseball, American football, etc.

19. Create your own masterpiece.

20. Grow and eat your own vegetables.

21. Touch an iceberg.

22. Have an office relationship.

23. Sleep under the stars.

24. Compromise.

25. Change a baby's nappy/diaper.

26. Take a trip in a hot air balloon.

27. Watch a meteor shower.

28. Get drunk on champagne.

29. Take a luxury holiday.

30. Give more than you can afford to charity.

31. Look up at the night sky through a telescope.

32. Have an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment.

33. Have a food fight.

34. Bet on a winning horse.

35. Take a sick day when you're not ill.

36. Get a pet.

37. Ask a stranger out.

38. Have a snowball fight.

39. Photocopy your bottom on the office photocopier.

40. Scream as loudly as you possibly can.

41. Hold a lamb.

42. Enact a favorite fantasy.

43. Take a midnight skinny dip.

44. Hear the words 'I love you'.

45. Fly on Concorde.

46. Take an ice cold bath.

47. Have a meaningful conversation with a beggar.

48. See a total eclipse.

49. Ride a roller coaster.

50. Hit a home run.

51. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days.

52. Dance like a fool and not care who's looking.

53. Adopt an accent for an entire day.

54. Visit the birthplace of your ancestors.

55. Have a grand romance with costumes and everything.

56. Made up a screen-name to stalk someone.

57. Gone shopping for no reason.

58. Actually feel happy about your life, even for just a moment.

59. Just be held.

60. Have an adventure where nothing goes as planned.

61. Kissed someone you truly wanted to kiss.

62. Went clubbing and thought to yourself "I could out-dance them if I wanted to."

63. Called your relatives by their relationship in another language.

64. Have two hard drives for your computer.

65. Cuddled.

66. Visited all 50 states.

67. Love your job.

68. Taken care of someone who was shit faced.

69. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.

70. Have amazing friends.

71. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country.

72. Swim during a formal.

73. Stolen a sign.

74. Backpacked in Europe.

75. Taken a road-trip.

76. Rock climbing.

77. Nose piercing.

78. Midnight walk on the beach.

79. Sky diving.

80. Visit Ireland.

81. Saw what you wanted and did all it took to seize it.

82. Fell in love then fell harder and faster from heartbreak.

83. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had lunch/dinner with them.

84. Visit and/or tour Japan.

85. Bench press your own weight.

86. Stolen from your parents.

87. Alphabetized your records.

88. Caught people having sex in a public place

89. Pretended to be a super hero.

90. Sang karaoke.

91. Made someone cry for no good reason.

92. Lounged around in bed all day.

93. Posed nude in front of a room full of strangers.

94. Dressed sexy for no reason

95. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye.

96. Kissed in the rain.

97. Played in the mud.

98. Played in the rain.

99. Gone to a drive-in theater.

100. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it...

101. Visited the Great Wall of China.

102. Fell in love with a job that has nothing to do with the degree you're pursuing.

103. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.

104. Dropped Windows in favor of something better.

105. Started a business.

106. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken.

107. Toured ancient sites around the Mediterranean.

108. Taken karate.

109. Sword fought for the honor of a woman.

110. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight.

111. Got married.

112. Been in a movie

113. LARPed (what the hell is this???)

114. Loved someone you shouldn't have.

115. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy.

116. Got divorced.

117. Had sex at the office.

118. Surprised yourself with a talent you didn't know you had.

119. Been to Macchu Picchu (almost - I was in a bunch of Peruvian ghettos and Lima, but not the beautiful Macchu Picchu!)

120. Gone without food for 5 days.

121. Got a tattoo.

122. Lived outside the U.S.

123. Memorized a poem.

124. Successfully performed an inverted yoga pose.

125. Lived life deliberately.

126. Kissed a crush out of the blue.

127. Learned from my mistakes.

128. Made friends with the unlikeliest of people.

129. Told someone in no uncertain terms what you thought of them.

130. Got up one morning and decided to take a trip and then took it.

131. Made a promise and then carried through.

132. Designed a website.

133. Made a souffle.

134. Sang at someone's funeral. (I sang at someone's wedding!)

135. Been honest when it was not in your favor to do so.

136. Swanned around on a yacht.

137. Done the Rio carnival.

138. Got a diving license.

139. Been to Tibet.

140. Been published.

141. Met someone famous.

142. Devised the Internet and e-mail protocols at work, and got them accepted as official company policy.

143. Had sex al fresco.

144. Done the Camino de Santiago, on foot or on horseback, all the way.

145. Won the lottery.

146. Shaved your head

147. Rode a horse bare-back

148. Witnessed a birth.

149. Gone to a convention.

150. Hiked the Grand Canyon

151. Traveled overnight by train from Spain to France.

152. Given birth

153. Worked at Disney World.

154. Visited London.

155. Driven cross country.

156. Had sex while another couple had sex in the same room

157. Had a vasectomy

158. Appeared on an album

159. Played on stage with your musical hero

160. Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans

161. Recorded in a studio

162. Lived alone

163. Lost 20+ pounds in a year.

164. Boxed

165. Ran for public office

166. Gotten straight A's for a semester in college.

167. Tried a new drink I wasn't sure I'd like.

168. Become obsessed with a TV show that's been cancelled for a while.

169. Quit my job to go back to school full time.

170. See myself through another's eyes.

171. See the Earth from outer space.

172. Sat on the throne of England, even if not to rule, just rest your butt.

173. Write a novel the gets published.

174. Gone to DragonCon and made out with someone you didn't know before the event

175. Installed new windows in a house.

176. Gotten completely lost in a foreign city/country and had fun doing it

177. Played a part where you committed suicide on stage

178. Gotten a black belt in karate or other style of marital art

179. Held a proper dinner party, complete with the little napkin holder thingies on the table

180. Bought something for someone completely anonymously and never owned up to it.

181. Build fence by hand (and tools used with hands; no let me stand there and watch it get done) in 120 degree weather

182. Worked a 14 hour shift on your day off.

183. Been chased by stampeding horses

184. Jumped into a ceiling fan (full body not your arm or something like that)

185. Get suspension rings in my back.

186. Lost the man I loved

187. Proved my parents wrong.

188. Went to Canada just so I could buy my dad a drink.

189. Had a one year anniversary.

190. Been given a diamond ring

191. Graduate from college.

192. Got into a car accident that totaled your car...

193. Regretted

194. Vacationed at a tropical island

195. Been someone's best man.

196. Driven up and down the entire West Coast

197. Been in a long distance relationship

198. Dropped everything for love

199. Visited Africa

200. Have something named after me.

201. Read "Les Miserables" (the unedited version)

202. Bought Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

203. Built your own house.

204. Saw the sites of the 7 Ancient Wonders.

205. Finished this thingy.

206. Own over 75 pairs of shoes.

207. Experienced a hurricane first hand.

208. Been a bridesmaid/maid of honor.

209. Danced the night away with the person you love

210. Confessed to your crush that you like them. (no, not the current crush!)

211. Had a meal completely alone at a crowded restaurant.

212. Jumped into a public fountain for no reason.

213. Get my belly button pierced.

214. Draw a naked person.

215. Have undergone major surgery

216. Seen snow.

217. Been to Niagara Falls.

218. Gotten kinky in a bar

219. Received a dozen red roses

220. Given a guest lecture or spoken to a class about what you do

221. Become a weekly columnist

222. Let someone comfort you when you need it most but don't want it

Weight Loss Monday!

2005-01-10T13:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, last two posts, uncomfortable. The one about the ex, well, I thought a friend was upset with me, so I deleted it. But he's not. But whatever. Moving right along...

Weight loss Monday! I lost 1.5 lbs. for a grand total of 27.5 lbs down! WOO HOO! Almost 30, I'm so excited! Considering I didn't exercise last week and I drank a lot because of the weekend festivities, I'm happy.

What I've gained as I've lost...

27. I feel sexy

All right. Back to the grind. I'm home for lunch :)

My true secrets revealed

2005-01-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

I've been in a survey mood (see a couple posts below, it was like three pages in Word)
Ten random songs that shuffle through the iPod...

Read on, but, um, will you respect me when you're done?

1. Disco Inferno – 50 Cent
2. Cowboy Take Me Away – Dixie Chicks
3. Greatest Love of All – Whitney Houston
4. Laid – (who the hell sings this???)
5. Time (Clock of the Heart) – Boy George and the Culture Club
6. Frosty the Snowman – Alvin and the Chipmunks
7. I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
8. Don’t Take the Girl – Tim McGraw
9. Is This Love – Whitesnake
10. Made it Through the Rain – Barry Manilow

This really makes me lame, doesn't it?

Come here often? Probably TOO often!

2005-01-07T09:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday!

The crush may not be emailing me back, but at least I know there’s ONE man who has been missing me…

ME: (staring at Dunkin’ Donuts menu in drive thru) Hmm.
Woman through speaker: Can I help you?
ME: Can I get a large coffee, black?
Woman through speaker: Anything else?
ME: No, that’s it.
Woman through speaker: Pull up!

I drive up to the window and there is the same guy who always takes my money and flirts with me.

Same guy that always takes my money: HEY! Where’ve you been, eh?
ME: Honestly? I’ve been going to Wawa. I had a couple gift certificates.
Same guy that always takes my money: What?! What you go there for? How can you do that?
ME: Hey, it was free!

He is putting my money into the register, getting my coffee.

Same guy that always takes my money: So which you like better?
ME: You. Definitely Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I only drank theirs because it was free. I promise. My heart is here. Can I get three Splendas and a stirrer?
Same guy that always takes my money: (smiling and laughing with (at?) me) Ok!
ME: See ya! (start driving off)
Same guy that always takes my money: Wait! Your change!

I back up the car and take my change. I press on the gas. I go backwards. I put it in drive. All the people are staring and laughing through the drive through window.

And I just laughed.

Oh, won't you be, my neighbor?

2005-01-02T12:07:00.000-05:00

Good lazy-Sunday-morning, all!

I popped right up this morning, around 8:15 a.m., thinking "shit, if I don't get up now, I'm never going to get up at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow for my first day back to work."

So I did what any reasonable person would do in my situation. I fell back against my pillows, curled the comfy Jersey sheets and comforter back over my head and slept some more until 10 a.m.

I am working on my third cup of coffee (Godiva chocolate...mmmm) and thinking about a run, outside. I'm thinking about the mall, and my gift certificates. I'm thinking about continuing to download my cd collection onto my iPod (right now Joss Stone's 'Soul Sessions' is entering the digital inards of my lovely little Mini Me).

Since I've been up, I've been blog surfing. I decided, much like some of my fellow bloggers, to check out the world beyond the one that I've fallen into. I love me ALL my fellow bloggers *smooches and hugs* but I realized this morning after reading the BOB finalists, that there are a TON of different categories out there.

I'm expanding my horizons! I'm discovering new words and worlds! I'm becoming a blog whore!

And so I found some of the newbies on the my "Daily Reads" list to the right. I hope you take a sec to check them out, if they interest you. A preview:

*I've read Zach Braff's blog a few times, and the man is funny. I am surprised that an actor on a comedy can write so well. So I put him on my blog roll.

Then there's the Wil Wheaton link. That is just pure frivolity, folks. His writing kind of reminds me of a Nora Roberts novel, but I could be wrong. I just thought it was fun. He pokes fun at himself for being a total "has been" "child actor."

Christie Mae (by Christie), it's about time I finally linked her. Her blog is funny. I think if you like me, you'll like her!

Kmart is not one I added this morning, but I added a few days ago. I read his blog and instantly fell in love. I dig the sarcastic funny blogs. And he knows Camden.

I added three running blogs this morning. Jodi's running blog, Another big loser and It's supposed to hurt. These are three women who talk about running, marathon training and the likes. I added them because I need inspiration to keep running and losing weight.

I've been stuck at the 25 lbs down mark for quite a few weeks, and as much as I can blame the holidays, I can blame complacity (hmm. is that a word??). Plus, I need decoding to jargon and tips on training. I love that I might be able to learn from other people's experiences. That is, after all, what life is about, and as I've said before, why I'm so open about my life here.

This morning I learned the following, just from my fellow running bloggers:

*Interval training means you walk and run, intervaly (duh!)
*maybe I should have started marathon training last month...
*a marathon might not be a good goal for this year
*the names of at least two marathon training programs
*perhaps I should NOT skip those water stations when they're offered on the race route
*I might want to look into tights for outside running in winter

So goes the second day of this new year.

This morning I also read the annual column in my old paper by the executive editor, who reviewed the changes to the paper in '04 (they started publishing a Saturday edition in August, etc) and he discussed what the paper will do for readers in '05.

So here it goes! In addition to the new links to other bloggers, I want to work on a links box, for websites I like (active.com, apple.com, etc.). I also hope to tailor my content a little better. I started out this blog hoping to be a bit more literary, or more columnist-like than I ended up being.

So hopefully you noticed with yesterday's entry, I'm trying to make my content more interesting (republish some of my published articles, talking about current events, not bitching so much!) I want to write more entries like that one and my recent post on South Jersey accents.

As long as I'm user-friendly, that's all that matters.

I'm off. I've drank too much coffee, my fingers are flying over the keyboard and my bladder is full. I should channel this into running!

Enjoy your Sunday all!

Just another New Year...

2005-01-01T15:06:00.000-05:00

Well, Happy New Year, everyone!

How did you usher in 2005?

I was at a bar about a half hour away, with one of my lone other single friends, Theresa. She and I drove for awhile after eating dinner at Applebee's, finally settling on one place to have a champagne toast and watch the ball drop.

Is it just me, or does that ball get more technologically advanced every year? Do you remember when it was just a big globe with hundreds of white lights on it?

I guess the ball goes through changes, just like us.

But I can wax philosophical anytime.

The recurring theme with Theresa and I last night, as we sometimes grappled for things to talk about while waiting for midnight and the ridiculous need to be out instead of in as single women on NYE, was about how overrated NYE really is.

2004: Year in Review

2004-12-31T13:00:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again. A time of reflection. A time of review. A time when it would be all we talked about, were there no tsunamis and a sad, crazy amount of dead people in South Asia and beyond.

It's the Associated Press: Top 10 stories of the year.

It's Time magazine: People of the year.

It's the local radio stations: Top 100 songs of the year.

I'm sure no matter where you go on the web, where you surf through your car radio, or flip through your newspaper, you're seeing lists, lists and more lists.

Well, I'm not always one for conformity, so I decided to put a lil twist on the lists.
A foreward first, if you'll indulge me.

2004 was a year of change, a year of transition. I was fat, unhappy, self-conscious, stressed out for the first half of the year. I was miserable in singlehood. I had thrown myself into my studies and travel only to be stressed out at the end of the semester.

The later half of the year was punctuated by weight loss, now I'm just a bit overweight...I lead a more athletic lifestyle. I had a burst of confidence, I gave my hair to charity and slowly, I turned over a new leaf. I still took two classes, but it didn't stress me as much this time around.

Linda would tell you that by now, I've turned over a "whole damned forest!" but this leaf, this one is precious.

TOP 10 CHEAP KNOCKOFFS OF 2004
1. The date I had the weekend after New Year's. The guy had the personality of a wet, gray dishrag and didn't even offer to pay for my cup of coffee!
2. Old Navy pants. I just have no luck with their dress pants. I had about three or four pairs lose their stitching at the hemline on at least one pant leg per pair.
3. He Who Must Not Be Named called me after something like two years, looking for what, might I ask? The Other Woman told him where I could be found, she admitted later.
4. The wedding where I was "The One Who Got Drunk and Stupid." *sigh*
5. Valentine's Day. It automatically stinks when you're single.
6. My birthday was spent in Nashville, Tenn., for work
7. Too much business travel, too much classwork and the stress of moving had me crying left and right, even breaking down in a fit of frustrated tears at work. Ick.
8. Oh yes, how could I forget that awful trip in September?
9. There were two or three times when I got done running, I almost passed out. Real smart, girl. Carry a water bottle in '05!
10. Singlehood. It has its advantages. It has its disadvantages.

TOP 20 REAL, EXPENSIVE BAGS OF 2004
1. Oh, 'twas the year of quality handbags. Hence the title of this blog. I was quite obsessed in the beginning with knockoffs and the real things. But these are my gems: my Dooney and Bourke "It" bag - a gift to me with part of my tax refund! My very first pricey purse! Then there was my birthday gift from Cat - the small winter white and blue signature "C" hobo bag from Coach. Finally, my brown leather and brown signature "C" large hobo bag from Coach - this was an irresponsible purchase but I love it anyway!
2. Losing to date, 35 lbs. since last fall. 25 lbs. since July. Yay for me!
3. Running five 5K races and scoring third in my age group in my very first one. PR: 32:57.
4. Getting back my confidence, self-esteem and my flirt game!
5. Singing in front of my entire family, being asked to do it again.
6. My best friend got engaged! And I'm the maid of honor :). What an honor!
7. On my own again! In May I moved into my apartment after living with a roommate for four years.
8. Growing ever-closer to my father's side of the family, making up for the years I wasn't able to.
9. Thank you to all my '04 crushes for hours of wonderful daydreams...
10. There were two Louis Vuitton knockoffs that I adore. There are two Coach knockoffs I adore. And one I don't. I also cherish my small black Prada knockoff, now missing the Prada symbol because, well, it's a knockoff. And I take it where ever my business travels take me...
11. I went to San Francisco - finally to California! - twice...it was for business but I made time for pleasure
12. I got my first decent raise in years. I LOVE the corporate life
13. I also got my very first Christmas bonus!
14. I learned how to write a personal essay, creative nonfiction, and the fictional short story
15. I donated 11 inches of my hair to Locks of Love. And I so hope it might have made a little girl smile.
16. I reconnected with old college friends Janet and most recently, Val. I'm so excited to get to know these girls again!
17. Singlehood. It has its disadvantages. But it has its advantages :)
18. Somewhere along the year, I became a seasoned business traveler, making all my belongings fit into two tiny bags for multiple day trips. Talking on a cell phone on airplanes and in airports. Working on my lap top in the train. Hmmm.
19. This was the year of breaking news.
20. I know you're not supposed to get wrapped up in material things - like bags and such. But I do adore my iPod. I *heart* you iPod! *mini gigabyte hugs*

WHAT I WISH FOR 2005
1. Continued weight loss.
2. Run a marathon, and if not, at least a half marathon. No pressure. If I do pressure myself, I won't get it done and I'll slide backwards.
3. A bikini for goin' down the shore!
4. A date for Valentine's day
5. A successful year of wedding planning with Cat!
6. To maybe earn a promotion this year - this one is totally up to fate but it's a goal.
7. Get started on my book. Figure out which idea I want to work on first.
8. Freelance - shop that column around if the one paper decides it doesn't want it. Go to the next.
9. Take those singing lessons, darn it!
10. No more tsunamis, hurricanes or crazy rampant weather patterns.
11. Sing more karaoke.
12. Meet "THE ONE" (hahahaha)

And I'll stop at unlucky, perhaps lucky,
13. More memories with family and friends that I cherish more, YES, more, than I do knockoffs, expensive bags, or my iPod. (although iPod, I do love you).

Happy New Year, everyone! Talk to you next year!

Vacation's making me lazy

2004-12-30T14:38:00.000-05:00

It's been a nice week so far, I'm sad I have to go back to work on Monday. Sometimes I think I was made to be a stay-at-home singleton.

I wish all I had to worry about was my apartment, my social life, and my personal life in general. A few days of laze, and all I want to do is continue to laze and sleep until 10 a.m.

Any sugar daddy's in waiting out there? My stepfather tells me it's possible to find both money and love, but I disagree. At this point, perhaps I should focus on a sugar daddy in '05, since I didn't find love in '04.

Just a thought.

So what have I accomplished in my time off from work? Really, nothing much:

Slept tons
Ate tons of chocolate
Played for countless hours with iPod (aka Mini me or at least until I come up with a better name)
Ran/jogged 6 miles, walked two
Poured boiling water over my right index finger
Done no dishes
Watched three movies from Blockbuster
Read one awful formula romance novel
Caught up on laundry
Laid on the sofa...A lot

There's more, but I'm too lazy right now to recap.

Final word before I go. Anyone else out there feel incredibly sorrowful for the victims of the tsunamis? Sure, they don't need my sorrow, but I get the chills when I see the devastation on tv. I can't stand the heartbreak, the death, the total destruction. My heart goes out, my thoughts turn to them and I hate feeling so helpless.

Coming up next...

2004: Was it a really good knockoff, a cheap imitation or the real thing?

2004-12-30T10:53:00.000-05:00

The iPod. It's why I haven't been blogging. I'm so addicted...I'll write later!

2004-12-28T20:07:00.000-05:00

Went to Peddler's Village (in Pa.) with my parents this afternoon. Here I am, freezing my tail off!

What ah ya talkin' about?

2004-12-27T22:22:00.000-05:00

Wult, I dun't no.

Whaduyou think?

Do or dun't I suffer from the dialect of a South Jersey girl?

Hmm.

I do, indeed, friends. I suffer from a mutt of dialect that needs to be experienced to be believed.

I have always noticed that South Jerseyans have a certain way with words. But I never really gave it much thought until I was accused of having one - a bad one.

Ah yes, the innocence of the young. Destroyed by natural aging and sudden awareness that hey! There's a WHOLE other world out there!

The year was 1997. The car was a teal Cavalier. It was a road trip, in said Cavalier, with a former best friend.

After the initial shock of Kroger food markets vs. Acme (pronounced in South Jersey as Ac-a-mee or, if you're a senior citizen, "Ac-a-mee's") and tight and winding mountain roads vs. jughandles and circles, I embraced the differences.

And the accent. It was melodic, different. A twang of a song. I didn't think, while I was imitating that twang, that since I thought their speech was so different, that they might possibly notice the difference in mine. afterall - THEY were the ones with the accent.

Ah, the ignorance of the young twenty-something sheltered in South Jersey!

Then I met the former best friend's brother's girlfriend in her college dorm one afternoon.

"Your accent is so weird," she told me. "It's so strong!" All the while, she twanged her words at me, and just laughed when I told her no, "you're tha one withan accent!" we both giggled. But she gave me something to think about.

Even before I took my first graduate class in writing and language and watched a hokey little video dissecting the dialects and nuisances of language from various parts of the country, I had come to realize, me speak pretty ... no day!

Sometimes we South Jerseyans skip letters, sometimes we skew them. Really, we're not unlike any other area of the country, say, Boston? (PAC the Caaar)

We are unique.

Our accent, our dialect, lies somewhere between Tony Soprano and NASCAR.

The closer you get to Philadelphia, the closer to Soprano. The closer to the border of Delaware, the more NASCAR ya are.

Here's my guide to talkin like yu'r from South Jersey...

well = "wult"

coffee = "cawfee"

water= "wooder"

Italian Ice = "wooder ice"

you = "ya"

icing = "icining"

coloring = "kellering"

forget about it = "fugetaboutit" (yeah, we got that here too)

all of you = "yous all" or "yous guys" or simply, "yous"

going = "go-in"

to = "ta"

dinner is supper

Add an "s" to the end of the following stores: Walmart, Kmart, Acme

They are SOOOOO called Gimmies down here, not sprinkles.

It's soda, not soda pop or pop.

Yeah, not yes.

Nah, not no

Also note that "you know?", "like" and "so" may be interspersed through sentences freely, to liven up speech.

Run words together by talking fast. "with an" becomes "withan"

Sentence examples:

"So, are yous all, like go-in ta Great Adventure this weekend?" ("Are all of you going to Great Adventure this weekend?")

"I'm getin' wooder ice, you wanany?" ("I'm getting Italian ice, do you want any?")

Wult, I hope this waz a valuable lessin for yous guys.

I dare ya to tilt your head back and cock your ear, maybe you'll notice that you ain't talkin' so perfect, neither!

2004-12-26T16:30:00.000-05:00

It's in my house! Still wrapped! I can't wait to open it! Merry Christmas to ME!

2004-12-26T16:29:00.000-05:00

O Christmas Tree!

Do you hear what I hear?

2004-12-26T16:00:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Christmas Eve was really nice. I got my act together and went to see my stepfather's grandparents. Grandpa is from Poland and Grandmom is from northern Italy. Put them together and...well...Fun!

I spent three hours chatting with them. They gave me mall gift certificates for Christmas. WOO! I gave them two big gallons of wine, one white and one red. They insist they don't want presents, just wine. So there they go!

Then I finished packing my overnighter and headed to my mom's. We ate cold shrimp with cocktail sauce, potato chips and broccoli with dip (made with fat free sour cream - aw! thanks mom!), pasta salad in an apple cider vinegrette, chips and salsa. It was a smorgasbord of food, v. filling and v. good.

After eating, and indulging in a cup of egg nog laced with brandy, I went to my Aunt Judy's house to visit my dad's side of the family. My step mom was embarrassing me so I drank a glass of wine. This deserves its own post at some point; my grandmother, the matriarch and focal point of our family until her death three Christmases ago, would likely roll over in her grave if she knew there was vino at a family party. She smoked until she died but she thought of alcohol as a terrible vice.

My favorite part of Christmas Eve was when I came up next to my dad and I slipped my left arm through his right, and laid my head on his shoulder. He leaned his head over to mine and kissed my forehead and said softly, "how ya doing baby? what's the matter?"

"Nohting, I said, I just wanted to hug my dad."

I love you, dad!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas morning I awoke at mom's and I indulged again - this time it was a donut and two slices of danish for breakfast. Don't worry, I put Splenda in my coffee.

My mom, step dad and I sat down in from of the tree in the living room to open presents.

I did well on theirs this year! I gave my mom a bunch of goodies and a knockoff Coach bag. I think she was most thrilled with the bottle of philosophy apple cider scented showergel/shampoo combo. She has been wanting to try this product in a different scent since summer, but never buys it.

I gave Angelo a bunch of books on writing, because he's decided to start writing a novel. I gave him a couple kung fu movies, too. We always got "Black Belt" magazine in the mail when I was a kid. And when he was home from work, there were a lot of those karate movies on our tv where the words don't match the moving lips.

I opened my presents and loved them all! My mom was v. good to me - she bought me lots of bath and body and makeup goodies - including Glow by J. Lo (yay! I smell so good right now!), and little gift sets from DuWop, L'Occtaine, Smashbox and philosophy. She bought me a couple cookbooks, including the "The Cake Mix Doctor." Love it!

Then I spotted my next gifts. My mom grabbed my stepdad. "She's opening one she doesn't know about!" She told him.

Yay!

A digital camera!!!!!!!

Woo!

I kinda knew - I mean, she'd asked me about it! But I didn't know she'd gone through with it!!

I can post pictures! I can email pictures! I can see them before I print them! I can retire the 35 mm I've had since I was 16!

But oh, how lost I am. I started to read the instructions and it's so complicated!! That little thing does so many things - you can even record a video! Weird!

I installed the software this morning, plugged the picture cradle into the wall outlet and have double A batteries in the actual camera. I just need to start pointing and shooting, I suppose (but even THAT'S complicated, what with figuring out the focus, whether to do fine or normal quality...aaaahhhh!!!)

I will be sure to post my first picture soon! My goal is to start using it tomorrow, when we gather again for my grandmother's birthday. Maybe I'll post a pic of something around the house.

I don't know - you tell me! What would you like to see?! The tree? (Poor thing is leaning a lot these days because all the ornaments are in the front.) Hehehe.

After my mom's I went to my Aunt Lou's for a quick lunch and to say Merry Christmas to some family. Found out my cousin Megan is pregnant and it was very unplanned. Then it was to my dad's.

He and my stepmom gave me money and my stepmom gave me earrings and a nail art kit that was used. Oh well! My stepmom's mom gave me money and Celine Dion's perfume, Notes. Not a fan, though. That's getting exchanged.

Overall, I felt v. blessed, v. spoiled. There was other hoopla on Christmas day, but I'd rather not taint the happiness with the poo.

Again, Merry Dec. 26!

This morning I woke up and felt butterflies in my tummy. I installed the digital camera software into my computer and wrote down my system information.

You know, just in case I drove to the Apple store and bought an iPod.

Sure enough, wouldn't you know!

I drove to the store,

And there ya go!

I'm now the proud owner of an iPod!!!!

I did it, I did it I did it!

*jumping up and down*

Even though I'm still validating it to myself and everyone else I have talked to so far today (sorry mom, Janet!), I bought the iPod (40 gb, 10,000 song capacity!!).

Now, if only I could get over my fear of it...it does so many things! Between the iPod and the digital camera, boy! Thank goodness I have a week off from work, right?

Tonight I'll spend figuring out the camera and the hopefully I'll stop dancing around the iPod box in fear long enough to open it and download some songs - get the party started!!! WOO.

I hope you all had a nice holiday, whether it meant sitting at home with a quiet morning melding into an even quieter night, or you had a holiday like mine - loud and full of family. I just hope it was nice.

And oh, I hope Santa was as good to you as he was to me!

Ipod, Crush and Second place

2004-12-23T10:21:00.000-05:00

There’s no denying, I am a merry girl.

After yesterday, I am a merry girl, with a crush, who could poop elves, she’s so happy.

We did our little gift exchange between us in our department, which was fun. I ended up with this candle assortment that came on a wire rack that will look perfect somewhere on a wall. I need things on my walls. They are so bare! And the candles smell yummy!

Then we got our stuff together and went to our company Christmas party, at a local country club. I was looking forward to it, just hanging out and drinking, hearing how our company did for the year.

Our IT department rocks. They put together this little video each year and it’s so funny. Our owner, who is HOT, told us about our growth, our changes, and announced the people who’ve been with the company from 5 to 30 years. I just like staring at him.

Then they had these two teenage girls come up and talk about why the social services program that we support through charity has made a difference in their lives. I drank a lot of my vodka-heavy apple martini at that point. I donated money, but I felt guilty for my anger toward holiday-specific charities. (re, earlier post on charity!)

Then, suddenly, the most amazing, wonderful thing happened.

I heard words that I could hardly believe.

“Since we did so well this year, we decided to share $XXX,XXX money with all of you…”

Still pleased as I was handed a check, I thought, this will be nice, a cool $100 or so bucks to put in the savings! Or toward the Ipod fund!

But no. I was handed, in the form of a bonus check, the capability to buy myself an Apple Ipod!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The BIG Ipod, not the mini!!!!!

I got a Christmas bonus – woo hoo!

*doin’ a little holiday jig*

And it may not be thousands of dollars, but it’s almost $500. What a wonderful thing, a Christmas bonus!

I am grateful and unexpecting of the money, I was positively thrilled.

It meant so much to me, I’m glad that we had such a good year and instead of keeping the money all to themselves, the owners decided to split the money between us.

I’m a team player. If we have a bad year, and we don’t get bonuses - like last year – it’s ok. A bonus is just that – a BONUS. Not a part of your salary, like a raise. It’s FREE MONEY!

To expect it would take the meaning out of it. For me, anyway!

After getting the checks, we wandered out to the bar, me and the girls in my department.

“When what to my wondering eyes should appear” ... “no lie - it’s that guy I’ve been chasing all year!”

Well, ok, maybe not chasing. And definitely not all year.

But I got the chance to talk and introduce myself to the Crush, the guy I’m completely in lust/like with, after only talking to him for who-knows how long at the bar of the country club.

I’ll tell you the story.

Once upon a time, I was walking by the HR’s office and I saw a photo with the name “Crush’s name” under it.

“OH MI GOSH!” I thought to myself. “I went to GRAMMAR school with him!”

So I shot him off an email later that day and found out that yes, he was the guy I remembered.

Let me give back story to the back story: I was the most hated person in my grade when I went to the elementary school that Crush went to. I would be put in headlocks before class by the class bully. He would step on any new sneakers I wore with his muddy feet. All the kids called me evil names. The boys would fart, and then pretend I had done it.

I had a really shitty three years in this place, basically.

So my mom, stepdad and I moved to a new town, for my 7th and 8th grade years, where I took up the sport of basketball.

Along came the day that we had to play this other town, where I was so hated. Our boys team also had a game that day with their boys, so both teams were there. It didn’t take long for the boys from the other team to realize who I was, and to start calling out the names they used to call me the year before.

Something really nice happened, as I was walking into the locker room at half-time. Crush was standing on the bleachers, and as I passed by him, he spoke to me.

“Hey Judy, how are you?”

And he smiled.

And I stood up straighter and smiled back, “good.”

So taken aback, was I, that I carried on my way to the locker room.

Yesterday, I got to thank Crush for his kindness, which he doesn’t remember. I do, I told him, because it really made me feel good.

In the process of chatting, we talked about college, former jobs, life, etc. I am sure I mentioned like 5 times I was single. Of course in retrospect, examining every little thing I said and did, I automatically assume he wouldn’t return the crush. Damn vodka-heavy apple martini!

I only talked to him that one time, we were completely enthralled in our conversation, and I realized ohmigosh. I’ve got a crush!!!

He’s not only nice, interesting, he’s a cutie!!!

I’m blushing just thinking about it!!!

Bummer is, I kept seeing him talking to this one blond chick in a red shirt (Tara – my own blond dragon????) LOL Actually, he attracted a lot of female attention.

*sigh*

Why do I have to have a crush on the cute ones???

So that was my day. Followed by the happy hour at a bar in another town a half hour away to see the former roomie! Who looked good, seemed happy, etc. Not much happened there, but I got McDonald’s on the way home and had my first Micky D’s French fry in like, 6 months!!!!!!!

Did I even mention the karaoke contest? No…well, I lost. Definitely not a high point of the day! But I was out of tune (not used to singing the Christmas carol with music to back me up!) but work people I don’t know were still nice enough to tell me I have a “pretty voice.” There was a tie for first between me and another girl, who ended up winning. She got a day off with pay, and I got to go back to the bar and drink more strong apple martinis.

Well, this has been a very happy-go-lucky post.

But then, I’m just a merry girl :)

The lady in red - ho' ho' ho'in' it up YO

2004-12-22T10:43:00.000-05:00

Ho Ho Ho!

Last night was fun! I had dinner with my Asian friends (and my Saudi Arabian friend, Indian friend and Cat) last night at a peking duck restaurant – we ordered something like 11 dishes and appetizers. It was all so yummy. Beef skewers, salt shrimp, sizzling peppery steak with garlic sauce, seafood bird’s nest, wonton soup (the real kind!), fried rice, shrimp balls, chicken and cashews, peking duck (two dishes!), and fried eggplant stuffed with shrimp and pork.

Was there more? I can’t remember. It was all so yummy. There was nary a leftover. I was glad, because I felt gluttonous and very thankful that I was able to afford to have such a warm, filling meal.

I don’t take these things for granted, and I silently thanked whoever’s up there for letting me be so lucky.

The conversation was good. We toasted our beers to Cat and Jim’s engagement, and to the holidays.

I told Cat and Jim I don’t want to be alone the night of their wedding, I want to hook up. So Jim and Cat were thinking through the list of Jim’s friends and they would randomly go, “yeah! George! He’ll DEFINITELY do you!”

I just laughed. “I don’t care, as long as I’m done!”

Perhaps, if I haven’t by then, I ought to make their wedding night the night of my first – and hopefully only – one night stand.

Unless any of my girlfriends get divorced in the next year, or the one girl breaks up with her boyfriend before he puts a ring on her finger next spring, then I’ll be the lone, vixen, maid of honor, the single girl of the wedding party! And there are going to be like 5 guys to choose from.

I mean, who doesn’t want to do one of the bridesmaids? Especially when she’s hot and wearing a red dress and drunk? And when she’s me?

*hoity little sniffed laugh*

Ha!

Is this really wrong? I’m laughing out loud over here. Just silliness.

Grrrrrrrrrrrooooooowwwwwwwwwl!!

Hehe. Anyway. So the guy I went on a date with a couple months ago, Russ, he was at the other end of the table. He’s such a sweetheart. I think I blushed when he told me how nice I looked, totally throwing me off guard and I replied, “Oh, thanks! You look very nice too!” He was wearing jeans and an old t-shirt, and pointed that out. I just laughed and blushed some more. I like Russ, but I don’t think I’m physically attracted to him. I don’t know.

We all went back to our friend Jemal’s house for some Texas hold ‘em, during which I watched, having never played before. Fun times. Our friend Dave let me play one of his hands for him, because every time I rubbed his arm for good luck he won. The guy had a pile of $1 chips that wouldn’t quit. I felt bad that I lost him the one hand. We just went back to me rubbing his arm.

Finally I couldn’t stop yawning and I headed for home. It was such a good night with friends, and again, I felt blessed to be surrounded by good (and freaking hilarious) friends.

This morning has been crazy holiday giving/receiving/eating. I’ve already consumed two sugar cookies, a chocolate caramel, pieces of break up bar and of course, my usual breakfast of a Carb Well bar and cup of coffee.

We’re doing our holiday exchange in like an hour, having an order-in Chinese lunch (that’s the third, count em, third day of Chinese food for me!). Then we all head over to the local country club for our company Christmas party. I’m being pestered to sing karaoke, “sing a GOOD Christmas song,” Jill said. I told them I plan to sing “Merry Christmas, Darling.” I love singing that song.

But I shall leave the Christmas song posting up to Janet, whose blog you MUST read today!!! It’s a great post!!! (that’s the Art of Getting By blog listed on the right!)

Bye for now :)

Yeah I'm a hoverer, I'm a hoverer...I hover around, around around around...

2004-12-21T16:26:00.000-05:00

(Not a post for the closed-minded or easily disgusted...just a fair warning!)

I’ve been thinking a lot about toilets.

Sitting on them. What goes on when people visit them. The bacteria that thrive on such ceramic thrones.

You see, I’m what I call a hoverer. I don’t sit on toilet seats. Not in public, not at family and friend’s houses, not even in my own house.

I just get grossed out at the thought of my ass touching a toilet seat that may be tainted by, well…someone’s taint…

It all started many moons ago when my mom said, “hold it in as best you can. If you have to use a public bathroom, do NOT sit on the toilet seat, you’ll get all types of diseases!”

It is brought up time and again when I make the confession “You know, I hover..” and it’s topic of debate like Friday night, among friends.

You can not, according to my friend’s girlfriend, get something from sitting on a public toilet seat. Lori seats her tushy on the cushy of many a public fare.

“You can’t get anything from a public toilet,” Lori said, as we discussed our chances of contracting crabs, syphilis and the likes. She told the tale of a show she watched which debunked the myth. I am still a little doubtful, but I give her this: at least she doesn’t sit on really gross public toilet seats.

“If it’s really dirty I don’t sit,” she said, something to this effect.

Regardless of whether one can or can not contract anything, I find toilets absolutely disgusting.

If you saw the bathrooms at my office – we have individual bathrooms, unisex. The front of the bowls bear dribbles of urine from who knows how long ago that have left stains, uncleaned by the so-called professionals who clean our building. The underside of the lid, left up by a man often times, stained by urine and yes, blood. The seats, covered in pubic hairs, dried blood, or urine.

Time after time I wonder, don’t people look at the toilet before they leave? Why don’t they take a handful of tissue and wipe the seat off in a quick flick of their hand? I do it, and I hover!

With that said, I mean, can you blame a girl for keeping her ass a good amount of inches away from all that shit (oh, and I’ve found THAT on seats, too!)

There are bonuses to hovering, I’ve found. It’s quite a good workout for the muscles. The thigh and calves, to be exact. I do my business quicker, because I’m not at rest, so to speak. I don’t have to worry about sitting on a toilet seat that’s been peed on by someone else.

There are downsides, too. I don’t get to just sit, I can’t relax. There’s the splash factor…

A hard-core hoverer, I’ve broken my own, hovering rules at times.

A couple weeks ago, while suffering something awful at 3:30 a.m. from a bad frozen dinner, I plopped down on my toilet sleepily, painfully, and let nature take its runny course.

But I thought I was dying anyway, so what did I care?

I don’t think much about that night.

I’m a happy hoverer. Sure, friends and family make fun of me. But I bet my legs are stronger than theirs.

About a girl

2004-12-21T10:23:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Carol (link is on the right, “You were born an original…”) (still don’t know how to hyperlink in text!), who stole it from someone else she called Del.

TEN random things about me:
10. My face belies every emotion and feeling, it unnerves me because I can not hide
9. I hate wind chimes
8. I don’t know if any man has ever really loved me
7. But I am lovable
6. In winter and cooler weather my hands are perpetually dry, cracked and rough against soft fabrics sometimes to the point of pain
5. I’d rather sweat and take off layers than freeze and add on layers
4. I don’t think I do any one thing well, I do a little bit of everything as best I can
3. I started in newspapers at 15, writing stories about my high school for the local weekly paper
2. I once responded to a question asked of me in Italian with a correct Italian response, without realizing I’d done it until after the words were spoken - while visiting my stepfather’s family in Bologna, Italy.
1. I attended my college graduation in high heels, in defiance of coming home exactly a week earlier on crutches after an infection that settled in my left knee almost killed me.

NINE places I’d like to visit:
9. Ireland
8. Tahiti
7. The Carribean
6. Hawaii
5. Dallas, Texas (love me my Cowboys! I’d love to see a home game…)
4. London
3. Boston
2. Las Vegas
1. New Orleans

EIGHT things I want to do before I die:
8. Go to the nine places I’d like to visit
7. Be truly loved by a man
6. Own an Ipod
5. Publish something worth reading
4. Run a marathon
3. Do hang gliding, or whatever you do when you’re floating above the water?
2. Get a doctorate in something
1. Eat at a five-star restaurant

SEVEN ways to win my heart:
7. Be funny – make me laugh, be able to laugh at yourself
6. Romance me
5. Do not put me too far down on your list of priorities or I might fall off
4. Be patient – with me – with others
3. Enjoy tickle fights and random stupid contests like who can burp the loudest
2. Understand I’m quirky – I’m a writer for God’s sake! – and maybe be quirky, too.
1. Be a versatile lover :)

SIX things I believe
6. Hard work pays off
5. Be kind to others as often as you can, unless they piss you off
4. You have to love yourself before others can
3. Be honest – with yourself and others
2. Elvis is still alive (ok, I really don’t believe that)
1. Your soul is recycled and each time you live a life it gets easie

FIVE things I’m afraid of:
5. Dying a horrible, painful death
4. Heartache, again
3. Dogs, sometimes
2. Airplanes crashing
1. Needles

FOUR favorite things in my bedroom:
4. My jersey cotton sheets
3. Leather-bound journal
2. My lipsticks/lipglosses
1. Teddy

THREE things I do everyday:
3. Drink coffee
2. Put on lipstick or lipgloss
1. Think about my weight/body

TWO things I’m trying not to do right now:
2. Pee my pants (or skirt, rather)
1. Work

ONE person I want to see right now:
1. The man I’m going to live happily ever after with

Happy Monday!

2004-12-20T11:21:00.000-05:00

So happy Monday to you all! I am ever so festive today!

Just can’t figure out if it’s the prospect of a week off, starting with Christmas Eve and ending Jan. 3, or if it’s the actual holiday to be spent with family and friends!

Much needed, much deserved time off, I must add. Sleeping in ‘til whenever…shopping…meeting up with friends…anyone want to meet up with me that week??? I’m FREE, FREE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, yes. Me thinks it’s the week off, not the holiday LOL (Although I am very excited about the holiday too)

So today is weight-stable Monday as I’ve neither lost or gained. Well. I could have lost a pound, gained a pound and a half, or just a half a pound, depending on where I took my scale – different places in the kitchen and bathroom – this morning. I went with the stable weight! I really must work on getting a new scale, perhaps?

I’d like to think yesterday helped me out in staying stable. I ran my first cold weather 5K yesterday morning! It was cold! The morning was very foggy, I felt like I was driving through the steam that floats up at you when you lift a lid off a boiling pot.

The race itself was brutal. It was possibly the worst one I’ve done yet, although my time did not reflect my struggles. I think I finished 33:08 (could be 33:09, not sure!), which is my second best out of the five 5K’s I’ve done. I could have bested myself, had I not stopped once to tie my untied shoe laces, and twice to walk vs. run.

It was just brutal, like I said. There were challenging hills and ice lined the street just beside the curbs. I was careful. Sweat gathered on the outside of my fleece gloves, my fleece hat and my new fleece Nike hoodie as I ran. I was hot inside the hoodie, inside the gloves and under that hat, and eventually, the air I breathed felt normal sliding in and out of my lungs.

At different times I heard myself struggle to breath, wheezing and trying to swallow the spit that gathers in my mouth but afraid to disrupt my breathing pattern, which would mess me up more. I was running, hunched over at the end, and as we started up the last incline, I could hear the shouts of the crowd, those who’d finished the race minutes and minutes before me. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I slowed to a walk and felt as if my breathing was never going to return to normal. I felt like I’d run a marathon. Unbelievable.

After walking for just a few seconds, I picked back up a running pace and I sprinted to my first mile pace (my first mile was done in just over 10 min, not a bad pace), almost passing the two people I’d been front-running the whole race, but the one guy also sprinted and the girl was too far ahead. I cursed my burst of walking, I cursed myself for being a wimp and I cried when I finished. I grabbed a pole, feeling really awful, nauseous and not right inside my chest. I felt like I was dying. I managed to walk myself over to the curb and I sat on it, didn’t feel the crisp, hard cold against my warmed-up behind.

One of the members from my running club, the guy who also sprinted at the end, came over and told me I could have beaten him if I hadn’t stopped those couple times, (I think there was a third time, too. I should know better – to stop and restart is worse than just chugging through).

“You need to be more confident when you run,” he advised me. “You have to remember, you’re not going to die.” He offered me a hand and I declined, laughing, and thanking him for the advice. I pushed myself up off the ground and feeling more normal with my breathing a bit more even. I still felt ridiculous though, for crying, for struggling so much.

“Is it always going to be like this?” I asked him. “Is it like that to run a marathon?”

“No,” he said. “You just need confidence.”

Hmm. I wonder how I can get me some of that.

I thought I did have confidence and courage in running, I thought that since I’d drug myself, practically screaming, to do this race, that I’d accomplished something (I really did NOT want to do it. I went back to bed… when I got there I sat in my car for 5 minutes trying to talk myself out of it… then when I went in and found out it was $5 more dollars to enter than I thought, and when I went to retrieve the money I almost hopped in the car to drive home…)

But no, I realized I really need to step things up. I need to find this If I intend to run a marathon this year, I need to run more than 6 miles a week. I need to work myself up to 6 miles each time I run. Then 7, 8…

Someday, I suppose. I will start practicing runs in the cold weather (save for today, because it was 11 degrees outside when I arrived at work, with a high expected of only 21!!!) and work on my distance.

For now, that’s all.

Oh, and check out Tara’s blog (TLJ’s Thoughts of the Day) to see my second-place winner entry in her latest, fun writing contest! Woo!

Did someone say party?

2004-12-18T16:05:00.000-05:00

Well.

I was quite pissed off yesterday. I couldn't go get ready for my evening of festivities (family Christmas party, friend's family Christmas party!) without straightening out the mood of my blog!

For the record, I still think it's rude, what they did. And I didn't agree with the way it was handled after it left my hands but what are you going to do? The boss can't be perfect 24-7, right? I'm lucky to have a boss who's in my corner, whom I get along with, that I like. I decided to allow her this one mishandling of a situation!

It's the holidays, afterall!!!

And I've got my Internet back. Yay! Verizon fixed it this morning. What a great guy, the one who came out this morning. He was so nice, so full of life, too. He was an older guy, a southern Baptist type I could picture grabbing up his grandchildren and shouting out "AMEN!" the loudest at his church.

Apparently, my problem COULD have been fixed way back on Dec. 7, had the repairmen of the last 7 or 8 times who came out had bothered to go around and fix it the old fashioned way, like this guy did. What a trooper he was. This means on Monday, Verizon is getting an ear full. OH boy!

But for now, I've got an evening full of festiveness. Family. Food. Drink. Friends. And I was elevated this year to "bringer of food" in my family. I'm supposed to bring a dessert and I'd planned on my cinnamon vanilla apple cake but then I realized I had no time to do this. My cousin Linda called me Thursday night and I couldn't make it out to get my supplies last night, because I was *surprise!* waiting for Verizon who didn't come and then had friends over. Today was shot. I ran out, then came home and actually slept the afternoon away. Horrible waste but I must've needed the rest.

Well, this is an unexciting entry!

I'll try again later!

Me not happy

2004-12-17T13:29:00.000-05:00

Ooooh…I am ONE unhappy reporter.

*screaming, screaming screaming, screaming!*

Why are people so g-darn ignorant? Is this not a place of BUSINESS?

So I am not thrilled that I have a two hour teleconference that runs from 11 to 1 p.m. on a Friday, and I have to finish a news story on flu by end of business but my story could hinge on said teleconference.

But I get on it, and from the get-go I was plagued by RUDENESS and complete LOUDNESS.

First, some old chick in a Santa suit comes up bearing candy canes and another coworker, who’s in a Santa hat. Of course, everyone starts laughing out loud and oohing and aahhing. Great.

I had to THREE TIMES ask them to be quiet.

Then, noon hit. And the people who just moved to the other side of the cube decided today, at noon, was going to be time for a massive Christmas party, with massive amounts of people. And lots of food and laughter.

GREAT. So I sat there, bowled over by noise, trying to concentrate, so annoyed at what was going down. It was quiet very briefly, while they stuffed their faces full of food. Then they just got so damn LOUD.

Meanwhile, I’m on the phone, my neck is getting a crick, and I’m near tears. All I want to do is hear and comprehend what this vaccine group is deciding about recommendations for the flu vax now that there’s apparently a good match between demand and supply (not necessarily need and supply). I have NO idea what they decided, because I was confused, and swells of laughter that I’m SURE my tape recorder got would rise when voting was taking place.

If you’re going to have a f-ing Christmas party, go to a g-damn conference room. That’s what one of the other groups did. And that’s what we’re going to do. So that the same inconsiderance is not dealt upon them, even though they’d deserve it.

And I just got done telling my boss about it and I told her I want something said. It’s not right, you know?

So I’m pretty pissed right now, I’m not really in a good mood. I still don’t know what was decided so I have to call and find the hell out.

Run on!!

2004-12-16T11:04:00.000-05:00

It’s a bit of a crazy day over here in my infectious world. And it’s not even noon yet!

All TYPES of flu crazy stories floating around here. To start my morning, a company for one of the vaccines is trying to make source corrections to a story that basically are “no comment” when, um, the comments I quote were made in public, in a room FULL of 100s of people, including some pretty prestigious media outlets and the countries best vaccine experts.

*sigh*

Then there’s a one o’clock press briefing. A story in today’s Times that I was appalled to hear about. Basically, I’m writing a 900 word story update about flu (which, it seems, is all I ever do anymore!) and then working on the story that the company in question too editorializing liberties with for February. God, I hate pr people. (“Oh, let’s put a positive spin on EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!”)

I won’t even discuss the letter to the editor from the guy who claims he can singlehandedly solve the flu vaccine shortage, and our med ed wants the LETTER on the front page!

Ahhhh. I’m feeling a bit more relaxed.

So last night I had my first meeting to attend of the running club I joined. I’m v. excited about the whole thing. The runners I met were so friendly! And there was plenty of beer, plenty of pizza to go around. When you run, you burn so much that you can eat what you want (for the most part) and you don’t have to worry so much.

Of course, if you don’t run as much as you probably should (ahem…me!) then you DO have to worry. But I had two slices anyway. I had jogged two miles at the gym before hand.

As soon as I walked in, it was funny, they knew who I was. I got to meet the man I’d been emailing, Ed, and he was a super sweetheart.

Again, with the “you look so much younger!!” No one believed me though when I said I was 27. Ed asked if I wanted a beer and I said, sure! The one woman looked at me and said, wait, are you old enough?? I laughed and told her I was 27 – and a half! – and that yes, I was legal. This started the overplayed “you look so much younger!” conversation.

But hey, I didn’t mind. I set myself up for it by not wearing any makeup, only a touch of lip gloss and a little powder on my perpetually red cheeks.

There was also a gift exchange, stealing allowed. The gift I brought, a gift card to B and N, got stolen three times. I was happy. Of course, I ended up with the shittiest gift – a cat that sang “Come and Get Your Love.” Would you believe, someone actually stole it from me? They handed me an even shittier gift, one of those gift sets you can buy at Kmart, the kind with the two mugs, the coffee, and various foods that you throw out? This one was the worst for me – it was fish and bird themed (the wild outdoors!) and came with dried fruit and nut trail mix and “fireside” coffee with like deer-themed lemon cookies and what not.

Unfortunately, the kind lady to my left was the buyer of the gift so I felt guilty trying to trade. “Isn’t it a great idea?” She said to me. Um, sure! If you’re a 55-year-old man who loves to fish and hunt!!!

A few of the folks I met tried to talk me into running a 5K on Sunday morning. I told them I don’t run in the cold. Pish paw, they told me, you can run anytime! Just wear the appropriate gear and you’re good to go. I’m thinking I may be brave. I will try it! I’ll buy those handwarmers at the sporting goods store and just wear a sweatshirt. One guy advised me to go straight home after and take a hot shower.

No problem, since my water is either cold or hot. So most times I’m showering, cringing, or showering, shivering.

So that’s about it. I feel like this group will challenge me as a runner, and I’ll meet some cool characters along the way. If nothing else, I may meet some folks to train with for the marathon next fall!

Freedom! At last!

2004-12-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

Ah, I am basking in the glow of my first grade of the semester: A !!!!

I can’t believe, I scored an A in the class I said I hated, all semester long. Apparently, that pesky 55% I scored on one quiz was the only bad grade I had!

There was only one blip in the night, early on. My friend Reds came into my classroom, which is also a computer lab, and I swear, he acts different around me! I think I wrote the story of Reds when I was on my diary land journal, but not here.

To make a long story short, we befriended each other in a class we had together, I helped him get started in newspapers, and for four months, we got together now and then for coffee, emailed constantly during the day, like, every day, and not ONCE did he mention he had a girlfriend.

In fact, I believe the first time we hung out he actually corrected himself when he started to say “we” when referring to moving into the city.

Trust me, I remember, because I thought he was cute and I was interested, but I was trying to gauge his interest. Girls, you know how it is. You analyze everything!

So you can imagine my surprise, when finally we were having coffee, after four months, and he looked away and said something that began with “My girlfriend and I…” He couldn’t even look me in the eye when he finally revealed he had a girlfriend!

I finally asked him what was up with us, was he interested or not, was he referring to a right-now girlfriend, because he was giving many mixed messages, and he said no, he just wanted to be friends. Well, I guess he must have decided somewhere in those four months that he didn’t want to cheat on his girlfriend. He talks about the girl all the time now. I probably shouldn’t have asked him, that admission of a girlfriend was probably my answer.

But whatever! So we still managed to be friends, better so, because there was no confusion! I started wearing hats and sweats to meet up with him.

Anyway, I’m wondering if he’s done “playing” with me and maybe he’s not interested in continuing the friendship? I don’t understand.

So I was a little sad last night, but I got over it.

After class, during which I created a greeting card (a funny little thank you for my mom) and calculated my grade. The professor gave us pens that say “I’m a Quark XPert.” Fun.

I met up with a couple friends elsewhere in the communications building, who were heading for some beers at the local watering hole. I offered to drive one of the other students, a very oddball guy who not once, but twice, held up a flask in two of the classes he and I had together and recited something about an amendment I can’t remember about prohibition, “From my cold, dead hand!” he would cry out, and berate America for prohibition.

Um, yeah. Newsflash – prohibition was SO yesterday.

Anyway. The guy also expects that we remember every little detail about him. I asked him what he was doing his thesis on, since he finishes it next semester. “A historical novel,” he said. “I told you that in Core I,” he added, kind of like, ‘you should know this.”

Well, I told him, if I remembered every detail about everyone, I’d be a fucking genius.

“You’re a decent person,” he told me, forgiving me.

As I was waiting in the lobby, I looked to my right and who comes walking into the area? My friend Theresa’s brother! I was so excited to see a familiar face that I didn’t expect to see! So I invited him over to the bar with us and we all left.

It was a good time. Of course, anytime I’m near my one reporter friend from the paper I’m trying to get a column in, (which he told me that most likely, I would hear from them in the New Year – yay!!!!! He didn’t talk to the editor after I turned in the proposal, but he said she was really interested when he talked to her before, and she would have told me no if she meant no)…

Anyway, before I went off on the column tangent I was in the middle of saying that He Who Must Not Be Named comes up every time I talk to this guy. He was a reporter for a competitor paper and knew the arse hole. He also knows the other woman involved in (one of the many) love triangles of He Who Must Not Be Named, and he always says to me, “I could never understand why you guys were attracted to him, it’s not like he’s good looking!”

I told him I was glad he wasn’t going to be in my memoir class next semester, because I plan on writing a lot about He Who Must Not Be Named, perhaps turning it into a book-length memoir, weaving in and out tales of something I’ve yet to figure out. Perhaps tales of other men in my life – the good and the bad. Who knows. My friend doesn’t understand my need to write about this relationship and told me last night I shouldn’t write one word on the guy. “He doesn’t deserve any more of your time,” he told me. “You must have other – better – things you could write about.”

Um, hello?! I like, LIVED a really f-ed up, serial dating, sociopathic, lying, cheating, mind-fucking sort-of-but-not-relationship…

The man put me through hell. Why SHOULDN’T I use the story to make me some money?

Besides, I’m finally numb to the whole thing, I don’t think about it with feeling, I’m capable of writing about this. FINALLY.

So in between all this, Theresa’s bro, Richard, and I chatted. He’s such a funny guy. He was telling me how different the MBA program people are from our people, and we were getting a good laugh over being single and dating.

That was my night. Hey, it was fun for me !

Faith, hope and charity

2004-12-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

I’m wearing very nontypical work clothes today. A red sweater with a stain red ribbon on the top of my left shoulder. Revlon’s “Certainly Red” lipstick. Satin candy cane pajama pants and candy cane socks from Old Navy.

Our office told us that if we donated $20 to this charity that they’re sponsoring, last week, then we could wear whatever we want, this week.

You’d be surprised how many people are wearing jeans and sweat pants and swooshies and pajama pants this week. You give a little incentive, people open their wallets.

Is it a shame that it’s come to that, or are we all tapped out?

We are giving money to help charity, but really, we’re paying to not have to wear office clothes to work. We’re all paying to look all j-lo in velour sweat suits. Put our hairs in pig tails and wear casual t-shirts with catchy sayings.

Do we really think about why we gave $20?

I am torn apart inside because there is a part of me that knows there are people who are struggling and will be unable to provide a material Christmas for their families. As a daily news reporter, I did the duty for two weeks of sorting through letters from poor families begging our newspaper Christmas fund or a nice holiday for their children. Talk about “tugging at the heartstrings.”

I had to write a story for everyday’s paper, telling the story of the family in the most heart-wrenching letter of my choice, and plead with readers to open their pocketbooks and send us a check.

That part of me wishes away injustice and poverty, wants to surprise those people with cartloads of presents for their kids and special presents for them, for trying. That’s the part of me that gave $20 because I knew it would go to good use.

Then there is the side of me that is evil and only gave the $20 to charity because I wanted to wear candy cane pajama pants to work. The side of me that got an email about the charity, and said, “I wish they’d stop asking us for money!” After all, we’d only JUST finished getting harassed about the UW campaign.

This is the side that picked up some of those Christmas, heart-wrenching letters a couple years ago, only to feel jaded against those who are really NOT that poor but want to take advantage of kindness. The ones you could tell were lying about their situation – I read 100s of those letters, I could tell after awhile.

But the question is, would I have given that $20 had it not been for the dress-down week? Did I give money to the UW campaign when there was no incentive (jeans day, Chinese auction)?

No.

So, I wonder, what does that say about me? Should I feel guilty because I did not give without getting something in return? About being able to support myself? Should I feel guilty that I am being pressed at work for money, I am being pressed on the streets for money? I am being pressed, it seems, everywhere for money, and I don’t want to give it?

Because I do. I also feel guilty for doing well, for taking care of myself. I feel guilty for sometimes, feeling very sorry and very badly for people less fortunate and at other times, feeling like maybe if they got off welfare and got a job… and if they wanted to go to college there are loans…

It sounds horrible. I know. But please do not mistake this for selfishness and for someone who does not give willingly. Because I do. There are times I open my wallet too much. I just don’t do it all at one time, in one month of the year.

My own grandmother can barely make her bills and her expenses.

I give at least $100 a year, probably more since I’m always dropping money here and there. But I remember certain things. Each of the 5Ks I ran this year required a race fee or a donation that would go toward the charity or cause that the race was in honor of. I ran one in my hometown to show support for a charity honoring three local firemen who had fallen in the line of duty.

When I get paid on Friday, I plan to open my checkbook and give money to the family whose daughter was born without a face.

Because, to me, charity is not just a Christmas thing. I give when I believe in the cause, not just because it’s Christmas

So. Call me cold-hearted at the holidays. But I’ll be thinking of families in need at times the media doesn’t chose to highlight it.

If you really want me...

2004-12-13T13:13:00.000-05:00

I told yous guys I’d be writing again!

(still gotta do the South Jersey accent post…that reminds me!)

I finally called the features ed at lunch, to see what’s going on with the whole column proposal.

ME: Hi, this is Judy, I had contacted you prior to the start of the month about a column idea-
F ED: (cuts me off)Oh yes, hi Judy. We got your proposal and I’m looking it over, having [I think she said someone else was going to check it out] and that’s really all I can tell you right now. I don’t know what our freelance budget will be in the New Year so hopefully we’ll talk to you then. We’ll let you know after the New Year.
ME: Oh, Ok! Great. Thanks! I’ll talk to you then!

She was very professional on the phone with me, and as the last time I spoke with her, I didn’t get to say much. And she didn’t say she liked the proposal, nor did she give me any false hope - or hope at all!

It went something like that…so what does that mean????

Ok. She could have just said, “sorry, we don’t think it’s going to be a good fit for us, but thanks anyway!” Right?

So she really may just be tossing around the idea and waiting to see about budgets. I mean, she could have totally written me off, right? She could have dashed my hopes totally today, instead of giving me hope right?

Or did she not want to break my heart before the holidays?? Does she not want to get coal in her stocking for turning me away?

Hmm.

I have to sit on this for another three weeks, at least.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH AaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hHHH

!

Weight (gain) Monday!

2004-12-13T10:09:00.000-05:00

So it’s weight loss Monday: no weight loss. I gained a lb. But I’m still down 24 lbs. and hell, the cheese, pepperoni, cupcakes, apple martinis, Rolos, the large-not-small bowl of pho, sour cream and onion potato chips, ice cream, did I mention pepperoni and cheese?…the splurge was worth it!

No regrets! Only moving forward!

My weekend was fan-tab-ulous, folks!

Friday night my cousins came over and we drank and ate a ton of junk. I got tipsy during my third apple martini and Ronda, my betrothed cousin, made fun of me. I think she was on her sixth and she said she wasn’t even buzzed.

We played 90s Trivial Pursuit and I came in last! But it was fun. Laurie and Brittany fixed my porch door, and we just gabbed all night. It was good bonding, but I think I went too far telling them about my drunken “they had to take the keys away from me” story.

At one point Laurie popped these TGI Friday’s quesadilla wraps in the oven and when they were done, they were all moldy. Brittany used her digital camera to snap photos, probably for our future amusement and not necessarily for money. Yeah, probably not for money. Although Brit did offer to eat one and get sick so we could sue.

We opted to throw them out and we stuck with the mozzarella sticks instead!

Saturday the telephone repair guy blasted me out of bed at 8:14 in the a.m. I was slightly hung over and my mind v. fuzzy.

I let him in, wearing a robe and my glasses and sleep in my eyes. I

His name was Wes. At one point, I was in the bedroom and he was in the kitchen, checking out my phone wires.

“So did you go out last night?” I thought he asked me.

“No, I just had some family over and I had one too many apple martinis,” I replied, walking into the kitchen.

“No,” he said, “I asked if the line went out last night!”

We both laughed and I apologized. “I’m not good with strangers in my house,” I told him, emitting a stupid Judy quote.

When he checked the line in the bedroom, he smiled and said, “My name is Wes, by the way. That way we’re not strangers.” It a shame he wore a bright new gold wedding band. He was cute and oh-so nice. “My wife and I went out last night, too,” he said, further trying to comfort me.

Which, was smart on his part. Because after having maintenance paged twice, and the man not showing up, Wes had to high-tail it to his next of 11 other jobs. He needed the complex to come open up something downstairs so he could check the main boxes or whatnot – the line was dead and it wasn’t a problem directly in my apartment, he told me.

He apologized, but told me to give it to the company when I called the repair people again.

So, folks. This is day 11 I am without a phone, or dial-up internet access.

AAAH!

Sunday I lounged, all day. I slept, I watched tv, I wrote a fiction story called “Affair.” I finished reading Nicholas Sparks’ “The Rescue,” which looks like bad fiction to me after earning some snobbery from this fiction class I’ve taken.

That’s about it for now. I’m sure I’ll have loads more to tell you later. I haven’t written in two days, afterall!

We are fam-il-y!

2004-12-10T13:41:00.000-05:00

I’m still very anxious about getting this column, right? So I called the editor I’m dealing with and my tummy was in knots. I couldn’t eat lunch until I made this phone call yesterday. I was ready to be cheery and ask her what she thought of my proposal. Instead I got no closure, no beginning. I got:

“Hi, you’ve reached [insert name and title and newspaper]. I’m out of the office tomorrow and Friday…”

Not returning until Monday!!!! Aaaaahhh!!!

Tummy knots untied, but my brow wrinkled. I hate waiting! *crossing arms like a bratty child* I have to think about it until I can talk to her…and I can’t call her first thing Monday because she’s just getting back… and I don’t want to be a pest!

In the meantime I’m coming up with more ideas for the column and I am just *hoping* that this works out.

Well, on the bright side, at least I know why I haven’t heard from her, right?!

In other news. I have one story outstanding that I have to get done by the end of today and I’m not sure I can do it without staying late. Now I’m kicking myself for the lazy, “I don’t feel like working” attitude I’ve adopted the last few weeks.

My tummy is grumbling and hungry so much I swear I feel it in my right lung.

I dropped about $130 last night on food and alcohol, some for tonight’s festive holiday gathering at my apartment with my cousins and some for my hungry tummy (I haven’t been grocery shopping in a while!)!

I’m very excited today about A) being a hostess and B) hosting my family! I may have mentioned this before, but I only started getting close to my family a couple years ago, sadly, around the time my grandmother died.

My family has always been very tight before I joined in and after, and we all get together at certain times of the year at our different aunts and uncles houses. But the aunts and uncles are getting older. Slowly, the children are taking over. My cousin Linda, the oldest, hosts the Christmas party at her house. I’m the third oldest, and I can’t wait to have a house someday and have my family running around inside, sampling food and being together.

I’ll have to post the column I wrote a couple years ago about my family, and how they all call me “Judy Lynn.” I have an Aunt Judy (middle name Ann!), and to clarify who they’re talking to, they’d call me Judy Lynn and her Judy. She wasn’t confused, but I always was, growing up, because I only saw my dad and his family on the weekends and my mom and in my life with her, everyone called me just Judy.

So I am excited to connect tonight with my cousin’s on my dad’s side, even though my cousin Beez, who RSVP’d yes, is ditching us for a “cheap” concert in Philly with friends (he’ll grow up someday and realize the importance of family, I’m sure of it…that’s what I did…) and my cousin Meg and her husband already had a prior commitment for which I forgive them. My cousin Linda can’t come, either, but she’s got a good excuse too.

So it’ll be me, Brit, Ronda and her fiancé (she’s getting married next month – I’m singing Amazing Grace in her wedding!) and my cousin Laurie.

Bring on the salsa and baked tortilla chips! Bring on the indulgent Entemann’s holiday cupcakes! The pepperoni and cheese! The apple martinis! The 90s’ edition of trivial pursuit!

But most of all, bring on the family hugs :)

Running toward babeland

2004-12-09T10:13:00.000-05:00

So I am totally digging this “referring web pages” thing I put up on my site. Every day I’m reading new and interesting blogs! I can’t believe how many people just cruise through and check me out. But hey, it benefits them because I cruise right back.

Aside from the ones in another language that I can’t read, I read one from a soldier in Iraq. One from a girl who just cracked me up the whole time I read what she wrote – she sounds like me but with a boyfriend. I think I might link to her. And I just HAD to link to the narcissist. Once I started reading, I couldn’t stop! As much as you want to shout, leave him, leave him! I feel bad for her and I know it’s hard to turn your heart away from the best love you’ve ever known. I just know what it’s like to love a man who is diabolical about love.

Went to the gym last night for the first time in two weeks! I cooked myself dinner, then talked briefly to my mom. Who just seems so selfish lately I couldn’t wait to get off the phone with her. Then I called my stepmom and she actually seemed INTERESTED in what was going on with me. Which probably makes ME selfish, but so what. I let her tell me what was new with her, and then she let me tell her what was new with me. It was a two-way street. My mom seems to have lost the concept the last couple weeks. Time to distance myself from her for a while, so I can deal with her over the holidays!

Stepmom and I chatted for an hour and a half. I was hoping to be home by 8, but instead, I was heading out at 8. But it was good thing I did! I saw cubie when I pulled up. So we went inside and walked around the track pretty briskly for about a mile. Then we started jogging and I did a mile, then walked a lap, then did another mile. I had to ease myself into it. After running the first mile I felt light-headed. After the second mile I went over for my water bottle and headphones and did the bike, hard, for 10 minutes.

I was just so pumped up last night, getting back into the swing of things. After the bike I went back out on the track and jogged around for two laps. Um, no…the guy in the baseball cap had NOTHING to do with that decision…(oh boy was he a hottie!)

Anyway, I had to stop exercising after the second lap because my calf muscles were hurting.

People, my new running shoes ROCK. I have no pain in my shins today. I’m going to go running without Motrin on Saturday, put those puppies to the real test!

Coming soon: a post about my South Jersey accent.

I think I am copying from Terry. Terry, I’m sorry! It just dawned on me that I made this list up the other day about weird things about me, and I just decided after talking to cubie this morning that there’s 10 more to write. Who knows, I’m sure there’s others. I'm going for a different topic each list. So here’s another 10 - er 11! This one is about me, as a tyke! 11, off the top of my head in random order:

1. I used to put White Rain shampoo on my lips and blow bubbles in the shower. It tasted nasty but I would amuse myself until my skin was wrinkled and my mom was yelling.
2. My mom would punish me by making me sit in front of the 5 o’clock news.
3. She would also lick her finger, dip it into black pepper, put it on my tongue, and make me stand in the corner
4. One Christmas Eve, I got nauseated on a Swanson TV dinner that had an apple dessert and I was sad.
5. I would suck on the honeysuckle blossoms that grew along the fence by my apartment building.
6. I peed in a bush because I didn’t want to leave my friend to go potty.
7. I was the most unpopular kid in the 5th and 6th grade.
8. My first short story was when I was in like 4th grade and it was about a Christmas tree and a garbage man.
9. I wrote a “novel” in high school with a baseball theme that took up one and a half Mead notebooks.
10. I used to make loom potholders and sell them on my street for .25 cents or .50 cents then take the profit to my kiddie friends who sold the more desirable Garbage Pail Kids cards.
11. I would use the washrag to clean the dirt and grime off of me from playing outside and then pretend I was in a Tide commercial and wash the washcloth clean.